| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1194217660 | Sunday, 4-Nov-2007 |
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| For all the ISTP out there, I want to know what makes you guys hate an ENFJ naturaly. -- ENFJ |
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| A55 also an enfj is not trying to get into istps business at all...enfjs have weak psychological boundaries...so they start feeling other people's problems and don't see it as butting in but being empathetic and trying to help and understand. so they don't get the need for space from them as they have no agenda...they just want to help and be a part of other people's lives. it's just in the blood nothing done on purpose. like with my istp i got worried about their career or work not being appreciated and came up with a plan to make them feel supported which shocked them. as they could not understand why i thought so much to put something like that together for them. then the mistrust and lack of communication and avoidance really drove me nuts as i ketp trying to talk my way out of this. why should i have to feel abd for trying to make the istp feel good inside. it's crazy. i meant nothing bad...but i took the uncomfort to be a negative judgment of me or my motives which made it worse. why don't istps correct the enfj when they are wrong. only time i got istp to explain was when i said i would visit them or come see them or do something where they felt they might have to deal with me. so to avoid that they responded. but that's a sad way to live. then when i started to pull away the istp friend said they apprecited me thinking of them etc and was going to come to see me...and then months of neglect while istp was literally miles away and never once responded to emails or said hi or anything. it ws so confusing ..i kept doing nice things in secret hoping they would remember to contact me. then just said they were uncomfortable that i thought so much. it was so hurtful. i went off and apologized and went off etc etc ..which was all fine but then i said i know you must mean what you said and started to go back to do nice gestures and the istp totally went off and lashed out. i mean it was hurtful but i took at as more sign of caring as otherwise the istp could just have avoided and ignored. istps are so confusing and as enfjs have to figure people out it makes this keep going further too. i mean i got into all this psych theory to explain away my istps behavior so i can continue to love them without judging them...knowing their uncomfort was not personal....but i don't know how to fix it. or what to say....i don't want to do nothing else i feel guilty and at least want forgiveness and friendship back and a chance to talk and hang out again. how do i get friendship back after arousing so much uncomfort and who knows what the istp felt as i panicked , apologized, accused, professed deep affection...all jumble of emotions... i could try to talk to istp even thought they want to be out of touch...but i fear that might be the last straw but when i am upbeat and confident and positive i think i could talk to them and somehow all this would not matter....is it best to let the istp come back on their own,...or is it not going to happen and do i need to make the final attempt to talk in person and face the end of tattered friendship which might be over but i just don't know it....istp will not respond when i ask tell me if your not my friend anymore or don't care about me...etc.. so confusing... sorry for all the istp questions...i care an awful lot about my istp friend...it is one of the most important things in my life. i think saying this seems to be a bad idea too. -- Anonymous |
| A56 any answers on a47 -- Anonymous |
| A57 Thank you for the lengthy and detailed reply. I don't mind the rambling at all. I find it very useful and I like it actually, since it provides more knowledge. I have alot of things on my plate as of now Feb. 18 but I've read your reply and I'll thoroughly think about it to give the best input as I can.I'll be busy this week and I'll try to reply by at least Sunday,so as to not keep you hanging. As a side note, keep in mind that despite sharing similar 4 letters each person still varies in terms of personality and character. Just because a person is an istp, it does not mean they are truthful or that they want to hurt people they care about. I think its a dangerous preposition and assumption. Until then, Cheers! -- istp |
| A58 did u mean next sunday 29th? thanks -- Anonymous |
| A59 hey ...istp any response?...any help would be useful although at this point things might be too late...thanks -- Anonymous |
| A60 any answers on a47? -- Anonymous |
| A61 OK let me take a crack at A47: what can enfj do to make up with istp after blow up? forcing reconcilement with notes and gestures of affection seem to exacerbate issue. would time limit based ultimatum work? how does one apologize or make istp comfortable again after evoking harsh uncomfort... - Anonymous Without knowing too many details, I'd say that ISTps can be very forgiving of anything but deceit. If you lie to an ISTp, he won't forgive you. That's because we take most everything at face-value. We are outwardly trusting, inwardly skeptical. So if you haven't broken that rule, I wouldn't worry too much. Just make contact, in a causal way. You probably shouldn't bring up the conflict. Just be pleasant and polite, and move on. Your ISTP probably has moved on as we don't get too tied up in emotions. -- Anonymous |
| A62 Well, I am not ISTP, however, have notcied that ESFJs are the easiest to type for me, they seem to all be very similar they way they act whereas other types m be more difficult to pin point. The reason I personally, haven't "liked" any of the ENFJs i've met, is because they are seemingly selfish. They are always doing whatever they can to benefit themselves, even if it means putting someone else. They also annoy me when having a conversation- it seems like they are unable to read others/the listeners emotions or reactions to thethings they say and just go on and on and on in conversation. To me they can be rude, and also greedy. I can see how ENFJ and ENTJ hidden adgends are both to be wealthy, but in different ways. ENTJs just dream of wealth, to be wel to do and to live comfortable, its a pride thing for them in a way. but with enfj, it seems like they are just greedy penny pinchers to the max, who, again, put other people out for their own gain, and they do this without embarrassment. This is just my observation with the ENFJs i have known. Anyone else feel the same way? -- ISFJ sensory subtype |
| A63 a57 are you still out there? did you forget or is it too hard to answer..thanks -- Anonymous |
| A64 what if the lie was a white lie....and has been confessed... i denied doing something nice to be selfless and my istp said they did not understand and would not want to keep in touch anymore...if i say sorry for lieing is that not enough...please say there is some way to get past lie...i mean she didn;t accuse me of lying just said was uncomfortable i thought so much about her...i didn't realize maybe she meant i would lie to make her feel good. anyway she asked i respect her feelings of not wanting to be in touch...which has made me nuts and i am not sure what to do to fix... i could beg and say i'll do anything to make up for this...but is that bad too.. i had tried almost begging for help and nice goodbye wiuth no luck.. -- Anonymous |
| A65 At A63. I'm VERY SORRY about what happened. I posted my reply on Sunday just as I said but it did not go through. Be assured I put alot of effort in to it and it was at least one page. However, going back to all the things you mentioned, I would like to share my experience with you with an ENFJ exfriend, enfj teachers, enfjs that I've encoutered as peers and my personal perspective as an individual and I leave it to you if you might assume, as an istp type. To clarify and get a better picture could you provide more information on how you behaved literally? Was he asking for personal space and it was miscontrued? Do you have an ideal image of him or your friendship? Keep in mind also that when helping others or when extending yourself and feel other people's problems, it's not your problem but theirs. It's their decision, their personal experiences and their journey in life as a unique individual. Although most people probably do not know themselves, their unique self, they are the only ones that can actually know themselves. Also, the true self of a person is revealed when as they act spontaneously because you can't hide anything. It reveals motivation and intent. This is just words of advice and my intention is for the advice to help. I'll post more and re-read and analyze what you've written. Thank you for your patient. I'll reply by March 23. To all those who replied, thanks for you comments. -- istp |
| A66 did your march 23 post get missed or not post or something? -- Anonymous |
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| A67 this discussion isnt going to end well -- Anonymous |
| A68 what does that mean -- Anonymous |
| A69 crux of issue is my istp friend told me they liked me thinking of them after 2 years of long distance notes...then when they moved back said were uncomortable i thought of them so much and no comomunication...then i made them upset by feelings and confusions, accusations, apologies, begging etc..etc.. i still feel they care but i am screwing things up somehow and don't know how to fix it ...i think longest i have gone is one month despite saying i wont contact via notes. twice istp has burst into rage and usually in non emotional notes where i sound confident and act like things are cool between us when clearly they are not. please advise. -- Anonymous |
| A70 a65..where are u.. -- Anonymous |
| A71 any ideas...istps...i think if i leave my istp alone long enough they will come back...that else can i hope either that or i go to them and see what happens but if she can't email me then anything else seems like it would have no chance...is it worth trying to actually talk in person even though she doesn't want to...as she hasn't responded to any email pleas...etc..except by accusing me falsely of harassment which she back off as misunderstanding due to her lack of communication...so i think her irrational angry outbursts along with not communicating and ignoring me for years etc is her way of caring. even thought she was dating someone and did not tell me for 4 months after i tolder her i loved her. i don't get her. why keep in touch with me at all and want to see me and not respond about my feelings ever...the fact she gets so mad for no reason cause i don't listen and keep acting like eveyrthing ok is the only way i know she cares. by refusing dailogue and ignoring and neglecting me so mich that it shatters me and then accusing me false charges must means she loves me deeply. -- Anonymous |
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