| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
| | Join now! |
Who is who?Learn how to convert between different systems
V.I.An introduction into the widely used Socionics Visual Identification technique
TestsA collection of Socionics related tests and quizes
Q & AsAsk a Socionics related question or provide an answer to an existing one
ArticlesVarious articles on the subject of Socionics and Types in general
ForumsWant to discuss Type? Head to Socionics Forums!
|
| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1193029720 | Monday, 22-Oct-2007 |
|
|
| I am an INFJ female who is interested in an ENTP male. Our current relationship is one of friendship. I am having some trouble figuring out just how close the friendship is because of the different ways he acts when we are together. I guess I should add that things are just a tad bit more complicated than that...He is actually dating my best friend who is an ENFP. My ENFP friend and I have managed to overcome the obstacles in our friendship...mostly. We have remained close and actually grown in our friendship, but I feel as though I am forced to hold back when discussions of love ensue. I am very devoted to my close friends and would never want to cause her pain, but at the same time I feel distanced from her because she does not know that i haven't been able to stop loving him. I am rather young(17), so i was hesitant to use the word "love", but I don't know what other name to give these feelings. I had liked him (the ENTP) since about the 7th grade...just a little crush at the time. I continued to like him into the 9th grade with increasing feelings. By the 10th grade I was pretty much in love and had made myself sick wondering how he felt. Some events occurred that allowed him to discover my feelings. He is a very compassionate person when it comes to matters of the heart, so in the nicest way he could, he let me know that he didn't really want a serious relationship...never anything against me. He just didn't have the time and energy to devote to a romantic relationship in highschool. I came back to my senses and realized my mistake. I feared that I would lose small friendship that we had previously had, so I wrote him a note explaining that I must have been mistaken about the way I felt and that I really just wanted to get to know him better as a friend. As an INFJ I am a horrible liar, but I can almost pull it off on paper...it apparently worked this time. WEll he said he understood and we continued to have an awkward friendship, but I was just thankful that he didn't shun me =). Around this time I got to know my ENFP friend. I told her everything...including my feelings of undying love that had been in an uproar ever since I wrote the note to him. We immediately became fast friends realized the bond that we had. She(ENFP) was actually a very close friend of my object of affection(ENTP). She encouraged me in liking him and did what she could to help bring about my romantic wishes...little things like sitting next to him etc... Well apparently he remained oblivious and eventually came to be attracted to my best friend(ENFP). My friend(ENFP) and I were both devastated. She didn't like him at the time. She regarded him as a brother. She and I realized that we couldn't stand to lose the friendship that we had developed. We promised each other to do whatever we had to do to keep our friendship intact. WEll eventually she realized what a great guy he was and started to like him. She was afraid that if she kept putting off answering his questions that she would lose him forever. So I gave my blessing and said she should date him. I figured if i couldn't be happy, then she could at least be happy. I also wanted ENTP to be happy. She was opposed to my suggestion at first, saying she could never do that to me, but eventually she began to like him and they ended up dating. I was actually doing OK at first. I enjoyed seeing my friend happy. I developed a stronger friendship with ENTP and thought that I had really just wanted a close friendship relationship with him all along. I guess I sort of turned off some of my emotions...if that makes sense. I didn't want to feel the pain, so I blocked it out. I still struggled with the emotions of grief and loss, but I always managed to get over them. I just kind of "switched off" my love as much as I could. I think that may be one of my biggest mistakes. I didn't address my feelings after everything happened. I just wanted to stay friends with (ENFP). Don't misunderstand me. I still love my ENFP friend like a sister, but some feelings are starting to surface that I guess just never got a chance to earlier. I feel a little betrayed and slightly alone...now that I can't exactly tell her that I still love her boyfriend. I really would just like to stop loving him completely, but I don't know how. I am a Christian and I know that God has a plan for my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that God must be allowing my to go through this "storm" for a reason that I can not comprehend right now. I pray for strength and for guidance in dealing with my emotions and the people I love. But I don't know if I can ask God to take away love. It seems that He would place love in a heart for a good reason, not just so that it could be taken away later. So God must have a plan that's bigger than mine. I want His will to be done. This has sort of turned into a story instead of a question. I'm sorry I blew the whole question-answer format thing. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!! I don't exactly feel like pouring my heart out to my ENFP friend. It probably needs to be said, but I can't do that to her. It would end up weakening our relationship or weakening her relationship with ENTP. I don't want to break them up. I want them to be happy. Truly, I do. I guess I just want some hope or hearing from someone else that understands the complexities of type relationships. I would appreciate any advice or personal experiances from all types. THANK-YOU! -- Kat |
|
A25 Hey everyone! Thanks so much for your comments...they mean a lot!! Thank you, A20, for you post...it made me smile...and I completely agree with you about the appealing ridiculousness of perfect pairings. Although part of me would like it to be as simple as INFJ+ENTP=endless happiness, I have come to realize that love is so much more than letters  ...it's painful and ugly and beautiful and amazing all at the same time because we do have to LEARN to love THROUGH the situations we go through. God has shown me so much since my initial post. I am going off to college, so the whole "fish in the sea" is becoming more realistic every day. But more than that, I have begun to realize what I need from a relationship. I need someone that constantly points me to God. Someone who is consumed by his spirit, instead of just playing in the coals. (I'm not exactly consumed yet, but God is teaching me more everyday...) I have realized that my ENTP is not consumed. He is a wonderful Christian man-boy,(for lack of a better word- young adult seemed weird...) but he's not ready for me to look at him and say, "You are the mature Christian man that I want to be an acountability partner to me and a Christian father/teacher to my children." NOT to say that he won't ever be "consumed" ...he's just not right now. I have also realized that I am not ready for a relationship right now because from this point on, I see no point in involving myself with someone unless I am ready to get married. And with 4+ years of school, I don't want to get married any time soon... and the whole going off to college thing is helping me let go. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but my ENFP friend and I had a falling out- mostly internal. We lost the familiarity and closeness. We both did and said some pretty mean things. VERY hard for me. I felt lost and pretty much alone, but God taught me to rely on him and gave me so much strenght and peace. And recently my ENFP acquaintence (not as close as we were) got to reconnect. I am hoping to keep up the relationship and see how God uses it. I got to go to my Senior prom with a guy (ISFP) who has been through a lot. (Mom died when he was in 9th grade) He was kind of radically saved after her death. He is consumed. I am not interested in a relationship with him, but he helped me to realize what God has for me- someone who is in love with HIM first, and will then love me. Anyways...i must admit that it's still hard not to become obsessive/depressive over ENTP, but God always reminds that He is my hope just before I feel like I'm going to break. Thank you all for helping me figure things out. Hopefully this Work-in-Progress will be able to post an update in the future about her experiences and lessons learned Well time for me to go to bed. Yes, even INFJs need sleep... -- KAT (infj) |
| A26 omg my INFj friend just helps me by making remarks by "I would have been SOOOOOOOOOO MADDD!" i'm ENTp and I just don't know when it's okay for me to feel mad or very sad. And she just easily says 'oh this is why you felt that way, cuz I would've felt that way too and I never do that to anybody!' I"M THE SAME FREAKIN WAY!! deep down ENTp and INFj are very alike. INFjs know how to fulfill ENTps emotional desires (harmony and all that junk that I never had been able to validate? or express) not only by validating them, but also protecting them. God bless INFjs. -- sk8er girl |
|
|
| A27 I'm a male INFJ and I'm currently having the exact same impression than A23... It's like all other types duals make a lot of sense for me, I can see why each type would be a good match with its dual, but our INFJ dual, the ESTJ has so many aspects that are plainly incompatible! I know there are ESTJ's which can be open minded, and even romantic sometimes, but most while being "comfortable" to live with, really lack the spice and challenge INFJ's love. I myself have strong attractions towards ENFP's (INFJ mirrors) and ESxP's but all relations I had with them left me with severe scares... I love them but as predicted by socionics, J vs P clashes can be really explosive and you need both a really flexible mind and efforts to get over that. But beware of what is called the "SP" wannabe phenomena many INFJ's can experience, this may be the reason we can be "falsely" attracted towards types with non ideal relation. I agree that INFJ is compatible with ENTP but not all people like unbalanced relations (case of supervision where the INFJ will nag continously the poor ENTP...) With INJF and ENFJ there's something rotten... I tried for 6 years with one and definately, we didn't boost each others... -- random male INFJ |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
|
| Would you like to add anything? |
(When posting, we ask you to make the effort to qualify your opinions.)
|
|
