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| Question #1194217660 | Sunday, 4-Nov-2007 |
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| For all the ISTP out there, I want to know what makes you guys hate an ENFJ naturaly. -- ENFJ |
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| A72 it's just not fair...i was always considerate and helpful and she just sent an email syaing she didn't understand why i thought of her so much...after 3 years of telling her i cared for her...she had randomly apologized for not responding and wanted to see me and i sent her anonymous notes all summer and thought she knew it was me and denied saying it was me when she asked me and them she said she cou;dn't see me cause she was uncomfortable and would rather not be in touch. the notes were silly and nothing weird...and it made no sense why she would say this now after not saying this when i told her i loved her or wanted to marry her or pay off her students debts and would wait for her forever and live alone etc...that was much and that didn't make her say she didn't understand but sending some pen name names did...why did she flip on me so harshly and then not let me talk to explain...i kept bbeging to no avail and when i just said u don't mean it and started writing my normal nice notes from me she lashed out at me to scare me off unfairly...what's her deal???crazy istps/// it's not fair i was willing to agree to anything but i needed to talk about this...but she would not...i trusted her for years and never took her ignoring personally so it hurt so much she didn't trust me over something small...she seems so selfish... -- Anonymous |
| A73 i know you guys dont have much answers usually. i finally got my istp friend to respond and she said i am just an aquiantance and we have no relationship and it is rude i try to contact her. she says she never wants to hear from me or see me ever... i had asked her to say something like this many times before and she did not. she seems to forget all the good things or the fact she kept in touch with me despite knowing was in love with her for years and stopped me from leaving when i thought she did not appreciate me. i am not a freak. I acted non normal to get her to respond cause she just started treating me like a stranger after i wrote her some notes and tried to think about her and do really nice things for her as she was coming back home. now she is acting like she does not know me and i am weird. i know i went over the top and freaked her but i was always kind and never came to see her against her wishes, never approached her wehn we rna into each other as we live 2 miles apart now, and did not bother her. i wrote over analytical and personal notes sounding like we had something when i was messed up and stuff. i see it freaks her most when i act like we are normal and cool and it makes her angry. She wants me to go away and threatened me now directly as such. So i drove her into berserker rage again for the 4th or 5th time now in 9 months. the positive is she wrote me and told me off directly finally and i know that wsa hard on her. is there any chance that she will ever snap out of this and consider her own role in all this and how it freaked me out that she flaked out all of sudden when she had let my indiscretions slide in the past. i only did non normal things to get her attention and thought she liked it cause she wrote about crazy risky adventure stories and stuff and wild. oh well. she is clearly biased. i know i was off and crazed up but always in a nice polite way. i used all my enfj powers to get inside into personal things and i said lots of things that were not normal... she said i was rude to keep refusing to let her be. anyway i finally side fine. i am not crazy. i just did not like her treating me so harshly out of the blue for being nice and that drove me nuts and so i kept writing her. the weirdest part is she only got mad when i wrote normal emails that sounded confident like we were cool. anyway she said not she never wants to hear from me or see. never. it freaks her that i would not leave her alone and tha i acted like we had something. i know i was nutty but never been in love like this before. i dont know why she cant see the good things and is so focused on the narrow bad things. i cant do anything in this situaiont. eveyrthing i did made it worse and now she is blaming me for what i did after her freak out. will she ever get her act together and come back? at least to be a friend... or is she done forever. can a human really do this to another human. it seems so cruel and mean. i really think it was a misunderstanding. i thought cause she tolerated me so much that she was my friend. an istp would not just keep in touch for no reason right. her claim of aquaintance ship overlooks her role. will she see things clearly on her own one day if she grows. is there any chance... any istp thoughts welcome, the good thing is i got her to directly say her problem with me. that is huge progress and took 9 months to get here and yet it is the same as 9 months agao except now she is not polite and willing to let me have it directly. -- Anonymous |
| A74 her words were she never wanted to talk to me or see me. it seems unfair she judged me without ever talking based on notes. etc. i finally get she wants to be left alone but it feels so unfair being judged with no explanation. i talked to an istp with whom and i worked and was surprise to here a similar story about some guy she did not know. she kept reading his notes but burned them and was irritated but never said anything per se. in her story this was a total stranger not someone she was on freindly terms with. but the wya she talked once she was done she was and she would never give that person a chance and did not get he did not understand and said she did not care. i could not convince her that he was just a kid and he made mistakes but whey be so harsh. her view was she did nothing to him. she was focused on her agenda and she is not his mother when i said why not just say thanks but no thanks be nice about it instead of no communication. she said is she did that she would be someone else. god its weird istps really see people like objects. in their mind not saying anything is like a rejection. but i am not psychic how am i to know with no experience in such matters. anyway she said there is no way i can convince my istp and she will never come back cause even if she knows she was wrong about me she will be embarassed and not come back. she said that chapter is closed in an istps book and move on and not go back ever. if this is true then i am screwed cause even thought she wont believe it i meant i will wait forever. is there anyway to prove i am not crazy. my fear is if i let this go the istp will always rememeber this bad experience especially now since i made her say something mean to after 9 months. it appears if she breaks up with the dude she will still not come to actually get to know me or assess if there is any potential. if this is true them i am screwed. i never tried to talk to her in person about this. she is against it and has threatened me to not tlak to her or come to see her. so that option seems out. its so unfair. to never have the chance to explain in person. is there any way around this.. her last note is below: Your repeated attempts to contact me after I have asked you to leave me alone are rude and obtrusive. They are also downright creepy. I am someone you were barely acquainted with more than a decade ago, and the idea that you have some sort of intense relationship with me is something you dreamed up. I do not ever want to talk to you or see you - not this week, not next year, never. You getting in touch with me to say hello many years after high school was normal. You telling me soon thereafter you were going to move to California to be near me was not normal, your many emails since then have also not been normal and your refusal to adhere to my requests to leave me alone indicate a level of obsession that freaks me out. I sincerely hope you seek help from a mental health professional. If you attempt to contact me or anyone in my family again, I will talk to your parents and/or your employer and let them know that you have repeatedly ignored requests from me to leave me alone. the only proof of innocence would be no contact as i promised now that i am clear. this is a pretty clear note which i finally got. is there really no chance she will grow or re-assess the situation? is there anything i could do ....like send a friend to talk to her for me to explain???? a miracle could still occur right. -- Anonymous |
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A75 My advice to my fellow ENFj is this. Remember that you are an E, remember that your Fe is powerful, remember that you can really make people feel good about themselves, and remember that there are 7 billion people on the planet. You never have to be lonely. Find new people to think about and to love. Plenty of people want the love you can give. ISTp just hates it (or fears it, or just abuses it for its own benefit on occasion), because while you want extreme emotional connection, ISTp wants extreme emotional distance. No two sociotypes are more extreme on this one issue. ENFj wants obligation, commitments, and strong alliances. ISTp wants utter freedom, minimum constraints on its behavior, and comfort. ENFj's powerful Fe disturbs ISTp's comfort. ISTP's need for freedom (often expressed in impulsivity, betrayal, hiding behavior, outright lies, passive aggression, and silence) just destroys the ENFj, for the ENFj can't understnd why the ISTp refuses to connect-refuses to get close. ENFj wants, more than anything else, stability and predictability in its interpersonal relationships. ENFj can become utterly paralyzed when it can't get the relational stability and predictability it needs to feel safe. ISTp is, quite simply, constitutionally incapable of giving ENFj these things. Thus, ISTp drives ENFj nuts (as can be seen by the confustion and frustration of the OP). Avoid ISTp. Run for the hills. Find another person who will be more appreciative of your generosity and self-sacrifice. Plenty of other sociotypes can truly appreciate and love an ENFj. ISTp can not, at least not without enormous sacrifice, and that's not ISTp's forte. ENFj will sacrifice, and sacrifice, and sacrifice, and try to change, and work to make things better. To all this effort, ISTp will respond with ... nothing (painful silence and no real, sustained effort to change because ISTp resents your emotional pressure and doesn't really want to change). Your energy will be better spent elsewhere.   -- Kheledon |
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