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Question #1262165796Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009
Category: ENFj ISTp Love Relationship Intertype Relations
i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous
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A1 Hello ENFJ friend. I'm an INFP here. I read your story and feel your pain for you. Putting yourself out there takes a lot of courage. I applaud you for trying to follow your intuition and make things work. However, I'm sorry to say that, from an objective standpoint, it seems as if she is not interested. She does not seem to be responding to your e-mails and filing a police report against you speaks volumes. I know it will probably be hard to let the thought and vision of her in your head go, but for your own good, I would suggest you putting in some great effort to do that. Try dating/seeing other people who are more appreciative and wanting of your emotions and feelings. You sound like a great person. I hope this helps. Keep your head up and smile on -- Anonymous
A2 I'm sorry ENFJ. 8( Honestly, I would not bother. You are putting all your eggs into one basket..I would move on before she takes further action. Don't frazzle yourself over somebody else..I know this is generic, but live your life to its fullest, and not by someone else's standards. Move on and feel free, and next time just know not to come on so aggressively next time..start lightly and when she TELLS you she is feeling something, then you can do all the sappy love letters that everybody loves. ^_^ ~INFP -- Drew
A3 You are a CYBERSTALKER! You are most definately a weirdo! -- Anonymous
A4 You should go to church. -- Anonymous
A5 To confused and loyal enfj: move on. whether or not she was direct with you regarding her feelings for you is irrelevant. the fact she brought the cops in is your big red flag that this relationship will go nowhere. As an Fe polr myself, I read through your post with building anxiety. A piece of advice for the future if you want to attract an Fe polr type - don't overwhelm them with a boatload of Fe expression. Cut it down to about 1/4 Fe communication. If this seems unreasonable, then steer clear from IXTPs. -- Anonymous
A6 You need counseling. -- Anonymous
A7 yeah. I'm thinking that this may not work out. ISTP's are pragmatic to fault. Emotional poems and secret I think you had better move on. Hey, ISTPs are a pain, even in the best of times. -- Anonymous
A8 do istps ever come back after lashing out unfairly...or in anger... -- Anonymous
A9 Agree with other replies here: move on, maybe look for an ISTj. Sps dont like it when somebody is obsessed with them, we love our freedom. (I would go nuts and get totally mad at you if I were bombed by so many expressions of love.) You were acting too ENFj-like and she might be an ISTp in Socionics, that is, your Conflicting type (see the Relations section here). -- Ezis (ESFp)
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A10 I'm pretty sure there are many istps out there that may find enfjs attractive and seek relationships with them. I think it is workable but it has to be mutual. -- optimistic
A11 "I said dating doesn't mean much"? You're arrogant. -- Anonymous
A12 why did my istp friend act so strange? why did she send the cold hurtful email at end of summer saying she was unfmcofrtable i thought of her after telling me she liked me thinking of her and being out of touch...and then why file false police report just cause i said i wrote an article dedicated to you and thanks for teaching me not to wait around for you....and then not filing a report for 4 months of emailing even after the first report and then suddenly filing cause i said the new dicaprio movie is out and it be nice to see it as friends or feel free to see it without me....she was a big dicaprio fan and mentioning dicaprio had gotten her to respond to me once when she stopped responding after the first time 07 when i told her i loved her and but now she just went off and filed again... i spoke to my law professor and i did nothing wrong as i my notes were all explaing polite and asking is wrong to use police reports to do dirty work and avoid a difficult conversation... doesn';t it take more work to file reports than simply emailing and saying your not my friend anymore, i don't care or stop contacting me... why did she go the other route... her actions of ignoring...hurting and not ever asking about me or helping knowing i am hurting all seem to show she does not care at all...yet she waited another 4 months before filing and also did not file when i sent oddball notes which i was sort of testing to prove to myself she was not serious...i told her that i knew from the first report that meant she loved me...and that in the future it would be silly if we had kids and they asked her to tell them the story of almost sending daddy to jail...cause she loved me so much...anyway...she did not file for these emails or the one saying i find you attractive etc....or the wiinnie the pooh emails... but when she did file for the dicaprio movie...she sent all the intimate emails from months before and this was embarassing to explain to strangers... why is she acting so strange, extreme etc...why can't she jsut say bye directly or why does she not care... wy does she hate me...or not care sooo much all of a sudden...after keeping in touch for 3 years where her non communication was rampant but always ended with sorry for being out fo touch and appreciating me... what's happened why is is she flaked out or mad or what... i can't contatc her again ever...but can anyone shed insight on why she is acting so weird and treats me so ....special shall we say... also why couldn't she see how fragile and senstive and sheltered i am...i neve r dated or anything cause i always loved her...and platonic altruistic love was good enough for me and i had settled for that before she went off ...then i started thinking she did have feelings so blasted all sorts of feelings...and recanted and etc... anyway...couldn't she tell if i was sensitive enough to know what she felt or needed and remmeber memories 14 years ago that a small friendly meeting would have lasted me forever ...even if she;s not interested... why did she not answer my questions of if your not my friend let me know...or if your not interested fine just say so...or if i don't make you happpy say so and i will go... so confusing....can anyone explain why my istp could be so werird.. -- Anonymous
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