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| Question #1198891392 | Saturday, 29-Dec-2007 |
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| Are INTps even CAPABLE of falling in love? And if so, are they capable of realizing it? -- Anon |
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| A62 To me this matter is much more than something related just to being an INTP. The way each INTP approaches love may be very different from individual to indidual. I'm a male INTP and believe you or not, I've been in love at least six times during my 20 years of living. The first time I was only 8! I always found it easy to realize quickly what was going on with myself. Some INTP like me are kind of more lunatic and obstinated with this issue. However, all my love experiences until today were all platonics. If there's such a thing that I can prove as an INTP is that we may feel in love for long, and we have some more strong tendencies to obcessed-monogamous dedication than others. However, achieving more maturity I tried to never idealize to much the girls I fell in love with. I developed kind of a sense that reconigzing all the qualities and weaknesses of the loved person would move me close to what I consider as true love. That's the mean reason I think INTPs tend to analize so much themselves and their loved when they are in love. Since INTPs live too much in the idea´s world, I were likely to never have an iniciative to showing my feelings to the person, that was also due to my shyness and seclusion. Once I got to deal better with these things, I came across with another problem: I used to be too much sudden and straight in my approaches with the girls. What I thought was romantic, seemed too disproportionate for them. So I had to adjust my behaviour to balance the things. Nowadays I'm trying with another girl and got to avoid many of the basic errors of the other times. Let´s see I hit the mark this time. -- Anonymous |
| A63 I'm in love with one. He doesn't love me but he always makes the first move. -- Kitty |
| A64 Alright. YES INTp's can fall in love. Everyone thinks that INTp's are unemotional and whatnot, but that really isn't all there is to us. We have feelings just like every other person. INTp's are just very closed off with their feelings and sometimes have a hard time expressing how they feel. If they are unsure about the way that the other person feels, they might be afraid to express how they feel, fearing rejection. And when it comes to relationships, INTp's don't like to rush things because they feel like they are being forced to make a commitment. They are afraid to let people close to them because they are afraid of being hurt. I fell in love with an ESFp who ended up breaking my heart. After everything was over I was hurt really bad. And even if they are hurt, INTp's will probably try to hide it. An INTp must realize that other types must be told that they are loved. They can't assume that the person knows. They must also trust their partner, or else they may not open up. I'm saying this from personal experience and from what I've read on INTps. -- 17 year old INTP girl |
| A65 i'm an INTp i think, and i get obsessive over guys sometimes and enjoy talking about them, although i make it clear that i'm not talking about "love" per se. is that way too uncharacteristic? am i an F type? but yes we can fall in love. -- Anonymous |
| A66 I've been in love 3-4 times. I certainly didn't make it easy on the girl. If you're talking about high school crushes, people may get frustrated with INTps' lack of Fi. You can't ask him "how do you feel about me? how do you feel about me?" An INTp might be physically attracted to a variety of possible partners, but in my experience, it takes dozens of hours of intellectual conversations to make him (her) realize that somebody might just be intelligent enough to date. My suggestion- take the shortcut. Appeal to his Fe side. My wife had a pair of beautiful Egyptian Mau kittens when we met. I hate cats. I cannot stand the idea of tying myself down with the responsibility of caring for an animal. Somehow, I catsit for her when she went out of town. I found the guys to be intelligent and fiercely independent, yet tiny and vulnerable. They could reciprocate an unlimited amount of affection and they never spoiled the mood by spouting some uninformed opinion. I had dated an ESFp dual in college who basically did the same thing. Out of the blue, she gave me her senior pictures one day during class, in which she looked like a little Japanese school girl. Before long, she was napping on my couch in my apartment and I found myself feeding her like a stray cat. Whatever intellectual objections I might raise to a relationship had been short-circuited. Navigating social relationships is difficult or impossible for the INTp. Caring and nurturing (to love) are the hidden agenda. -- 29 year old INTp male |
| A67 HELL yes, more than most. -- INTp |
| A68 A54 is alpha NT to the core, plus completely oblivious and numb to gamma values: emotional authenticity, the meaning of personal intimacy, bonding and trust, etc. There's a lot more to life, a WHOLE lot more, than you guys discern with your ruthlessly "goal-oriented," take charge, and make-do focus. -- INTP |
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| A69 The INTP-ESFP duality relationship reminds me of a romantic comedy plot. Unusually pretty ESFP girl keeps on getting in relationships that don't work (with ENTJ's). INTP mopes around life, nothing is right, until he sees girl, falls in love instantly, doesn't understand it. INTP somehow gets courage to ask ESFP out, she says yes, and they live happily ever after. And the audience goes 'aww, how cute, too bad it doesn't happen in real life'. The reason this plot is a good movie is because we all like to see the little guy win. Go INTP's, we believe in you, even if you don't. (Note movies are not all the same, and I like making stuff up) -- ENTP |
A70 A69: Yeah, a nice point - like the Firefly series or Bridget Jones Diary. It would be nice to experience it, to see "the little guy win"  I like to win myself, but also like encouraging the capacity to win in others, making them realize they are stronger than they think. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A71 "Love is a losing game"! -- Joana |
| A72 I thought this might be worth cutting and pasting here in response to this question.You will find the original under infj question category. A6 Thankyou to everyone who has reponded so far.I have kept on researching and came across this site http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Stratievskaya_ILI . It was not the easiest thing to read but there was so much written up under the INTp there that seems to fit me perfectly. I read it out to a couple of people who also have an interest in personality types who thought that it was spot on for me. Has anyone come across this site before in thier research and what do you think of it? Oh and also I 'clicked' when I read the INTp's hidden agenda 'to love'. This is extremely strong in me. I have, like a love barometre inside of me that constantly wants to feel love in the most intense way possible...all of the time...is that odd or what...especially if I am a thinker not a feeler. And I must say that if am a rational then I am indeed a very feminine one, not at all like I imagined one to be. And indeed I imagined them to be almost feelingless but I have many strong feelings and emotions though I am not especially sentimental. And in response to A5, yes I did have a far from normal childhood and was very uncertain with many things such as moving into a different culture and mainly interacting with females and so on and so on...thanks again - Suzzy who was INFj but not any more I think this shows how intense an intp is capable in feeling love for another person. -- Anonymous |
| A73 I was in love with an INTp and he didn't love me back. -- ISFj |
| A74 I'm re-reading some of these posts (I'll finish the rest later) after an INTp DID fall in love with me... but how do I know, though he never said those words "I love you"? I just know... and it breaks my heart that I can't find him anymore... he disappeared and hasn't tried to make contact (at least to my knowledge) but just knowing that he did love is enough... well it's really not enough... and I don't know where I'm going with this but d*mmit, how do you find an INTp after they just up and leave... *sighs* -- anonymous EXXp girl |
| A75 A73, A74: This won't help, but I have the same experience and I can understand you, it's enough to drive one crazy. A74: mine even seems to have disappeared from the students list, don't know how this could've happened... Other students were telling me he was not normal but I still liked him, but was too shy to talk to him. And now I started to think that maybe he suffered from Asperger syndrome. But I can't make sure whether that's true because he's disappeared. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A76 im an intp. it's so hard to love. my ex was an ISFP and we're never on the same page. i want us to be friends but he wanted a love that is so quiet and unobstrusive and our conversations suck. just too different. i think we still love each other but im not gonna do anything bout it -intp female -- Anonymous |
| A77 INTP. The moment I realized I was in love, I made every effort to deny it. Months later, I made every effort to prove to this girl that I was in love, failed miserably, and seriously damaged our friendship as a result. Maybe I ought to have kept my mouth shut, eh? But I don't really believe that. It's been over a year since we last talked (we had a fight) and I still feel the same way about her. It was only my first experience, I suppose, but I now refuse to accept that I am incapable of those kinds of emotions. -- Anonymous |
| A78 Ah. Well, you see, when an INTP does fall in love, it's very difficult for them to let it show. It's like opening yourself to being more vulnerable. INTP's have a hard time trusting people, and to give someone that kind of emotional control is something that simply scares them. It takes a while for an INTP to trust someone with their inner feelings and complicated emotions. Furthermore, INTP's want to know that they are positive about their feelings, and have considered all options, thoroughly analyzed compatibility to avoid future issues, and feel that they can trust that person to handle it the way they would feel comfortable with. It's much more complicated with just going with the gut, as there is just so much more to think about. I'm an INTP female, and only 16, but I know how hard it is to trust other people with feelings, because humans tend to overlook other's most private feelings and make them a trivial matter, and humans also tend to disappoint. We just want to be sure. ahah I can tell this is overanalyzing it a bit, but we really can't seem to help this. I must add, however, that not every INTP is the same, and the variations do depend on the environment they were raised in. I suppose by this I mean, try not to generalize the INTP personality quite so much, because we all are different in the smallest ways. hmm. that was longer than I thought it would be.. -- Anonymous |
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