| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1198891392 | Saturday, 29-Dec-2007 |
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| Are INTps even CAPABLE of falling in love? And if so, are they capable of realizing it? -- Anon |
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| A31 Considering love can be a strong emotion, and INTp's pour water on strong emotions, or enthusiasm for that matter, i'd say it's unlikely. -- Anonymous |
| A32 I've been in several serious relationships, but was I ever really in love with them? After analyzing my feelings, I don't think so. At least not what I imagine love is. I've also convinced myself to feel love for people who are "suitable" to love. If I can turn love off and on like that, I don't thinks it's real, true love. I hope we're capable of it, but I doubt it. -- INTP |
| A33 I'm an INTp male, and no, personally I don't believe we can love. I feel uncomfortable in relationships. There are too many variables to keep track of. Relationships always devolve into mind games, and once that occurs, I abort post haste. It's just not worth it. -- Anonymous |
| A34 Absolutely we do! We don't SAY the words and are usually uncomfortable doing so. Also, how we go about knowing we love someone is very...different. #1 Either we sit down and think about the person and whether or not we love them or can love them (that's important). We evaluate this. If we come to the conclusion that we do, we may not voice to you. If we come to the conclusion that the potential is there it means we don't feel we know each other well enough yet. (but this isn't a bad thing)#2 The other person tells us of their love for us and there's an immediate realization that "yes, I do love this person." This happens only if the INTP did #1 prior to the person expressing their love. If they haven't thought about it previously, or the INTP thinks there is potential for love but they're not there yet, it's usually very uncomfortable for the INTP. -- INTP |
| A35 Is A11 an ISTP? lol -- Anonymous |
| A36 INTp and ESFp may be the types that most stretch the credibility of the duality premise, but if you think about it it's not really fair that INTps are blamed for it. INTps are probably similar to "us" (ENTjs) in the sense that extroverted sensing matters meddle with our ability to make relationships work with our duals. If an INTp has it together from an Se perspective he is probably much more likely to be able to hold an ESFp's attention. The original question is also pretty misguided because the INTp and ESFp dual dynamic has nothing to do with whether either is "capable of love" (demonstrative; an extroverted feeling concern in the first place), and much more to do with the possibility of sexual fidelity and other commitment issues. -- Anonymous |
| A37 looks like entj don't understand the details of love either @A36. You don't measure love on the basis of fidelity and other commitment issues..ie putting in for a house is a material thing which can be done in the absence of any love or compassion. -- T |
| A38 @A37: Oh wait, no, I guess we don't. Except: 1) I don't even pretend to "measure love" in the first place, nor do I believe that anyone can; and 2) I don't separate "the details of love" from the conditions of a relationship in which the realization of love is possible (perhaps this is my mistake?). Without fidelity or commitment, a relationship is impossible, and if a relationship is impossible then love is pretty much useless (at least love of this kind). Of course, fidelity and commitment can exist so a relationship is possible, and love can have a use, so. Maybe I'm just taking more factors into consideration than you are? -- Anonymous |
| A39 A31: I'd say pouring water on strong emotions is more an INTj feature - not that INTps are emotional or dramatic, but at least my INTp friends know how to cope with dramatic situations and strong emotions (unless they are expressed in an Fe way), they usually solve them by keeping cold mind. And they themselves can become quite enthusiastic. Pouring water on enthusiasm has been exactly the source of problems between myself and INTjs, not INTps. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A40 @A38, people love a special someone all the time without being fidel-open relations for instance. And commitment can be made without love. I don't understand what you are trying to say anymore. My point still stands. It's down to the individuals.. and you are attempting to measure love by your guidelines for achieving it. -- T |
| A41 A better question, Can anyone truely love an INTP? -- INTp female |
| A42 I have had several INTPs fall in love with me. -- ENTP |
A43 Yeah, I have dated an INTP. I think I was the first girl he took home to meet mom. We had that natural spark that only happens once in a blue moon and We were great together. Anyways, I broke up with him because he would cancel stuff on me ( with is acceptable at times, but not when it's something important to me like an art show reception of with I was part of.) Even though he kept saying that he was crazy about me ( he even said once he loved me - we were completely wasted). I miss him, so much. I would like to try again, just don't know how to approach him. it's been a month we don't see or talk to each other. Any tips?  -- Anonymous |
| A44 phone him up talk to him, persist. Beat him down with your :Ses: so to speak -- Cyclops |
| A45 Haha! If I do that he'll probably run. He hates conflict. Are you an INTP? -- Anonymous |
| A46 I agree A44. Yes. If you broke up with him he may be VERY cautious about re-opening up to you. The key is to be persistent but not demanding. Regular contact without obligation from him is a great way to break down any defenses/walls he may have built after the breakup. -- Anonymous |
| A47 Haha! If I do that he'll probably run. He hates conflict. Are you an INTP? -- Anonymous |
| A48 Im an INTP (sadly) but yes we definatly can be in love. I find that its hard to show it though. Find it extremly difficult to say the things like "I love you" and give compliments even tho i do feel it inside. I dont think love may be realised until after an arguement or there taken away from you. -- kelv |
| A49 A41: Yeah. I do. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
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| A50 To A43, and A46: Being an INTP myself I can clearly see myself in that situation. I stepped out of a relationship a while ago and I noticed I was building up defenses and setting up barricades to protect myself from falling back in, (or being pulled back in, for that matter). I started avoiding her, actively trying to prevent us getting in contact. I was in some sort of evaluation-phase trying to reason logically wether I really loved this person or not. Well, after I saw her being totally untouched by my absence; having had a 2 year relationship and a way older friendship; I understood I didn't need to reason anything anymore. And thus my love for this otherwise great girl ended. Did I do something wrong? Are INTP's only capable of understanding love with logic? -- M |
| A51 Man! what kind of weirdos these NT's are! Rationalize love? Unpredictable loose ends? Dissecting and labeling the elements of love? Now this is funny, is that an constructive issue when establishing a relationship platform?... hmm... well, by all means, keep trying. I have, to no avail, I might add, XNTX as I seem to be, if there ever is such a thing. Love and logic is at first sight two different things, but not really, to me the pure sensation of love is a hardwired thing mainly for igniting actions to keep the human race going and bonding and enhancing family and sociological structures . That is the objective perspective. Which is logical as per se. But when we start to philosophy about all the other how's, why's and what's, indulging in love for love only, subjectively, the then we are really running into trouble. You have lost focus. If you find a goal for your love however, then you have some kind of logical understanding in your endeavours, if that is the necessary for maintaining. A fuel for your direction. Personally, I lack a goal motivation, as I never have had any goal as such with it, have always lacked that, then love is just an isolated emotional seduction of some kind. Although, I've been trapped there too, numerously, which is not good for your integrity when you dont understand why you are really there, and no goal to explain it. Especially if that type of understanding is kind of philosophically essential, which makes such activities not only incomprehensable, but also unnappealing. Subjectively I might stress. -- Anonymous |
| A52 A50 - I don't think you did anything wrong! I believe all NTs are similar in that aspect for, and I speak for myself, we don't need to be around someone who doesn't seem to care for us. That is an asset because we have the ability to analyze the situation from a subjective point of view when most NFs or SFs can't. (A43) -- Anonymous |
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