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26-35
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| Question #1262165796 | Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009 |
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| i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me etc...it's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous |
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| A18 what drives me the most nuts is is she told me she was not interested i would have been cool and happy she was honest as a friend but she didn't. she let me keep writing for years and then abruptly said right before we were going to meet that she was uncomfortable as i thought so much of her. it doesn;t make sense. why did the pen names make her so mad or weirded out? did she think they were real and was weirded out i amde them up and mmaybe she liked the notes and ... who knows...but what is weird is she won't respond yet she keeps reading my emails and blows up when i write a short non emotional one acting like everything is ok. on oct 12 my last note was i wrote a op ed edicated to you. thanks for helping me learn i should live my life and not wait for you. then she filed the police report. or 4 months after that after emailing her more (poems, etc if you don't love me say so, if your not my friend say so, love poems, winnie pooh quotes, istp enfj data etc...) she files after i write a short note saying any chance we can see the new dicaprio movie as friends...or feel free to see it without me...etc...for this email she called the police again...this is all so nuts... why does she care so much to keep reading and blowing up...and why does she blow on non emotional short emails...the kind that used to elicit a response from her...i mean she never responded to my emotional ones but it is so mixed. it's like she's trying to scare me away...or she just blows up uncontrollably and can only punish with bogus police report and stuff.. why can't she just say go...why go through all this trouble...i can't give up my life long love with no direct communication and based solely on second comments from cop like...maybe she's not your friend...what's the judge going to think of this winnie the pooh email and poems... talking to a lawyer ...he will think there is no case....anyway...i told her last i won't respond to fear and it won't work and i will stop contactng because i love her and have been acting weird due to insecurity. i am very reasonable but didn't like being treated soooo bad...no responses for years...and then this...and then she shared my notes to her with a stranger and tried to defile or embarass....i mean it's nuts...and wy does she blow up like this and why is so scared just to talk to me???? it is all so offensive and keept sthis going. i mean if she said it was over, it would be or if she said she didn't know ... but man this is so confusing....if she didn't care why does she fuss over me at all...i told her long ago i would wait for her forver and will never settle for anyone...will rather just live alone...which i have done fine for years and been secure in my love but lately this past summmer i just got so insecure with the idead she was right here and was supposed to meet and never called and ...stuff then it appeared she wanted to meet and kept always talking about touch,,being in touch, etc and wanting to share a meal etc..so i was happy and understood she gets lost etc.. why did writing to her as random names saying her articles made my day etc..set her off. so much. i just thought either she would not know and would be happy for the summer thinking the whole world was in love with her like me...and also felt she would ditch me and fly away but this way she would always rememebr this summer and i would have got to spend it with her in some specia l way... never knew she would cut me off like this after not doing it for poems, writing, etc..so much emotions over the years...and even though she was happily dating she allowed me to keep in touch and told me she appreciated i thought of her....so confusing... i had asked her to consider marrying me one day...if it was possible and she never gave me much thought. i had also emailed asking where she would launch her jurnalism career...was so happy when she decided to come back from the west to start it here....i just thought maybe she was going to try to make my dream come true or maybe she loved me too now after all these years of notes etc..who knowss... i know she must have been stressed being in 3os and just starting a real career after wandering in west and woods for 10 years...i was happy she was back and wanted her to he happy so she would stay... bottom line why can't she just be clear and talk to me at least or write me its' over.... why punish me with false police reports...even her last weird email thanked me presumptuously of respecting hher feelings. as she was uncomfortable. so it's like she set up a win lose mode of if you contact or touch me or my feelings with your words it will be disrespecting my feelings... it's allmost like if i touch her with my words somehow emotionally she goes off and lashes at me using police report... so ocnfused...could she be really disturbed somehow and i can't see it...of course no communciation etc.... but when i saw her in oct before police report...she looked happy and then confused...so it can't be she's messed up right...cause she is writing and travelign...but why does she blow...that doesn't make sense... could she feel for me...but never respnds to my pain filled emails only my upbeat ones by police report... so confusing..it's like she could bebthinking i am kidding and wants to set me straight... or wants me to get off of her and maybe extreme methods would do it....except i told her because she filed a report which made no sense and was irrational it made me happy as i knew she really loved me now...so there...bt she did not file for this email eiteher... only yhe dicaprio one 4 months later cause that had to do with a childhood memory which had brought her back in 07 when she stopped responding after i asked her to marry me and told her i loved her since 9th grade.. but when she had responded to dicaprio then...she said thanks for all your notes...been busy...traveling got to fly somewhere sorry for quick note...happy new year etc... so it's like she had no problem with my feelings per se or just ignored them ...but 4 months later told me she was happily dating and would probabyl sync up with whoever she was dating...i jsut didn't buyt it cause if it was serious she would have told me when i proposed marriage and asked for chances of love. although i did say no rush and i will live my life here until she decides. i said i was willing to bet my whole life on this as i loved her and would not settle. no pressure i was direct and was waiting in case she weve rwanted to marry me or something...it was all just a future possibility...no insecurities yet....but years of no response...and being ditched added up and especially was hard after she was back and stopped responding...all i knew was i had summer and she was here for summmer so i did the best could... m aybe i did get her to care and maybe that's why she's confused and wants distance etc... anyway...am i nuts ...i am turning to strangers and not relying on my intuition as been so confused...once i get back to being secure and stop thinking about this for a bit i will be happy and come up with smem more ideas to make her happy based on my initimate childhood knowledge and caring but who knows ...i want to send x-mas presents based on childhood memories...but who knows if she will blow for that...so confused.... if she really does not care and is happy i don't want to keep doing things and later it turns out she didn't care and i look like i'm nuts... i would much rather talk to her and stop if it's really over... that doesn't make sense why does even tlaking on the phone seem to scare her so much...emails and phone should be easy to deal with.. the most hard is she didn';t deal with me calmly like a human and tell me what she felt for me...or what i should do...sorry for rambling -- Anonymous |
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