| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
| | Join now! |
Who is who?Learn how to convert between different systems
V.I.An introduction into the widely used Socionics Visual Identification technique
TestsA collection of Socionics related tests and quizes
Q & AsAsk a Socionics related question or provide an answer to an existing one
ArticlesVarious articles on the subject of Socionics and Types in general
ForumsWant to discuss Type? Head to Socionics Forums!
|
| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1262165796 | Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009 |
|
|
| i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me etc...it's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous |
|
|
|
| A27 maybe she has no answers for me. she plain doesn't know how she feels. uncomfort ebcause i think so much about her doesn't make sense...i don't think i will be able to see u. sorry about that. thanks for respecting my feelings...then random police reports...all this shows she does care and loves me in some weird way. not sure why or what...and all this hurting could have been caused by my doubts and also ...maybe she is unconsciously hurting me...not sure anymore... if my heart is right things will work. i mean...i did nothing wrong...i did second guess me and her in her silence...and was off about her boyfriend not being serious..other than that...i mean why would she still want to see me after all that and then flip last minute cause i created fake names to make her think people liked her articles...maybe i violated her inner sense or something or the fact i know her so well and what she wanted heart of hearts it weirded her out.. also i don't get why she was blasting personal stuff at work like telling her newspaper in her bio that she followed some boy to alaska after college...it's possible he filed a report against her and now she's taking it out on me... and emphasizing how she went crazy living in the woods alone for 7 months and needed friends.. i just thought she was acting all desperate by telling strangers factoids like this and it hurt cause i was wating and writing her all summer as me as well and she kept not responding but had time for blog stuff...oh well.. but then i was the one who encouraged her to fix typose in blog and fix it up etc.. so i don't know what...happened between us...nothing adds up..nothing makes sense completely...either way ..even her over-reaction with police.. i hope she cares and will realize it one day...and all i can do is hope.. somttimes i wonder if she doesn't believe how hard i tried to suppress my needs by not coming to her house or calling her and forcing some closure...i always pleaded with her in emails for closure and said i won't come or call cause i do respect ur feelings but i need some re-assurance to go on or tell me your not my friend and i don't mke u happy...no ressponse... the 2 police reports did happen when i was like u don't mean it and here are some articles for you or wanna see the dicaprio movie.. but i asked her many times if we could hang out and talking will help clear up all this nonsense. and she didn't call the police for those either or the emails disclosing attraction etc... so it is the fact i was confident in the 2 notes where she called and sounded ok and also was being nice and acting like she didn't do anything to me...maybe the 2 things together set her off.. i can't isolate it but it seems like things that would have evoked responses from her in the past evoke anger now...maybe... unclear... if u all are right and she doesn't care she would not have put up with this for 3 years, told me she was coming and wanted to share something and even didn't see anyone else all summer and kept working..but then by my calculations after she ditched me ...she went to cuba with her suspected boyfriend from the ball...not sure if i drove her to him or...it was a spur of the moment thing to get away from me and all this emotions...and run away and bike all day for hours...i love her but i don't think i would want to bike all day like that...i mean it's great if she has other people to share these things with...i just liked sharing writing, love, friendship, and my sincere appreciation for her...i an enfj and she has to accept me as i am...i tried my best to suppress and then her aug 15 cold email just pushed too many buttons and hurt so much after all the sacrifices and etc...and i felt so hurt and she would not le tme talk about it...and it was so suffocating and i tried my best and kept failing...and her attacking me after a few months of emotional emails from me based on short non emotional calm notes all was so ocnfusing and hurtful...i kept going to her for help and make it better and she couldn;t help ...so confusing and hurtful... yet it could all be misunderstanding....i can't be someone else and i respect her needs for space but after 3 years of respecting it when i needed help based on her notes which hurt her inavailability while she is 2 miles away and is on email all the time even or even a phone call..hurt... i guess she can't help it cause of the ISTP thing..so i have to treat it like a condition and be supportive and understand as only an enfj can be... but she has to accept me i can't keep trying to change or morph into whatever although i have tried and offered to do anything and be flexible to anything...i even said if freedom is so key u can be with other guys and i would be okay too i am willing to accept anything...almost.. i won't tolerate alcohol and drug usage but other that i will accept and be cool with anything...i wanted to support her freedoms...pay off her debts..allow her to write what she wants instead of working for the man...and fund any travel she wants and adventures even with her guy friends etc. i would be cool with anything... anyay so leavng her alone to think this through and stuff should be no big deal in theory in practice it hurts so much..to have no communication and just work in silence and keep hoping i am right that she loves me and not delusional....friend love is fine. i told her long ago any role in her life would be cool. i can't help it...it's my personal truth...it';s not about finding someone...or just being with someone compatible... marriage or relationship is not necessary...all i know was there was some spitirtual or unspoken connection...friendship or even one conversation would last me the rest of my life...no need for more...just simple unconditional lvoe...which she doesn't seem to get ...istps are nuts...indeed. anyway...something says to me she still loves me even after everything she did...it just means she's uncomfortable because the point she doesn't understand and is bothered i keep writing to her to convince her to come back when maybe if i listen to her words she can't cause it's too much even she wants to. anyway...would have been cool if some ISTP could tell me what she must feel but doesn't look like it will happen. i will just have to believe in my enfj powers of seeing through people's inner secrets...istps the best cause they are the most challenging to read so it takes all enfj powers to understand and surprise .... to be honest have lost touch with my intuition in all this mess and turned to you all for external help...shows how extremelly upset i am...also fact i begged her and shared all my feelings...was a cry for help as enfj enever reveal true feelings as we suppress all the time to make others feel good... i hope she gets i can't help but feel for her and her problems...i get like this with other friends too...that would explain why i thought so much to make her feel welcome and loved...oh well....let's hope she gets it. ps in case she comes back can people give advice of how i should communicate my needs to her in the future to avoid issues if she comes back after some time.... as a human i will need to communicate need effectively without her trying to rebel against me instead of seeing i really needed help or words or logic or advice... part of issue was looking out for her needs and not realizing waiting so long was messing me and instead doing goofy things i should have just said...let's meet already or i am feeling u don't care cause u didn't write my lately... or whatever...what should i have done when she dropped off ...for years i let it roll and never did much and was cool but she kept being busy and not responding and always responded so late with apologies...so confusing...anyway...please give me help assuming i am not nuts and how i can be a better friend to her...if she comes back one day. -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
|
| Would you like to add anything? |
(When posting, we ask you to make the effort to qualify your opinions.)
|
|
