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Question #1239143630Tuesday, 7-Apr-2009
Category: ESTp
What are ESTps like in your opinion? How do interactions with them go? Problems? Why are they annoying? Why are they not annoying? ect... -- ESTp
Your Answers: 1+ 10+ 21+
A1 Well, I am an ENFj who has Activity Relations with an ESTp, and I have to say the interactions I have with them are always pleasant. My uncle's an ESTp and I almost always see eye-to-eye with what his opinions are. I love his clear-cut logic about people, as my own understanding of people is very complex and difficult to sum up like he can. ESTps don't fret the small stuff and just focus on their objective. That, I would have to say, is their best quality (along with the strength of their willpower). -- ENFj
A2 ESTp's are cool and fun to be with, and don't find my irrisponsibility or weirdness annoying, which is nice, lol. ESTp women sometimes talk to much, though -- Simon the INFp
A3 I'm narcissistic. What i want comes first. I don't mind lying or cheating to get what i want and it doesn't matter who i hurt to get it. At the same time i can be very nice, but it's more of a "Catch more flies with honey" Sorta thing. I am extremely loyal to my friends, i would do a lot for them. In contradiction to that i don't feel overly attached to my friends because I'm so cool that if i left them for new horizons or they left me it doesn't matter because I'll make more. There are always new and more exciting people around the corner. I love taking risks and doing things. I do thing all the time just because i want to. And i consider feelings weak and inadequate. Because of this if any one tries to manipulate me emotionally they will fail horribly. 1) because though i have feelings i can easily ignore them. 2) i wont be influenced in a negative way by weakness. 3) i can easily reason my way out of feeling bad if some one is trying to guilt trip me. People like me for the most part. If they don't that's their problem for the fault is in them not me. -- Anonymous
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A4 They seem fake to me. -- Anonymous
A5 To A3, first of all, i admire your upfront honesty and your conciseness. You say it doesn't matter if you leave your friends or they leave you, because you can always make more....but what about long-term relationships - really solid friendships that are unbreakable because they're built on trust accumulated through mutual experience and time - ppl you know you can trust and confide in and who will be there to help you if ever you can't help yourself, and who will just be there for you if you want it. Personally, those sorts of relationships, those deep human bonds, are something to live for and work for, something that makes life more worthwhile for all parties involved. Do ESTp's belittle these sorts of relationships (b/c to accept these sorts of rships would be to accept that one is weak and in need of support in certain areas), or are they simply unaware of their possibility and existence? Is it too hard for ESTp's to step out of their 'i must be thick-skinned' mindset and realize that feelings aren't necessarily a source of weakness and inadequacy, but a source of value, appreciation of others, and moral resolve? Btw, i'm not trying to 'guilt trip' you. ok, maybe just a tiny little...only a LITTLE! mostly tho, i just want your honest, rational feedback on these questions. They're also there to point out what is disturbing (as opposed to 'annoying') about the ESTp, and the problems that I encounter in interactions with them - they can treat ppl as disposable, thereby removing any potential for developing something more 'meaningful'. What the ESTp sees as 'overly attached', others see as 'healthily attached'. Do ESTp's ever feel at least a tiny urge to develop these sorts of r'ships? Or do you guys immediately try to suppress these urges the moment you catch yourself feeling them? If so why? See, to me, that isn't strength, that's self-denial... -- Shez
A6 Hm... I know a couple of ESTp's. One of them (a girl) I think is a lot of fun to be around because she's wild and crazy and really hilarious. Funny thing is, both the ESTp's I know seem quiet at first like they're observing you or something, they keep a watchful eye during first contact to see how people behave. But then they become a lot more.. open and 'out there' afterwards. The second ESTp I know is a guy, and he seems a bit overpowering at times, though sometimes he also is absolutely hysterical. Often he will throw out something for the shock effect, which sometimes is way too personal and assertive for my taste and so I get upset... Perhaps I feel that integrity is being violated by some of what he says. I had to explain to him several times that I could not really be his friend if he was going to behave that way, and at first he was like, "you suck" but eventually he started to get nicer and I started getting to know him better. After getting to know him better I see that he is very logical, and I find it interesting to see him think about stuff and form opinions. He can still sometimes be a little pushy and often won't take "no" for an answer. Well, that's just my two cents. -- NF something or other
A7 A5, I don't belittle those sorts of relationships, but they are rather hard for me to maintain. I've actually always wanted a friendship like that a sorta "Robin Hood and Little John" or "Three Muskateers" thing. I tend to get bored with people when i spend too much time with them (Like every waking moment for 4-5 days or on and off for a weekish) but then again practically all my friends are ENFp's for some odd reason. I've never really thought of the fact that in order to obtain a relationship like that i would need to admit that I'm week, And I'm not weak. However my incesant logicial mind can get in the way sometimes blocking out feelings i would actually like to experience. But i only wanted to experience them at the time and it's kind of good i didn't because the relationship I'm refering to did recently end. The only time i feel a urge to develop a stronger relationship is when i first meet some one, after that when I'm romantically involved it's more of a "How can i make this person feel more strongly for me" as opposed to "How can i make the relationship stronger" and when it comes to friendships you hang out and do stuff and you have a relationship i really don't understand how it can get better than that. Also i tend to be very manipulative and i belive that complete control of one's self means complete control of others. And I'm ok with that. Also i really don't feel the need to open up beyond a certain point in relationships. Theres certain things that i've been forced to share with people but in my oppinion, my deepest darkest secet isn't really that important that all my "best friends" know, however most do because i use my secret to get theirs... But again most of my "Best Friend" interactions are with ENFp's, whom can be somewhat annoying because of their weird emotional rollercoaster-ness but i'm good at cheering people up and they are very nice to me nonetheless. Also i've toyed with the idea that I could be a Introvert, It seems to be a very small possibilty because i often get headaches when I'm alone and feel 'under the weather' but when I'm with people i don't really even notice anything that is bothering me as far as that goes. So i guess you might want to take what i say with a grain of salt just in case i am indeed an ISTp. -- -A3 poster
A8 You're right, you don't have to admit weakness to have a strong relationship...that was some sort of screwed up logic on my part. I think i meant that stubbornly admitting one has no weaknesses can prevent others from relating and connecting to one. RE.FRIENDSHIP/ROMANCE: saying and doing whatever seems best for a friend/romantic interest might be a better approach than doing whatever makes them 'feel more strongly' towards you. but then a good friend/partner will recognize and acknowledge the good intent behind such actions. Also, you shouldn't feel forced to reveal personal details that you're uncomfortable about revealing...a true friend wouldn't force you to do that anyways, unless they thought the matter was life threatening, eg. in the case of suicidal thoughts or something like that. you make it sound like some sort of mind game... as when you said, 'i belive [sic] that complete control of one's self means complete control of others' - you do realize how unhealthy that sounds?! a person can have control over a lot of ppl, but very little self-control, or contentment for that matter...that sentiment seems rather ESTp btw. ISTp's, as far as i know, have no desire to control or be controlled. plus, they tend to be antisocial. Switch the notion of 'control' with 'guidance' of others...and that might be a better recipe for building close, loyal relationships...not saying we should all be mentors or martyrs 24/7...more like an autonomy-supporter of someone you care about - try help them help themselves rather than just...'control' them....For me, really close friendships are more than about having fun and hanging out together (tho that is very important). they're also about looking out for the best interests of the other person, relating to each other, commiserating with each other, building a sense of 'family' or 'kin', and an emotional safety net...and they're not always fun and games...sometimes you may have to say harsh things to the other person b/c it's what they NEED to hear rather than what they WANT to hear, stuff like that...tough love. there's bound to be friction at some pt...it comes with close psychological distance... As for your getting bored of ppl, maybe an effective way to deal with that is to simply limit the time you spend with them. As for blocking out feelings, that's something quite a few Thinking types seem to have difficulty with. Maybe a solution would be to seek to UNDERSTAND your feelings (why you feel a certain way about someone, what you might like to develop over time with them, etc) w/o necessarily experiencing/feeling those emotions consciously and acutely for any prolonged amount of time. That way you can still use your naturally good logical abilities. -- Shez
A9 For the person in A5, HA! Deep relationships? You don't seem to understand the ESTP mindset. 'Deep' infers emotionality, 'bonds' infers attachment, two factors which are deemed irrelevant by us. Relationships are interesting, but I'm not gonna cry about it if it ends, I look for new pastures and new opportunities. A5 you seem to be taken for a ride by your emotional needs and your fellow man. I am unable to continue as I do not want to seem overly antagonistic towards you. Thank you for being curious about us. -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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