| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
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Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
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Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Question #1193029720 | Monday, 22-Oct-2007 |
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| I am an INFJ female who is interested in an ENTP male. Our current relationship is one of friendship. I am having some trouble figuring out just how close the friendship is because of the different ways he acts when we are together. I guess I should add that things are just a tad bit more complicated than that...He is actually dating my best friend who is an ENFP. My ENFP friend and I have managed to overcome the obstacles in our friendship...mostly. We have remained close and actually grown in our friendship, but I feel as though I am forced to hold back when discussions of love ensue. I am very devoted to my close friends and would never want to cause her pain, but at the same time I feel distanced from her because she does not know that i haven't been able to stop loving him. I am rather young(17), so i was hesitant to use the word "love", but I don't know what other name to give these feelings. I had liked him (the ENTP) since about the 7th grade...just a little crush at the time. I continued to like him into the 9th grade with increasing feelings. By the 10th grade I was pretty much in love and had made myself sick wondering how he felt. Some events occurred that allowed him to discover my feelings. He is a very compassionate person when it comes to matters of the heart, so in the nicest way he could, he let me know that he didn't really want a serious relationship...never anything against me. He just didn't have the time and energy to devote to a romantic relationship in highschool. I came back to my senses and realized my mistake. I feared that I would lose small friendship that we had previously had, so I wrote him a note explaining that I must have been mistaken about the way I felt and that I really just wanted to get to know him better as a friend. As an INFJ I am a horrible liar, but I can almost pull it off on paper...it apparently worked this time. WEll he said he understood and we continued to have an awkward friendship, but I was just thankful that he didn't shun me =). Around this time I got to know my ENFP friend. I told her everything...including my feelings of undying love that had been in an uproar ever since I wrote the note to him. We immediately became fast friends realized the bond that we had. She(ENFP) was actually a very close friend of my object of affection(ENTP). She encouraged me in liking him and did what she could to help bring about my romantic wishes...little things like sitting next to him etc... Well apparently he remained oblivious and eventually came to be attracted to my best friend(ENFP). My friend(ENFP) and I were both devastated. She didn't like him at the time. She regarded him as a brother. She and I realized that we couldn't stand to lose the friendship that we had developed. We promised each other to do whatever we had to do to keep our friendship intact. WEll eventually she realized what a great guy he was and started to like him. She was afraid that if she kept putting off answering his questions that she would lose him forever. So I gave my blessing and said she should date him. I figured if i couldn't be happy, then she could at least be happy. I also wanted ENTP to be happy. She was opposed to my suggestion at first, saying she could never do that to me, but eventually she began to like him and they ended up dating. I was actually doing OK at first. I enjoyed seeing my friend happy. I developed a stronger friendship with ENTP and thought that I had really just wanted a close friendship relationship with him all along. I guess I sort of turned off some of my emotions...if that makes sense. I didn't want to feel the pain, so I blocked it out. I still struggled with the emotions of grief and loss, but I always managed to get over them. I just kind of "switched off" my love as much as I could. I think that may be one of my biggest mistakes. I didn't address my feelings after everything happened. I just wanted to stay friends with (ENFP). Don't misunderstand me. I still love my ENFP friend like a sister, but some feelings are starting to surface that I guess just never got a chance to earlier. I feel a little betrayed and slightly alone...now that I can't exactly tell her that I still love her boyfriend. I really would just like to stop loving him completely, but I don't know how. I am a Christian and I know that God has a plan for my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that God must be allowing my to go through this "storm" for a reason that I can not comprehend right now. I pray for strength and for guidance in dealing with my emotions and the people I love. But I don't know if I can ask God to take away love. It seems that He would place love in a heart for a good reason, not just so that it could be taken away later. So God must have a plan that's bigger than mine. I want His will to be done. This has sort of turned into a story instead of a question. I'm sorry I blew the whole question-answer format thing. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!! I don't exactly feel like pouring my heart out to my ENFP friend. It probably needs to be said, but I can't do that to her. It would end up weakening our relationship or weakening her relationship with ENTP. I don't want to break them up. I want them to be happy. Truly, I do. I guess I just want some hope or hearing from someone else that understands the complexities of type relationships. I would appreciate any advice or personal experiances from all types. THANK-YOU! -- Kat |
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| A11 Hey, Kat. I'm likewise a young INFj female, likewise in love with an ENTp male, and likewise frusterated by his behavior and our situation. However, I want you to understand that we are the captains of our fate,and the masters of our soul. You know your heart, you know your descision, why are you asking us? I have choosen to stay with my ENTp until he gets a mate or dies. Your descision is strictly yours, and our advice will do you no good. I wish you the best, and hope you know that you can never fail...not with our amount of passion. -- INFj |
| A12 I appreciate your advice A8. I can relate...i have definately been holding on longer than i should have. I guess the whole distance thing is complicated because i have sort of been taken into his close group of friends because of my close friendship with his girlfriend(ENFP)...so I have grown to admire his friends and have gotten close to them also...we both go to the same school and church...and we occasionaly get together with his friends for mivie nights etc. I may politely refuse movie nights in the future, however. I almost burst into tears at the last one...i ended up watching he and my friend hold hands rather than following the movie... yikes... but i know i am not where i need to be with God right now...I have been putting off giving him control I guess because I am worried about how I will be without someone to love...or in a more general sense...if I will ever continue the whole NF quest for love thing...I guess I just have a sort of apathetic attitude towards love if I can't have him right now...but I want that passion...and I know God has a plan...but distance is difficult...it would be much easier if i could take an extended vacation to a foreign country...but darn it, i just don't think i could go without seeing him...or my best friend...but i know that God is using this to test me...and when i come out of this, i am going to be so much stronger in my faith...thank you all for your advice. If anyone has any tips for convincing parents of the benefits that moving to Ireland would present...please do let me know =) -- Anonymous |
A13 Oh this may not even be relevant anymore but Kat, I have a personal experience to relate. I have been in love with an ENTP male for 4 years but he was unfortunately unavailable, seriously committed. He's a Catholic priest!! An adorable, unconventional, quirky, charming, disarming Entp that I as an INFJ am particularly susceptible to  Well after 4 years of playing games with him, and dying for attention from him, he finally understoof how I felt ( we have never spoken about this, of course), but his answer indirectly and yet clearly was NO. I respected that though I was hugely disappointed. I knew I could never go against God so I quit fooling myself and made a quality decison to stay away and believe me that was a huge sacrifice, because I was dying for closure with him. I don't try to contact him in any way even though it was almost unbearable to go around where he is. It seemed like I had made a huge fool of myself and it felt that I was insignificant to him ,meant nothing to him etc. (I'm Enneagram type 4 w 5) I wanted to be irresistible to him He was enormously attracted to me for 2 and a half years and i never wanted him to get over me. Anyway, to make a long story short, I realized that this situation i had made was God's way of curing me of my tendency to try to get my personal significance from people which was leaving me inauthentic and split inside. So I made a quality decision to give him up over some pretty painful weeks (it felt like an emotional crucifixion) But I feel free now, i know he's free and has been healed of some of his emotional hang ups too. God's way really is best. IN your case, Entp isn't a priest but he's already said no. Maybe you shouldn't hang around with them so often. Get some other friends and look around for another entp I really admire your friendship with ENFP and your unselfishness, btw. Take care of yourself. -- moody |
| A14 Hey, A7! I'm with you! ENTPs can by tempting, but eventually its tiring, trying to keep them from getting distracted. ENTPs seem to have a hard time settling down. My husband is also an INTP, which I now consider to be the jewel in the rough. INTPs deserve all consideration. Our marriage feels stable and I find it is a nice balance, because we're both independent and like to spend time doing our own activities, yet we like to be around each other. -- INFJ woman |
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