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| Question #1262165796 | Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009 |
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| i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me etc...it's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous |
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| A28 where i get confused is as i have been off that whether i have done enough..to show i love..her...for years i kept in touch and was supportive etc...and leaving her alone is my way of showing it...all i ever did was plead in emails and try to explain and fix things which made her made when i ignored the conflcit and wrote positive emails like things we cool...when she lashed out via police report...so...is there still a need to prove love at this point why some other action or just by staying away even thought it is killing me and hurting me and learning to wean off and get to stop thinking of her and respecting her feelings by staying away the right thing. i guess i feel she misjudged the pen name gesture and her officical complaint of thinking too much seemed unwarranted as i was managing this but there is no way to prove my innocence if she doesnt want to listen to is not comfortable. for all i know she is just uncomfortable i thought so much and can;'t control and wants to be out of touch. maybe she means nothing more than that. and maybe i just blew it all out of proportion by melting down and begging and accusing and apologizing for being myself etc...but it's so confusing. i mean she never rejected me outright when i asked her to and did not let me leave when i was when i thought 2 years of emailing and no response meant she didn;'t care and was bothered. so i know in some way she has affection and caring for me althought can;t express...especially given her positive look on oct 1 when we ran into each other and i coldly walked on not showing any emotion and she seemed happy initially but confused also and conflicted. oh well..... if she is istp and was done with me would she have clarified and said so instead of not responding after saying i'd rather not be in touch. thanks for respecting my feelings.. the fact she still reads and bother calling authotities on bogus charge to embarass me means she cares...right even though she doesn't want to.... -- Anonymous |
| A29 is it positive that although she would rather not be in touch...she still reads my emails and goes off on them even though they are innocuous? right maybe just cause she falsely accused me of harassment via police report is just her lashing out and she still won't say it;s over or she's not my friend so...she just wants space right? i mean...the fact she would not say more and did not spam me and is not ignoring me means she still cares...i mean if she cares enough to wg out on me that's good righ...then just leaving alone and being cool and secure and waitinf for her to cool off seems ok. that seems like the best path. ...right? i can't not love her. that option is off the table. i haven't seen her except for the accidental bump where she looked happy to see me but then confused (pre cops)...in 15 years...so in a sense i am not losing anything right...it's all psychological...just can't ask her to meet me or email her regularly like i used about interesting things and affecions and supportive feedback on her articles. i should be able to swing that. i mean she left before for 11 months with no contatc. does this make sense? or could this be a delusion. too bisaed to say but have to trust my gut. -- Anonymous |
| A30 i think you might be suffering from erotomania. that's not meant to sound harsh but it looks like you're caught up in some endless cycle. sorry dude -- Anonymous |
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| A31 Well,i was ISTp girl too and my first impression when i read your question and your comment was, "waw,this man kinda annoying".honestly,from my view it was loud and clear that your friend never lìke you(or maybe find you're the annoying one) and she try to be POLITE with you and keep the friendship.maybe what i say wasn't represent all ISTp out there,but it was what i'll do to keep befriend with someone i don't like,cos,if i ever tell you:'sorry,all of this time i find you annoying with that lovey dovey email.please stop that!',so,there wouldn't any chance i would treat you the same again.and i can't understand your logic,why you can think that her have any feeling to you,if most of your email not got reply?isn't it common logic that if someone like you,they will always find the way to keep in touch with you, EVERY time they have a chance(maybe if her crush send message to her).the worst part is,your fake name,and you didn't admit it at first.maybe,because IStp tend to be analytical,we can see that you try to faking yourself,and i never like something not genuine even if it for good reason.and because you deny it at first,i'll feel insulted by you and i think that you think i'm not smart enough to know that you're lying.and maybe what more ****ed off her that she was at first believe that her article was cherished by several people only to find that was your job.and because you're lying to her first,how can she believe that you genuinely like her article?not just pretend to be because you like her.oh yeah,i think you should try to think from her point of view.don't you recognize that answers in this question was much from you?to tell the long-same-not-too-strong-fact to support your view?oh yeah,and the email about mommy get daddy to jail?huh?you dare to say that to IStp when she has send polìce to your home?it's clear that you'll make every ISTp back off from you because you so self-sentris and won't likely give ISTp some freedom they need(how can her get freedom when in the future she's with you,when now,she's in different place and you still bombard her with your email)sorry,i don't mean to hurt you.but your type of approach won't interest me as IStp.my advice is,move on,stop and never emailing her,and in mean time she will forgot how annoying you are,and maybe you two can still befriend again when you two meet again by chance or in some occasion. Or,you can go to where she life.meet her in front of her door and ask for talk(maybe you can bring one of your friend,maybe girl so she wouldn't scared).and resolve your problem,and it would be a chance,you two can't befriend again,coz ISTp meant what they say(oh yeah,you can ask her neither she feel comfortable if your friend will also hear your talk?and do what she wants to).i hope you can decide the best and find happiness at the end. -- Fint 'n killz |
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