| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Question #1193029720 | Monday, 22-Oct-2007 |
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| I am an INFJ female who is interested in an ENTP male. Our current relationship is one of friendship. I am having some trouble figuring out just how close the friendship is because of the different ways he acts when we are together. I guess I should add that things are just a tad bit more complicated than that...He is actually dating my best friend who is an ENFP. My ENFP friend and I have managed to overcome the obstacles in our friendship...mostly. We have remained close and actually grown in our friendship, but I feel as though I am forced to hold back when discussions of love ensue. I am very devoted to my close friends and would never want to cause her pain, but at the same time I feel distanced from her because she does not know that i haven't been able to stop loving him. I am rather young(17), so i was hesitant to use the word "love", but I don't know what other name to give these feelings. I had liked him (the ENTP) since about the 7th grade...just a little crush at the time. I continued to like him into the 9th grade with increasing feelings. By the 10th grade I was pretty much in love and had made myself sick wondering how he felt. Some events occurred that allowed him to discover my feelings. He is a very compassionate person when it comes to matters of the heart, so in the nicest way he could, he let me know that he didn't really want a serious relationship...never anything against me. He just didn't have the time and energy to devote to a romantic relationship in highschool. I came back to my senses and realized my mistake. I feared that I would lose small friendship that we had previously had, so I wrote him a note explaining that I must have been mistaken about the way I felt and that I really just wanted to get to know him better as a friend. As an INFJ I am a horrible liar, but I can almost pull it off on paper...it apparently worked this time. WEll he said he understood and we continued to have an awkward friendship, but I was just thankful that he didn't shun me =). Around this time I got to know my ENFP friend. I told her everything...including my feelings of undying love that had been in an uproar ever since I wrote the note to him. We immediately became fast friends realized the bond that we had. She(ENFP) was actually a very close friend of my object of affection(ENTP). She encouraged me in liking him and did what she could to help bring about my romantic wishes...little things like sitting next to him etc... Well apparently he remained oblivious and eventually came to be attracted to my best friend(ENFP). My friend(ENFP) and I were both devastated. She didn't like him at the time. She regarded him as a brother. She and I realized that we couldn't stand to lose the friendship that we had developed. We promised each other to do whatever we had to do to keep our friendship intact. WEll eventually she realized what a great guy he was and started to like him. She was afraid that if she kept putting off answering his questions that she would lose him forever. So I gave my blessing and said she should date him. I figured if i couldn't be happy, then she could at least be happy. I also wanted ENTP to be happy. She was opposed to my suggestion at first, saying she could never do that to me, but eventually she began to like him and they ended up dating. I was actually doing OK at first. I enjoyed seeing my friend happy. I developed a stronger friendship with ENTP and thought that I had really just wanted a close friendship relationship with him all along. I guess I sort of turned off some of my emotions...if that makes sense. I didn't want to feel the pain, so I blocked it out. I still struggled with the emotions of grief and loss, but I always managed to get over them. I just kind of "switched off" my love as much as I could. I think that may be one of my biggest mistakes. I didn't address my feelings after everything happened. I just wanted to stay friends with (ENFP). Don't misunderstand me. I still love my ENFP friend like a sister, but some feelings are starting to surface that I guess just never got a chance to earlier. I feel a little betrayed and slightly alone...now that I can't exactly tell her that I still love her boyfriend. I really would just like to stop loving him completely, but I don't know how. I am a Christian and I know that God has a plan for my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that God must be allowing my to go through this "storm" for a reason that I can not comprehend right now. I pray for strength and for guidance in dealing with my emotions and the people I love. But I don't know if I can ask God to take away love. It seems that He would place love in a heart for a good reason, not just so that it could be taken away later. So God must have a plan that's bigger than mine. I want His will to be done. This has sort of turned into a story instead of a question. I'm sorry I blew the whole question-answer format thing. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!! I don't exactly feel like pouring my heart out to my ENFP friend. It probably needs to be said, but I can't do that to her. It would end up weakening our relationship or weakening her relationship with ENTP. I don't want to break them up. I want them to be happy. Truly, I do. I guess I just want some hope or hearing from someone else that understands the complexities of type relationships. I would appreciate any advice or personal experiances from all types. THANK-YOU! -- Kat |
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| A15 I really can relate to how you are feeling. Why does love seem to be so complicated for us "NF's", or maybe it is just because we make it so. I have been "in love" with this wonderful ENTP man for the past 7 years. There is an age difference between us (he is 15 yrs older), which seems to disappear when we are together. Nobody in the entire world makes me feel like he does. It is completely indescribable. Unfortunately, I have sabotaged us several times, never letting this feeling bloom anything beyond admiration and friendship. I start to fear what will happen if I take that road, and how will it affect my life and my family. He is so patient and understanding, and still treats me with such respect. However, he has never really seemed ready for a relationship either, and never pursued me that way. I have tried so many times to tell myself that I am over him, this won't go anywhere, I am crazy, etc. But every time our paths cross (which seems to be every 6 months), all of these uncontrollable feelings come flooding back into my heart and mind. I am afraid that I don't know how to get over this, or if I ever will. Seeing someone every couple of months is not the way to develop a true relationship, but there is this undying attraction between us that never seems to go away. I have no idea what to do. -- WhiteRose4410 |
A16 Thank you for the story about the ENTP priest...  ...i don't have time to fully update my story right now, but i plan to soon...thank you all for your comments! -- KAT |
| A17 Deng, what can I say with all these responses. Kat, I totally understand what you're going through. I too am an INFJ and have languished in love over many a guy. But your feelings are internal.I think you need to make yourself more noticeable. Smile, make ENTP see how happy you are and laugh. Make jokes and let your personality shine. But most of all, be passionate about something else (like writing) instead of ENTP. Men are attracted to women who find passion in something else. Besides, ENTP is the INFJ's natural partner (so says http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ_rel.html). I am in no way saying that you should make the moves on ENTP while he's dating your friend, but to just let yourself stand out! Some other guy is bound to notice. good luck and god bless Another INFJ -- Anonymous |
| A18 ENTp is not INFj's natural partner, INFj's Supervise ENTp's, which make ENTp's dislike us. The ideal pairing for INFj is ESTj, while the ideal pairing for ENTp is ISFp. Don't listen to MBTI sites, they're rubbish -- An INFj |
| A19 kat, there are 6 billion people in the world. you have strong feelings for one of those 6 billion.. he does not have the same feelings for you. NEXT! -- Anonymous |
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| A20 Quote: "but see KAT you must understand that trying to even distance yourself from him is hard but a neceessairy step for your own survival. it seems to me that to some exent the entp has caused you some emotional grief...after all you have been in love with him for years. that being said our entp's are just not ready to be saved. - Anonymous" I'll just say that the broad-scope interpersonal dynamics is what makes the ENTP-INFJ relationship ideal, given everyone is Honest! INFJ using theirselves as a baseline for behavior is perhaps projecting themselves a bit. What makes these types so good together is Making the Relationship Work. Everyone needs to just quit thinking there is this utopian perfect mates pairing up somewhere. What universe is that in? Not this one..and isn't it love and giving which makes it so worthwhile...to see one's love come back? Beautiful! -ENTP Anonymous (because I just saw this important feed and don't yet have an account) Thank you for listening. I think that's good vision if I don't sound cocky. -- Anonymous |
| A21 I side with A19. It's a big ocean out there... -- INFp guy |
| A22 about 7 months,i love one girl very much,but she do not undersand my feelings.i want her.i cannot live without her.plz god gave me my sweetheart. -- prashnat |
| A23 @A18. For get socionics AND MBTI. Have you read the ESTJ description? I want adventure and change. I want to challenge orthodoxy. I want to spend hours talking about crazy, abstract ideas. I'm not interested in defending the status quo. I don't think an ESTJ would be particularly interested in me or have much to offer. For better or worse, I'm super attracted to ENTPs (with ENFPs and ENFJs somewhere in second and third). They help me liven up and lighten up. I think they balance me. And they like it that I "get" all their crazy, entrepreneurial ideas and am always up for following them on an adventure. So go ENTPs!! But I think flirting with your friend's boyfriend is messy. There are plenty of ENTP fish in the sea! -- an INFJ who hearts ENTPs |
| A24 Hmm, if he doesn't love you back, he doesn't love you back, and it's not meant to be, but know that you are worthy, and there's someone out there for you. You're still young, there's plenty of time for relationships. To take your mind off the grief, keep busy! A busy mind doesn't have time to brood and feel sad. -- S |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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