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Question #1140957862Sunday, 26-Feb-2006
Category: ENTp INTp Marriage Relationship Advice
I am an ENTP wife married to an INTP husband. I feel like I can not get anywhere with him. When I try and talk to him about problems that are currently effecting our lives he looks at it as a personal attack on himself and tries to place blame else where. We have been together 5 years, and 4 of those years he has been totally unemployed and being supported by me or his parents. I love my husband and I want to stay with him but I feel like I don't get anywhere with him. When I try and talk about our problems he gets so angry and says something like "I am just a failure, that's what you taught me". I just don't get how he can sit there and watch me work 16 hour days and not even want to clean up the house. I don't understand how he doesn't feel motivated or guilty by how hard I work just to take care of him. I have tried pretty much every way of approaching him. Being nice and sweet, asking him questions, leaving him alone, and rewarding good behavior, even yelling at him and nothing works. I have sent him to therapy multiple times and I know he is depressed but he won't talk to therapists either... every time he gets on medication he will take it for 2 days and then just drop the treatment. He spends most of his time staring at the walls. He doesn't have any friends (because he doesn't like to talk much), and no extra curricular activities besides collecting comic books. The only think I have ever seen him really succeed at is college and since he doesn't use the degree that he already has I am afraid to go into debt to send him back for a second degree. When I bring up the fact that he doesn't have a job and ask him to look for work he says "You think I like it?" but he refuses to do anything about it. Or he will say he is looking for work and just do nothing. I am at my wits end here... I am having a huge communication problem. Being an extrovert I feel really lonely and alone. Every time I bring up something like the news, or just some general bull**** he will go "why is that important" or "so?...". He also leaves out major things that happen to him daily because he doesn't feel the need to tell me, and doesn't understand why I would want to know. It is really frustrating; he lives inside of his head and I never know what he is thinking. Any advice would be very much appreciated. -- Aderly
Your Answers: 1+ 4+ 8+ 15+ 24+ 33+
A33 @A31: "Well, what type do you think would most likely be abusive?" The more physical and/or passionate types. There's even in the type descriptions, that some of the types can react physcially when things don't go their way. You sound lot more like a feeler. Everyone can distance from their emotions, not just thinkers. -- A22
A34 Relationships are so tough to work - maybe the istp approach have it right after all ! -- Cyclops
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A35 iAnnAu you are not like any INFP I've ever met. Are you sure you aren't a INTP mistyped due to your sex? INTP have very strong emotions; thinking just comes first. Extroverted Intuition; can almost look like feeling from a sensing perspective. -- Anonymous
A36 I agree with A25. I'm ENTp and excuses don't move me, only results do. -- Anonymous
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