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| Question #1262165796 | Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009 |
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| i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me etc...it's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous |
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| A24 thanks...Ezis (ESFp)... maybe this is all a bunch of nothing...and i just need ot get she needs time and is uncomfortable....i am not asking for much....just wanted my friendship back...if i knew i would lose it over this i would not have done it.... i also hate apologizing for being true to myself...and acting like i am nuts... i just have to be confident in my personal truth and love...and that's that... she's weirded out and that freaked me out and now i just need to get back to my life...which i lost in all this panic and fear...i did nothing wrong. she refused to allow a civil discussion to explain and for some reason she is uncomfortable and does not see my side or can't help by talking or writing. something does not add up. it's not as simple as she is not interested. if that were the case no big deal and she could say so. why can't she ever talk about feelings or important stuff... i'll accept she can't and it's part of who she is as is random need for space and uncomfort at too much display of affection... fine fine.... just hate someone is telling me i can't write to a friend etc..just hate how she did all this by ignoring, avoiding and blowing up... her quick answer ended up being more painful for me and her....right why not reject and be done especially when i siad i wam fine or cool if u are interested.. i understand nothing personal but refusal to talk and rather not be in touch abruptly afte rmaking me wait all summer all this is so unfair and lame..... quite lame...and not taking my pain or requests for civil closing seriously et but for all i know she is genuinely helpless due to istp uncomfort due to early t30s etc...and couldn't handle all this...and her main point was uncomfort as all this doesn't make sense to her.....somehow she cannot even process why i care so much which calls thinking so much.. as a feeler i resent reducing love to thinking so much...etc. -- Anonymous |
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| A25 just wish she didn't wig out and could have taken 5 minutes to affirm the friendship and stuff...maybe she felt it was un-necessary but it meant a lot to me. hadn't seen her since 1992 anyway...so not seeing her is no big deal it's just getting that email aug 15 and no chance to discuss hurts...and she didn't care enough to tlak about it pretended like or acted like she walked off radio silence...just not fair... i am reasomnable but not getting something small like this after 3 years of pouring my heart out and feeling she accepted it somehow to..end like this just feels attrocioous.. i keep hoping this is just some problem of hers and i shouldn't take it personally...oh well but no one in my whole life has treated me this...especially someone who i cared about, and took so much time to do little things to make happy...oh well...that's the rub/...she didn't like me doing too much...how was something so small such a big deal... all i can think is she thought the pen names were real and was shocked they weren't or something but she didn't say that... the only fact i was left with was uncomfort due to thinking so much and it didn't make sense... how come she didn't get it after all this time...why so shocked... oh well. must be my karma from the past...and yet my intuitiont said it was the right thing to do...it was selfless...i got nothing out of writing the notes using pen names...they were harmless...enjoyed your article...renewing my subscription to paper cause of it and hammy stuff.. oh well i guess she has some problem and i took it personally as a slight and ended up hurting so much...it was always the point that she is unwilling to spend a few minutes to make me feel ok or validated even though i was respecting her space by not calling or coming and she still accused me of harassment...that hurts so much... i just am trying not to think this wway and just see....she's upset and uncomfortable and gets angry if i keep being nice to her and it's best to leave her be.... once day if she accepts me as i am that would be cool else no big deal. i still care it's just to show it i have to be out of touch.... pretty crazy huh... the fact i am asking strangers is odd too as enfj i trust intuition bove all but now too confused...also her behavior makes 0 sense and i can't figure it out and it drives me nuts.... if someone could provide insight or explanantion for her odd ball stuff...that would be helpful...why does she not communicate and then over react almost so angrily...so strange especially if she doesn't care.... and she refuses to say she doesn't care and is not my friend either...so nuts.. -- Anonymous |
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