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| Question #1198891392 | Saturday, 29-Dec-2007 |
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| Are INTps even CAPABLE of falling in love? And if so, are they capable of realizing it? -- Anon |
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| A53 To A50 from A51. I'm getting older it seems. I was'nt positioning to condescend your post. It could however appear that way. But it was'nt intended. I am probably an ENTP, but "feel", ( now I am on the touchy\feely territory deep inside) strongly attached to both INTP's and ENTJ's, and to some certain extent INTJ's. They are easy to level with. And I am capable to level with your experiences, but I digress in the solution. Objectively I dont think you did anything wrong, but subjectively, for yourself, you did. Why? Well, it didnt make you a bad person, let that be understood. But you lost an opportunity to gain something valuable, or a fragment of valuable, (it is a steady neverending course of "walking"), since you avoided an already unavoidable "conflict". Cause, it was clearly a conflict situation associated with this. When you arrange defences and barricades to protect yourself from emotional strain, you are really trying to escape the problem in the easy way out. If you can escape the problem this way, without associating such bahaviour in negative terms to yourself and your selfimage, like "beeing a bad person" as a result of it, then you are OK. No problem. It is not optimal, but at least your selfworth isnt suffering. After all, I look upon it this way; If anyone happens to like me, no matter how much, I dont "owe" them anything for that. Consequently I dont owe them explanations as well. This works both ways. And add to that, according to what you wrote, she had disqualified herself further from explanations, since her engagement factor was... low? So, as I see it, you didnt owe this girl any explanation for what you did. You were not in any emotional debt of some kind. However, you have obviously thought about this situation a lot, some why's and such, and then we have a situation that is not optimal for you. You have a bad closure. You would have gained tremendously in something I call core integrity, your inner emotional, convictional platform, (now that sounded pompous as could be), by confronting her with all the specifics, calm and point by point, and then just left. The option was just leaving, and never look back. I have taken a few of those, and they are OK, never thinks about them. But you grow with the "explanation-conflict". And maybe she would have too. And a last one; Evaluation-phase- Well, cant help you there in any way. It is just my lifestory handling things that way. To the extreme such phases have lasted 1 year plus. But that is not a bad thing, even if the "train" might leave from time to time. -- Anonymous |
| A54 From my INTP perspective - anyone can fall in love, but as has been noted there are various ways to define love. Personally - due to my theological background - I define love as ones willingness to sacrifice for another, for the sake of that other person. By this definition then - love CAN be measured - and the greatest demonstration of love is to sacrifice one's own life for the sake of another. Feelings are not love - feelings change and can be fickle. They can enforce love and create it - but ultimately love is about valuing another. You can meet someone on the street and get the feeling that you like someone - that your personalities go well together and you wouldn't mind getting to know them better. But - at this point in time - you really aren't willing to sacrifice anything for them. You may be willing to sacrifice some time and money to investigate the potential - but these feelings are NOT love. Love transcends our day-to-day feelings - and that's why even when couples get in heated debates and are severely angry with each other - they can still say that they love them. -- Ryan |
| A55 I am a female INTP and very much in love. Fear not. -- Lillian |
| A56 As a 22 year old INTP female who has fallen in love twice, the short answer would be rarely, but hard, and not when other types might think we *ought* to. -- Anonymous |
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| A57 Props to Ryan (A54). If love can be defined as such, then anyone-including we INTPs-can love. Non INTPs should note that we INTPs will almost invariably bury our emotions if we are unsure of what will happen if we do. And few things seem more unsure than relationships, especially involved romantic ones. INTPs like me can indeed love very deeply. -- Anonymous |
| A58 A54: I somehow subconsciously waited for someone to make a note like this here but that had been improbable as this site is about Socionics, not love in general or theology. Thanks! Don't know how to comment but I absolutely agree. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A59 Intp's can definitely love. It's absurd to think otherwise (that goes for all of you intp's saying you are incapable too because I have definitely been in love and I am definitely an intp). The manifestation of love for an intp is drastically different from most other types though. Reason is pinnacle to the intp so intp's love rationally and, since our primary function is Ti, we experience this love in our heads considering the uncontrollable emotional part to be obvious simply because we cannot control it, cannot hide it, and so it doesn't need to be expressed. To us it is already expressed (it's like telling someone you hear music while at a concert; there is no need). Read up on personality types and you will see that intp's have a problem stating the obvious anyway in purely objective discussions too. This is particularly hard for Es folks who need to see it for it to exist. For an intp, it always exists, it is just now uncovered and you are not looking. One way an intp will show his/her love is by doing things they know you like. One of my previous girlfriends was a vegan, so whenever we would go out I'd try to find places that had a variety of vegan foods even though she insisted that she could "always just eat french fries or a baked potato." Another one was a musician so I'd get her reeds for her clarinet because it was on my way home from work. Not the most romantic thing in the world i agree but whenever an intp has you on the forefront of his mind enough to think to do such things rest assured it is an act of love. Really even the most loved persons will be set aside and largely ignored for the Ti function at times. Another thing, intp's generally will never make a first move (I emphasize first because once he knows for certain that he has you then he will go for it full throttle but that generally follows a signal from you first). Falling in love, initially at least, is mostly emotional but the decision to follow through that feeling is purely rational and an intp is way too guarded to charge blindly into the mist. This is mostly because it does not make sense to not have a strategy for your approach, we do not like confrontation, and we simply do not like being proven wrong to the point that we are satisfied with just knowing "yeah I could have done that, I just didn't want to do it." Even if that statement is pure delusion. -- random intp |
| A60 in response to question link in A59: 2 definitions: 1) ra·tio·nal Pronunciation: \ˈrash-nəl, ˈra-shə-nəl\ Function: adjective Etymology: Middle English racional, from Anglo-French racionel, from Latin rationalis, from ration-, ratio Date: 14th century 1 a: having reason or understanding b: relating to, based on, or agreeable to reason : reasonable <a rational explanation> <rational behavior> 2: involving only multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction and only a finite number of times 3: relating to, consisting of, or being one or more rational numbers <a rational root of an equation> — ra·tio·nal·ly adverb — ra·tio·nal·ness noun 2) im·pro·vise Pronunciation: \ˈim-prə-ˌvīz also ˌim-prə-ˈ\ Function: verb Inflected Form(s): im·pro·vised; im·pro·vis·ing Etymology: French improviser, from Italian improvvisare, from improvviso sudden, from Latin improvisus, literally, unforeseen, from in- + provisus, past participle of providēre to see ahead — more at provide Date: 1826 transitive verb 1 : to compose, recite, play, or sing extemporaneously 2 : to make, invent, or arrange offhand 3 : to make or fabricate out of what is conveniently on hand <improvise a meal> intransitive verb : to improvise something These are not mutually exclusive. Just because an action is unplanned does not make it irrational. It seems inconsistant to lump the intp into a group as displaying irrational behaviour when the intp is noted for attention to logic and detail: "In their activities they show a strict logic, that can sometimes become very pedantic and scrupulous." The J types are noted for decisiveness and organization, which can often be irrational (there is no rational need to organize your sock drawer if you only wear one type and brand of sock). These seem to be a major inconsistancy in the verbage of you website. If I am mistaken please let me know if and, most importantly, how. (how's that for some classic intp behavior?) -- same random intp |
| A61 i am an intp and yes.. i feel we get emotionally attached to people quickly if we like them. we just have a hard time expressing our feelings. to A30- he probably did like you - and your expectations probably ruined it. INTP's almost never make the first move, they are very passive and play by the ear.... if you are a girl interested in the intp.. you have to make the first move.. and.. actually .. most of the moves. they are often to shy to do so, and have a hard time finding the way to do it, and the right time. A30, you probably read him wrong.. or he didnt like you. -- intp |
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