| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1194217660 | Sunday, 4-Nov-2007 |
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| For all the ISTP out there, I want to know what makes you guys hate an ENFJ naturaly. -- ENFJ |
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| A36 i'm an istp and i maintain a friendly relationship with an enfj. I'm not saying we get along all the time, but its really not bad. We're in a band together, i play the drums, he plays the bass, and our musical chemistry is unbelievable. He's funky as hell and slaps the **** out of his bass, which allows me to go nuts sometimes focusing on complimenting his slaptastic goodness. And i've jammed with plenty of good bass players, but nothing compares to our jam chemistry, but who knows if musical chemistry is anyway related to type. Now... outside the musical realm, sometimes i just want to knock him one in the face. -- Anonymous |
| A37 A30: In reference to the FE dominant types, the reference "everyone" is base on personal experience I have encountered so far, the social status consciousness seems prevalent to FE dominant types. I did not mean to project that of the 6.4 billion people in the world EVERY FE dominant types are status conscious. However, going back to socionics theory about enfj it says the following, "ENFjs respect hierarchy and relate to people accordingly. If a person is in a lower position, their interaction can be cold and disrespectful. However, their behavior towards someone in a higher position than themselves will be tactful and humble. They believe in the concept of leadership and leaders. ENFjs also have tendency to behave aristocratically." -- istp |
| A38 I'm an INFP, so I have the NF part in common with ENFJ. But the big differences are the "I" and the "P". I'm a perceiver and an introvert. I cannot stand an ENFJ's constant need to pry into my emotional world. In terms of communication, ENFJs tend to only see one way - their way. This is incredibly frustrating for someone who likes to check the social climate out first before jumping into the fray. I like to deal with my emotions in solitude or with one good friend rather than in company of nosy onlookers. The most frustrating about ENFJs is their inability to respect the boundaries of introverted perceivers. When I'm around my ENFJ acquaintances, I regularly have to repeat my emotional boundaries. I try to be firm but gentle. It works maybe five minutes and then the ENFJs go right back to intruding, prying, pushing, patronizing and criticizing. Worst of all, ENFJs (especially females) try to make "emotional contracts" with you. This is extremely frustrating and drains my energy big time. For this reason, I have consciously chosen to stay away from ENFJ types. I think ENFJs are at their best when they feel needed and special. Sure, anybody does, but ENFJs need even more attention and approval than the average. This is probably why an ENFJ started this thread in the first place because ENFJs can't stand it that others aren't emotionally alike. -- Anonymous |
| A39 I love how you ISTPs think, I think I have my type. -- Anonymous |
| A40 @A36, so apparently there is a mistyping going on, because it sounds like you've described a socionics activity relation. -- Anonymous |
A41 I think the reason Enfj and Istp don't get alone is due to their use of different elements. Neither respect or appreciate the other's thought patter and misunderstandings brood over in between. I guess it's like what was described in the conflict relationship page. Really, Enfj are nice fellows in their own way. I mean they can be a bit bossy and demanding in their opinions. As a thinker, I think it's just that they tend to take things personally and don't understand how to live without emotions. This behavior can get annoying if they become stubborn and argumentative in their own ways to someone else with a different opinion. It's only natruel that conflictors are equipped with different abilities and it's impossible to assume that the whole world will confirm to your way. Of course, my post too is just one of a thousand opinions that might weigh nothing in someoneelse's eye. Having said that, Enfj can be really thoughtful and they make good friends as long as you don't contradict their values. Sometimes, learn to chill a bit and let others live the way they want, and maybe the Istp will accept Enfj more? Just venturing some guesses  -- kily |
| A42 Wow! I read a lot of stereotyping...I guess that is what is the easiest thing to do. Remember a little information can be dangerous in judging others. As an enfj I have been married to an istp (hold the applause) for 13 years. There are many ways our relationship works and many ways it does not. We are the ultimate example of opposites attract..but then what? We certainly don't "hate" one another, just the opposite, we have a deep caring and appreciation for what the other brings to the table. However, I think it has been a difficult journey for us in getting one another. I have unbeatable intuition, but sometimes I don't want to have to just know inwardly, I want to hash out stuff verbally and that makes my istp uncomfortable. So, most of the time I have to stifle myself for his sake, and he probably still feels like he is tolerating my enthusiasm when I am running at 50% capacity. So, I do think we have both really growth and learned from each other, but unhappily we will always feel like the gap between meeting in the middle is always just too huge to bridge. -- Anonymous |
| A43 ISTp's are like turtles. Don't push or poke them. They do like the equivilant of neck-scratches though. It's the difference between an ENFj and a ENFp thats ISTp's don't like. -- Anonymous |
| A44 A1 and A20- are you the same person? -- istp |
| A45 One of my best friends is an ENFJ and we get on really well. I have the easiest relationsip with her. We've never had a fight in the last 6 yrs that we have been friends. The perpetual enthusiasm was a bit a annoying at first but after I got to know her, it was actually what I liked about her most because I'm the opposite. It takes a lot to get me excited but an ENFJ's enthusiasm is infectious.You won't keep that trade mark ISTP aloof face on when around them. -- Anonymous |
| A46 A45: If it's true that you've never fought with your best friend for that long, it's fairly likely that you don't have a conflicting relationship with her. -- ISTp |
| A47 what can enfj do to make up with istp after blow up? forcing reconcilement with notes and gestures of affection seem to exacerbate issue. would time limit based ultimatum work? how does one apologize or make istp comfortable again after evoking harsh uncomfort... -- Anonymous |
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| A48 what does it mean if istp does not tell enfj they are dating someone until 4 months after enfj discloses they have feelings for them and only due to getting annoyed. does it mean istp likes the enfj or do they not care so much. -- Anonymous |
| A49 At A47, I'm guessing you are an enfj. I'll answer your question (base on what I think) if you answer mine. Other enfjs are welcome to answer as well. I'm an istp myself and I have a hard time understanding and getting along with enfjs. This tends to be consistent with the enfjs I've encountered in my whole life. For some reason I just happen to end up in the ****-list without knowing or being aware of what I might have done wrong. Since no man lived in an island, I know that I'll encounter enfjs again sometime, somewhere. My intention here is wanting to know how to get along with them, what makes them tick, how to communicate effectively with them via words and action so that no negativity arises. Keep in mind that I don't hate or dislike them, nor do I like or love them. I just want to be "cordial" with them and have no conflict or negativity when interacting or encountering them. As a side note I think that ENFJs have a lot of great strengths and with that comes weaknesses just like everyone else. Despite being my conflictor and not having been able to get along with them, I think that they have a lot of positive things to offer in the world. They tend to be organize,dependable, high EQ and endowed with exceptional people skills. Traits that some istps and others might admire and appreciate. -- istp |
| A50 to get a long with an enfj...is pretty easy i think..being one..they need to get some feedback...doens't have to be emotional or anything..simple feedback-even non emotional- like thanks or something or even saying you don't understand and would like you to take interest in saying help me understand...what does this mean to you...is nice...i mean enfjs do their best to get along with everyone...it's annoying if istp does not reciprocate...or at least say when they don;t know things...or are not interested in understanding once confusion ensues...that's the most frustrating if the ISTP say they don't understand but don't ask any question and run of...for an enfj to be ticked....it would require a lot of ignoring or perceived ignoring on an istps part. enfjs like to make others happy and not expect anything in return...istps i find get confused by this and think the enfj is expecting something when they are not...they just want to make people be happy and it makes them light up... if istps hide that and get weird or keep avoiding or never make time or effort to be a friend. not sure this is making sense to you as an istp... i mean to save the friendship with my istp...i have done everything under the sun...beg...pleaded..admitted to things not knowing what i did wrong...accused... the thing that makes my istp mad most it appears to me is if i do something nice for them that somehow i know intuitively they will like or do something special for them. it seems to create uncomfort. not sure why. is this helping or do you have a more specific enfj behavior that confuses you. -- Anonymous |
| A51 at a49 does a50 help...also any answers on a47? -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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