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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1243108619 | Saturday, 23-May-2009 |
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| So as an ISTp, I would like some clarification on this reputation of "hurting" people. I'm confused.. is this physical harm? verbal? And there are different degrees of hurting... like, 'Oh gee, Sally, he told me he would call me but he didn't!' or are we talking, 'Wow, my istp boyfriend bought me a 25 cent ring for our anniversary, i'm breaking up with him!'? There are infinitely many ways to 'hurt' people and EVERYONE gets their feelings hurt.. is it all the ISTp's fault? It all just seems so irrelevant and subjective as to what constitutes this. The context in which the dirty deed is done is never fully explained, is muddy, unclear, and/or biased slander. Look, I'm an ISTp, I know my flaws, I have a super-secret emotional world and I will do what I need to do to protect it, BUT I never deliberately go out and try to hurt someone's feelings. Ever. -- Anonymous |
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| A1 i think its more like 'oh gee sally i was so dumb, i talked to him, but didnt really get anywhere cause in a nutshell he wanted me to wait three months because being with me wasn't convenient for him and i DID! wtf was i thinking? being single is usually fun for me but being emotionally hooked for months builds tiers of false expectations and is obviously energy draining because there are no rewards whatsoever, and then in a matter of seconds it got shattered because he just let me know in a single sentence there was nothing there.' that stung but i guess you wouldn't know or understand anything about that. after that it just gets better and better. I want someone who'd like to be with me for a change. and someone i can trust completely. the one i've encountered was not trustworthy. breaking trust can be very very hurtful to everyone usually which, again you wouldnt understand. -- infj |
| A2 As for not calling when specifically said that he will depends on things like a) how often it happens b) if there was a valid excuse c) how he/she shows regret for it and how sorry he/she is d) how he/she makes up for it etc. Usually not calling without the above mentioned factors screams stuff like 'hes not that into you' and 'he'd rather do every thing else with his time than to hear your voice. you are obviously not in his top 100 priorities'. So it depends on other factors whether not calling when promised is hurtful or not. Did you mean a 25 cent ring for an engagement? cause if not, that sounds like something i would do just because i think its funny and cute.... and thoughtful. it shows a) the anniversary was remembered b) its not a common anniversary gift (the only 25 cent rings i know are in those quarter machines (if they still even have em) in the doorways of stores) so its kinda original and creative c) time was specially spent to go to a store that sells them d) it mustve been hard work to find that cheap of a ring etc. -- Anonymous |
| A3 that hurts, a1 -- Anonymous |
| A4 Not fair to generalize to all ISTPs, the actions of one guy who lacked sensitivity. I grant that ISTPs shun commitment, at least this one does, but that is not to say that we lack the capacity to love and treat others with compassion. ISTPs are quick to end relationships that don't work. Would you rather it be drawn out if the result is certain? I wish you well in your search. -- ISTPJim |
| A5 Can one who is an "ISTP" tell a story of them hurting someone. no need to get deep into the story... its just I can't pictue myself hurting anothe person in the ways A-1 and A-2 said. like jim said if i found out i did not the person i was with anymore i would call it off after a day or 2 of some thought. -- Anonymous |
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| A6 I think this myth is a bunch of BS. As a mature istp, I feel that throughout my life, no one gets hurt as much as I do on a regular basis, and I have had to put up with more "refuse" and emotional baggage from others than most. It takes me far longer to grieve and bounce back from things others consider no big deal, compared to the big stuff. This is a large reason for us to keep our distance and independence from others, as well as try and stay calm, cool and collected rather than the walking local social "dump" (as I often feel like). Yet I have notice others interpret my "aloofness" as being oblivious, when that is FAR from the truth. I notice every strike and it gets registered in my internal scoreboard on other people's character and subsequent trustworthiness. It may look like it had no impact, but it hurts me deep and carves a rift. Maybe we don't have the emotional resiliency that others seem to. So when we do lay out the truth at times, trying to tiptoe around others EGOs as much as possible all our lives, others think we're being "cruel" for being truthful - especially if mentioning what WE want for a change - and so get offended when we aren't giving them their personal, socially-narcissistic "feed" (or so it appears to us, in most of our interpersonal observations - unless, of course, we are around more logical, practical and down-to-earth types on a regular basis). -- Anonymous |
| A7 Being perceived as hurtful relates to what a particular type would do to protect or satisfy itself and how that action is perceived by another type that is also trying to protect or satisfy itself. Different people would would go to different lengths to protect, for example, a super-secret emotional world. All types can be perceived as hurtful in some way no matter how well intentioned they may be. -- I/O |
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