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| Question #1262165796 | Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009 |
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| i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me etc...it's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous |
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| A26 main thing after so much and so long how could she not understand...that was her complaint right...uncomfortable..u think so much about me...doesn't make sense to me... i mean right. look although all this doesn;t make sense and hard to believe it's true. here is a fact based time line incase it makes it clearer: june 07-i email her asking how's it going and say it;s cool u are off the beaten path. read your stories of going crazy living alone and living the woods etc. i used to write too in college. told her i lked her article about homeless family especially as in 9th grade she referred me to Ayn rand when i bummed about poverty in the world and how Ayn Rand had it all figured out. i said people into ayn Rand don't usually write about homeless etc.... she responds early next morning..happy to hear from me she says..appears blown away i took trouble to find her..tells me it would be great to see me if i am out west etc. asks me what i like to write about etc. i respond with super lengthy emial about my life and ups and downs and answer her question. no response. 11/07 i tell her i feel i should tell her i always liked her in school and have been in love with her and it's my secret and have never told anayone. it just feels right to tell u now. 12/07 find a typo in her resume and tell her about it. i don't care for spelling myself but as it is a resume i think u should fix it. ps u think we u could ever marry me...we could have independent lives and do our own things and it would be cool. i will wait for you for ever...if u are not interested that's fine too i will live alone. no rush..in terms of response just thought i would throw it out there or something. if this is weird in anyway let me know and i will not write you this anymore etc. no response. new years email -no response then sudden memory of dicaprio movie i liked comes up and i email oh yeah u were right about dicaprio he is a great actor now. blood diamond was one of the best movies's i have seen in a while. then she writes back all of a sudden. sorry i have been busy and my parents planned a vaction somewhere. thanks for all your notes. i will fix the typo someday! (should have noticed the exclamation maybe she was annoyed i brought it up anyway)...have to get on flight to india for tiger rights story...sorry for quick response...excited and anxious never been to asia.. then i write a bunch on have a great trip...i tell her about india..i send more email over time about tiger rights and my ideas on how to deal with the issue etc... no response. i email asking if you are back..how was the trip etc. i know she's back for semester but still no response..werid... anyway i write her a valentine's with poems based on her short stories about existensial themes and what it means to be me and love etc.. no response. i see a job posting on west coast in last week of february and email her i am thinking of doing a phd would that be ok. also i can defer and work there in west coast and there for a year and then go. i am not good alone so if i move i will need your help etc. she writes back saying...sorry i have been busy. the spectre of debt is haunting me. been working a lot and writing a lot. it's good of you to keep in touch. i am pretty awful at it. sounds like your planning your future with me in mind. i think it's pretty weird u are asking me if it is ok to to the phd or move here. u should do what makes u happy and fulfilled and not expect much from me. i am happily dating someone and if i ever do take the fuss and muss to sync with somone it will probably be with him. wow that's harsh. i am sorry but your last emails are not making sense to me. **** i say thanks. no problem. then i follow with follow on emails saying i was not expecting much just you would talk to me and spend some time. if the question is what makes me happy and fulfilled it would be being with you and syncing my life around that. so there. if you don't share feelings for me that's fine i will still care and work and live my life. etc. also i am not phycically attracted to you but i love and because of that i know it's true love and not something else. emails off and on. i email her i got a new job later in 08. i email her poems and news and random stuff over time. i wish her new year again. no response after feb nnote from her. anyway. then in jan 09 i say...sorry for everything..i won't ever bother u again. good luck with your life on your terms.. she responds next night saying...sorry for not responding to any of your emails. it's awful nice of you to write me and think of me. i appreciate that. i will be in the area over summer and it would be nice if your around to share a meal or something. cheers... i email saying cool thanks. then now that i have direct info she liked my notes i go back to writing her. i teach an evening class at local college and create a project based on her short story about a man lost in the woods who dies and have students come up creative ideas to stop missing people from dying in parks. i email her to get advice on teaching as she was a teacher-no response. and send her my best student's project to read. no response. anyway i keep writing and one of our teacher dies and i send her the obituary no response etc. anyway in may 09 i email saying you must have graduated from j-school by now and hope you are happy to be done. look forward to seeing you. she writes back..thanks for being in touch! i am happy to be done but sad to miss favorite friends and places. i will be there in June. see you sometime this summer. anyway i email her my cell and numebr and say when u are here if u need anything let me know. so i look wait and email random stuff about news i see, i email restaurant she could try with her dad for father's day...i tell her how summer is beautiful now that she's her...affectionatel yours. i email her congrats on front page story etc. [ mean while view newspaper website i start emailing her random positive comments by readers using creative pen names usng the web form with made up email] i am getting tired of waiting now as it is aug and i was only doing pen names for a little but now it's boring. so i figure if i send her flowers using dick cheney (clever reference to one of her articles in west) maybe she'll know its me whatever so i do that. no response. then annoyed sat aug 15 i send a last pen name note from joh Dewey about education stats and refer to er favorite author whom she just had written about in her blog 2 weeks ago. i was annoyed she re-wrote her bio, which i had also found a typo for her in recently as well, but did not respond to any of my notes for the summer. it would have taken her a minute to write thanks or somehting or say i'm busy but she didn't and she rather worked on her bio. anyway i was annoyed so i let the hint slip int eh note to her to know it;s me. at 4:30 sat aug 15 2010 she writes quickly all lower case...hi...sorry i have been out of touch. all i do is eat, sleep and work. i haven't been very social. do u write to me at my work email using different names? then i write back..it's great to hear from you. i know it's hard. i think about u everyday and feel like u are here. the whole area has lit up and summer has been so pleasant since u are back. i don't know about the names in the news. looks like u have a lot of fans. when do u think we could meet? if u get a permanent positiion do u think u would stay and maybe we could meet sometime later... then she emails back in 10 minutes saying.. i don't think i will be able to meet. sorry bout that. i would rather not be in touch. it makes me uncomfortable u think about me so much-doesn't maek sense to me. thanks for respecting my feelings. i said sorry. i mis-spoke i only thought u each day for 5 minutes when iread your articles in the paper and also in the evenings as walked around waiting for your call. i was just excited and have been very creative and been writing a lot of my scholarly papers etc. sorry about the names too. i won't contatc u again. then went into thanks and sorry. then in sept after many emails i found a picture online of her and someone at a ball from the summer and i felt she lied about not doing anything social and accused her. it was probably part of her internship and it was date jun 9th when she arrived so she must have come with her friend she was dating and it was before she started wokring so...i mean i guess she didn't lie. it hurt. then i appologixed for accusing her. all i wanted was a phone call from her to say your my friend and i don;t want to keep in touch nothing personl. i told her i needed this to feel ok and was sad and going through emotional trauma from the shock of her note. no response....to any thing...begged saying pelase don;t make me bed i need your help...please call me... then is said a d ay later fine..forget i'll get better on my own i don't want to beg as then it won't mean anything... i don't want u to help or come out of pity or guilt. i wnated to see u if u wanted to see me. also in another note i had said i was glad not to see her was i wasn't sure what it would be like after so long and i was scared to see her. also now i said i don't want to see u as u will probably hurt me more. i can't take this. anyway lots of off and on emails. your not who i grew up with she would never do this. my friend went to find her voice and didn't come back. your just some slick skeptical reporter....sorry for confusion etc etc. emails and then i said let's meet for coffee it will be ok. you'll see it will comfortable and light. so i emailed saying i will be at a coffee shop saturday afternoon near the paper. i went and i waited for her and she didn';t show so i went home and told her about my trip on the mtero etc. anyway..no response.. then in oct 1 we run into each other in the evening i keep walking although she sees and seems happy and lit up and then confused. i keep walking and cool and show no emotion cause i don't want her to think i am crazy although it's been horrible going through this. also ahd emailed her barry white can't get enough of your love after sensoring it to be platonic and other stylistic's everything's going to be alright and the rocky 1 lyrics..so show i am getting better slowly... then i email saying see i didn't do anything weird...anyway off and on and then oct12 i send 3 emails... 1 saying i realize now u were upset by me using pen names and wanted to hurt unconcsiously and u don't mean it. also send her some education articles and tell her good news i got my first op ed published and dedicate it to u cause if you hadn't sent me that hurtful email i would never have learned to stop waiting for you and live my life. at that point she file a police repor. i felt psycically some bad vibes that morning pre the police call like she was cursing me out or angry somewhere. initialy i was happy cause it made no sense to be accused of harassment and it meant she really cared to act non sensical i thought. anyway the cop talked to me and her and agreed to misunderstanding due to lack of communication. so she agreed she had stopped communicating and filed this. it was so weird. then 1 month later i email saying thanks for everthing. sorry for not taking your uncomfort seriosuly. i was in denial. i am just a kid and your a grown up. i take comfort in your words from your your story that to live life fully means to risk mistakes. i can't risk any more mistakes with u so i say to u now what i should have earlier as a free and happy person...thanks for everything. u have been a dear. i will be out of touch as u like. my role in your life's story is over. best wishes...ps u are an istp and be aware of this so you can live life fully and sent her a link of istp weaknesses and issues. then in dec i emailed again saying please don't hurt me just have to get this out. with all the ups and downs i now realize i am attracted to u and where ever i go people remind me of u. i will wait for you forever no matter what anyone thinks. that said u are unpredictable and stubborn like me and everything i do backfires. so keep away.,ps happy holidays and am happy we both have jobs in tough economy... *** then in jan i send a lot of enfj and istp research to explain..sorry for being a bad friend trying to learn hope we both cna learn and be better friends and u can be in touch again some day...also i send love poems[ about how i am in a forest fire of love cause she was a ranger once..and said i know u can't stop the fire as u believe in letting them burn clean etc.] and winnie the pooh quotes ..sometimes people care too much it's called love etc... a lot of this was cause she said she did not understand and kept sharing in case it would help her understand... then in feb we were snowed in i wrote about being snowed in wishing her warm thoughts...how i started thinking about this all day and talk to her in my head and also simulated her uncomfort in my head to feel how she must feel and been isolatng my self and shutting down, losing lots of weight by not eating well and lack of sleep, etc. i also emailed dreams of her coming back and also how hard it was to dream now..cause what if in the future your kids pull on your pantsand look in your cold eyes and say tell us the story about the time u almost sent daddy to jail cause u loved him...then i laught and think this is silly.. also as she was a salmom fisherman i sent email saying...i heard salmon go against the stream and go back home to settle down. are u like a salmon...if u are do u think u would settle down with me...if not i am cool as a friend etc... also told her the police report showed she loved me and it was my fvaorit police number too.. also told her i love her and all sort of stuff. then 1 week later when the new dicaprio movie came out i sent a small email saying...new dicaprio is movie...any chance u would watch i with me as a friend...if not feel free to see it without me...in this one he plays a delusional man making up stories... then she called the police again and sent my emails...the polcie man told did u ever think she's not your friend? she's happy and moved on....what's the judge going to think of winnie the pooh and poems...anyway i promised to stop ocntact etc... then i emailed again saying i am sorry and i will be so out of touch u will be proud of me. i am sincere i was doing my best but cause of pain and confusion i kept messing up. also there will be no perfect farewell email. i still care and am not saying by just out of touch cause of your uncomfrt. best of luck and happiness without me. hope u will grow into the person i know is inside etc. that was it and she let me go one more time. so...any ideas what happened between us...why did she act so strange... -- Anonymous |
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