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| Question #1198891392 | Saturday, 29-Dec-2007 |
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| Are INTps even CAPABLE of falling in love? And if so, are they capable of realizing it? -- Anon |
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| A93 I'm an INTP female and it's silly to say that a whole class of personality type, which within itself has different expressions and variability, is incapable of love. At the same time though, I'm certain us INTPs have it more difficult than most. So far I haven't been in love, but I did have a relationship that proved to me that I am capable of one. Had he been more intellectual, shared more of my interests, then I think something could have happened there. Alas, he wasn't, but I'm certain someone like that must exist. As others have already said, the difficulty for other types in recognizing our love lies in that unless you're very perceptive, or you ask us point blank (we almost never lie, especially about important things, it hardly even occurs to us unless we are in a very serious bind and feels very unnatural) then you'll probably never know. Everything all my fellow INTPs have said is absolutely true. We take forever to analyze our feelings, are terrified of opening up, and it could take years for us to feel comfortable saying "I Love You." The thing to know about INTPs, is that we are feeling a lot more inside than you see on the outside. In fact, you should treat the very fact that they are there with you as a testament that they are interested, because I guarantee you, if they weren't they wouldn't be with you. Also, if we feel pressured, we run and avoid you as much as possible. The best course of action here, is to call us up as soon as you realize we're in avoidance-mode, tell us that you realize it's difficult for them to be in relationships and show intimacy (you have NO idea how much appreciation we will feel to hear you acknowledge this), that you want to continue the relationship and are also respectful of their need for space. Tell them you'll wait a few weeks to contact them again but they can contact you any time. I can't guarantee this will always work, but I can guarantee they'll think a lot better of you. A month is about perfect, because about that time we are missing you and too much after and we'll start convincing ourselves our feelings weren't real. I'm not going to lie, we can seem like a lot of work to you E-types, because we don't give you much feedback, praise or outward displays of affection for the first year or so at least, for many of us, but we are actually very undemanding, as relationships go. Just being with us and talking to us is enough, in general we don't need you to spend lots of money on us, and we actually prefer that you keep your own life, we wouldn't want to take it away from you, it gives us our alone time, and you'll probably have more interesting things to talk about then. There are other benefits to being with us INTPs, as well. We realize our shortcomings, we want to show the affection you need, and will definitely try, so long as you acknowledge how difficult it is for us, and appreciate what we do show. We are very loyal, we aren't good with feelings, but with everything else, we won't lie. If we are there, we are in it for the long haul, we aren't flighty or flirty. He are good conversationalists, and we are infinitely reasonable (so long as you're being reasonable, we can't tolerate lack of logic). Basically relationships with INTPs are difficult to start, because we rarely make the first moves, and at first it may seem they aren't interested. As long as you don't pressure them, remain interesting and show them the understanding they need to feel comfortable, they can be some of the most solid, peaceful, rewarding relationships of any. -- An INTP |
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