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Question #1262165796Wednesday, 30-Dec-2009
Category: ENFj ISTp Love Relationship Intertype Relations
i am an enfj and have been in love with an istp girl since high school. i told her in emotional poems, and notes and she didn't respond. i thought that meant she would be interested. anyway the responses were off and on. if i sent a very brief note she would respond randomly once in a while apologizing for being busy always. risk taking and writing about. anyway when i asked her about life decisions and moving to be closer to her she went off and said i wasn't making sense, making plans with her in the future, she's happily dating someone. it was confusing she did not tell me this after the love poems and emails. anyway i said dating doesn't mean much and wanted to know if she had feelings for me. she never replied. then after some series lengthy emails, apology and continued brief emails with no response. i decided to say by and said sorry for the bother i won'te bug u and good luck with life on your terms. then she all of sudden said she appreciated i wrote and thought about her and would be back home in the summer and would like to share a meal or something. anyway. as summer approach i wrote her saying how summer was beautiful now she was back, etc. also after reading about benjamin franklin's use of pen names i decided to support her by making up pen names to send to her office email as she is a reporter expressing how i liked her articles and what they meant to me. All summer passed to august and i sent her flowers using a pen name cheny and politcal names. I thought she would know it was me. but she didn't so i sent another email in which i left a clue it was me. she emailed out of the blue that day and said she was busy and only ate and worked as she just started her journalism career. then she asked if wrote to her? i like to selfless so i lied and said i didn't and she must have a lot of fans. i said i thought of her all summer and felt like she was here with. then all of sudden she said she couldn't meet , sorry about that and that she would rather not keep in touch as it made her uncomfortable that i thought about her so much-it doesn't make sense. thanks for respecting my feelings... this really hurt as she knew i was in lvoe with her and she had encouraged me to write. i apologized and said i am not a weirdo. I kept explaining and saying it's cool to not meet but don't make me a weirdo. then i said fine we won't keep in touch. but then i went off and kept emailing detailed long emotional emaisl ranging from i accept this as u are doing this for me...or u are uncomfortable due to your feelings...accusing her of hurting me etc...it's too long to keep on. then one day when i sent her 3 short emails she filed a police report. the police called and i explained my notes and as i never did anything but write her notes to explaina and get an answer they closed saying 'misunderstandng and lack of communication. the cop said she didn't like the use of fake names and was not interested. i don't get if she;s my friend my she didn't tell me this directrly. i had even begged her to say by on the phone rather than email and reassure me she's still my friend and she never did. all this hurt. then i diagnosed with her constant travel, lack of feelings in her writng, and odd behavior she was an istp and felt there were no hard feelings. i wrote to her twice after the police report and she didn't respond but did not do any more bad legal actions. this was clearly a scare tactic as i am a mild nice person. i am not a risk taker. she just broke the law and went to cuba and wrote about it. she does risky istp adventure things. anyway...last i left it i asked her not to hurt me in email and told her i don't want a relationship. i don't know what love is. sorry for wasting ryour tiime etc.. then i emailed again saying sorry don't hurt me...i am attracted to you and will wait for you as something tells me your worth it but i own't ever contact u again. so...anyway...i know going off emotionally in emails was bad but ... am i crazy to wait for her..i love her and feel we're soul mates...will she ever come back? please advise. confused but loyal enfj.... -- Anonymous
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A17 why did this stupid mistake of using pen names to make her feel loved make her so mad? what she said that i thought of her so much it didn't make sense...is something she could have told me 3 years ago when a) i told her i loved her b) asked her to marry me c) found typos in her work for her d) wrote her poems etc etc....after she had said 2 years into this after so much ignoring sorry and she appreciated i thought of her i thought i was safe. i mean she told the police that she didn't like fake names but not to me. so it doesn't make sense. and she only filed when i acted like she didn't mean it by sending something nice or asking her to see dicaprio movie cause she liked him in high schoool...as a friend. anyway...why such bursts of anger. i know the filings were anger cause she did them so randomly if i sent a positive brief note acting like things were ok but not for my long emotional, crying or overly analytical emails about what happned etc. so why does she blow up? also why no feelings or anything... does she just ont trust me after the fake names thing cause she might have though real people liked her work. also why anger. also why so uncomfortable that she can't even talk about this..it's been 7 months going now. her weird walk off email was aug 15 09 and now it is march 2010. how long is it going to take for her to cool off. i'll admit i kept emailing each month since the first police report and 2 more times after second. it's nuts too that she doesn't file again right away. i don't want to believe in the she's collecting evidence theory cause it doesn't make sense. also i checked witha lawyer and asking for explanation and trying to fix misunderstanding is not the same as harsassment etc. it is horrible she tried to use the law for something it is not for and also maybe cause she's a reporter she thought it would work. she knows i am nice and scared and it would scare me off. the fact i know this makes it feel harder to take it as real although i don't want to waste money and time fighting something. i could call her but i don't cause i said i won't and also told her i am afraid of her and what if she will actually end the friendship if i call or worst case she could hang up and file another report. but having never called her calling her once can't be a crime either.. could she really be disturbed although looked fine when we met in oct by accident. then too i kept walking although she had an initial warm and friednlh look towards me...i wanted to prove i am normal so i kept walking cooly and non emotionally although we did see each other. she looked really happy to see me but then looked all confused and stuff. this was all 12 days before the first report. the first report i think resulted from the email saying you don't mean it and here i wrote an article dedicated to you. at which point she lost it for some reason.... so confusing... after 3 years of no clear response i am sick or worried i keep making up theories and am off my game and intuition. what am i missing??? can any istp explain why she went so off??? i keep thinking her weird overeactions imply some caring and her refusal to say she;s not my friend when i asked her that too is also weird. unless she cares so little that she won'te respond. but after the second filing it only proved for some strange reason she keeps reading all my emails and not responding and has not spammed them even... weird... i think she cares but don't want to be be crayz and delusional. last i left it i said i loved you my whole life without being insecure and clingy. this is all about external validation of our friendship and my internal truth of loving you. you can't give me this so i go back to being my self and secure in my love for you. i mean i love lots of people and i don't have to keep doing things or writing all the time. so there. you are in charge our distance from now on and i won't wait for you. i'll still love you and care but i can't wait each night thinking maybe today she'll forgive me or wake up crying asking her in my sleep to not do this. this was all so un-necesary. a simple not inteerested was fine, but this seems about something else as she was ok with all the feelings in the past. somehow the fake pen names did something realy weird or bad to her. why can't she see it as gesture of love....i am not even sure if i convinced her to move bakc over the years...she'll never say or talk. maybe she came back for her own agenda to start her career. it's so confusing... anyway for now it seems doesn't want to her from me but i suspect she cares otherwise why not just say your ont my friend go...why care...so much to be all hot and bothered. especially even after i agreed not to call or come to ever see her to respect her...for her file after this and also share my poems and notes to embarass me was harsh. it's like she wants me to hate her so the whole issue goes away whihc i will never do. i keep taking the blame and saying it's all my fault, sorry ...etc... being so nice through all the pain must set her off too... a trial based on winnie pooh quotes on love and poems for harassment seems like it would discrredit the whole legal system and really triviliazes the point of this law to protect women from threats etc. oh well too bad. morally i feel bad to cause as an enfj i want to lecture her and say i don't deserve to be treated this way but can't as i am ascared i am being arrogant or afriad to lose her... what she is doing is not right in the sense all i needed was a civil logical discusison to get closure and move n if that's what she wants but simply not being in touch is so vague as is her uncomfort etc.. oh well if her real complaint was thinking too much i have in a self fulfilling prophecy of analyzing to no end and apologizing and willing to do anything made her claim true ironcially although i set out to prove her wrong. over summer i spent like 5 mnutes writing hammy pen name notes to the newspaper and was living my life jut waiting but all summer passed and was getting insecure after so many years of this. she got busy and would forget about me or something but then talk about spending time with other friends....so that made me feel bad as the benefit of doubt of being busy seemed to not apply to other friends etc..... she cna't be nuts ...can't shee see what she is doing to me.... maybe in her eyes i am off and she doesn't get it as doesn't understand and does not want to deal and that's that...how can someone turn a blind eye to another's pain or stop caring or not help when their intervention or a few moments of uncomfort cna help someone.... the officer said people do this everyday...they are not interested or friends anymore...it happens all the time.. it never happened to me i said....he could tell i am a sheltered intellectual scholar...also being a mystic i can't give up on someone for being bad to me...i keep loving her more...commensurate wiht pain....like the gandhi freedom fighter nonviolent passive resistence..... other forums all say to not be chased off and say true....i just have to be cool and not keep feeeling hurt and do my thing and if she comes back it's cool otherwise no big deal... easier said than done although i am trying...atleast i can sleep btter knowing not to wait up... -- Anonymous
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