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| Question #1234382731 | Wednesday, 11-Feb-2009 |
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| As a teenage INTj, I'm having trouble conceptualizing my life, frankly put. Over the past few weeks I've spent a great deal of time thinking about who I am and the individual factors that comprise my life and their effect on my real future and my ideal future. Not long ago I took my first MBTI test and tested INTJ. I took the Socionics test and also tested INTj in all fields. After researching (for that's what we do, amirite?) what exactly these four letters meant for me, I was completely dumbfounded by these web pages I found that told me exactly how I've been thinking for the past 17 years. It seems to me that being an INTj is both a blessing and a curse in some ways. On one side, I've been gifted with a wonderful mind and the ability to turn conception into reality using the skills I'm sure many of you are familiar with. On the other there is what I've lovingly dubbed the "social disability package" that comes along with it. Suddenly after understanding what I was, a great many things that I do and have done in the past became meaningful to me. After realizing the unique traits of my type I finally had an explanation for my lack of connection with other people in a social situation. Long before I had taken any tests I had begun to make a psychological profile of myself, trying to figure out what made me different from the other 98%. I pondered what made me seize up when talking to people, or what caused my mind to draw blanks when expected to add something meaningful to a conversation. Due mostly in part to my current situation as a student, I put a lot of thought into furthering myself socially beyond the "couple of good friends" systems that many INTjs tend to have. It wasn't until I tested that I had an explanation (in part) for what I had been experiencing my entire life. Which brings me to the present. I now find myself entertaining the thought of circumventing my own personality's shortcomings. I want to be able to be LIKE an extrovert in terms of social skills, but still want to keep the unique properties that make me the introverted thinker I am today. I want to be able to create a relationship with someone rather than waiting for someone that fits my exact criteria or happens to be a compatible type. I've thought a lot about what makes me different from other people. Outwardly, I'm not so different. I'd like to be the 4.5GPA aspiring engineer that I'd always envisioned myself as becoming, but the stark reality is that I give the appearance of a not-so-special kid who takes a few honors classes. Outwardly, I'm nothing special. What I feel distinguishes me are my unique thoughts and system of thinking. The problem then, as I see it, is that INTjs are truly cursed, to be given this bubbling cauldron of ideas but a small means to express them socially, at least in situations similar to mine. Many INTjs inwardly seek recognition for their ideas, but don't do so under normal conditions. In my situation, I appear as an average above average student (if that makes any sense...) that doesn't talk to many people and is a bit awkward. So how is it then, that I use what I already have (my ideas and reasoning) to gain social status or forge a relationship? How do/did the other INTjs do it as a kid? Give some advice to somebody who is confused by this paradox. -- Firebert010 |
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A1 the limited momemts of life...a near relation of your can have .intp.(and these are your nears   , ,   ) is in 'full free flow'. listen to the metaphor in that (otherwise if we want to be as banal as our ES Beta/Delta Quardra society... we will say 'strategy' and indeed this is right as we dull down after this meta-oric phase which u now exerience-albiet with the same desires and continuity of type-minus the system-). Down to the bottom rocks. my religious base is in christianity...but there are some of the ES's that ascribe this as the INTP place... talking of there 'dead/mature' INTP pastors. i have a successful INTJ cousin in the muslim faith. i am not there yet.. but still i'd guess at it at regulating your weak functions while keeping your desires fixed -- likeSeepingWater |
| A2 Do not try to be what you're not because you will not be able to hold the pose for long. I found that learning facts in school was not that hard but I lacked motivation to participate in what I told myself was pointless competition. Deep down, I resented and feared being judged by teachers and peers. When I reached my mid-twenties that fear went away when I found that I was exceptional at solving problems that everyone else found difficult; this gave me confidence and motivation. The INTj needs goals (social ones as well) and needs to fully understand the situation before embarking on their pursuit. Study well because spontaneity is not a strong point. I would advise you to listen to your intuition; I have sometimes gotten into difficulty when I ignored it and pursued only the facts. -- Anonymous |
| A3 You're only cursed if you view a "bubbling cauldron of ideas" as being less valuable than being able to express things socially. That is to say, your strife stems from the fact that you see extraversion and sociability as more desirable than the intelligence you have. Who says that such an assumption is any good for you? Or valid? Can it not be the case where people would trade their social ability for intellectual prowress? It's all a matter of perspective bud! From one INTj to another; forget trying to make yourself something that you're not. You have brilliant skills which others can't even begin to comprehend (whether people recognize it or not is irrelevant, because it's still there), and the trade-off for such is removal from the norm. Such are the cards that life deals to you. It isn't any more simple or complicated than that; it's just the way it is. Accept that, and you'll find what you need. -- Anonymous |
| A4 A3: Brilliant explanation of a concept that is sorely lacking in this day and age! -- INFp guy |
| A5 INTj teenage girl. Obviously, you realize by now that your INTj status is a wonderful gift. Being an average above average student- well, I was that for a while, mainly because I was quite lazy. For example, I could do quite well in school without studying very much, so a few students who were less intelligent than me, actually did better than me overall. For well, my school got a new career counsellor, and apparently, while going through students' records, she noticed the, um, disparity, between my IQ score and my academic performance. Of course, genuinely concerned, she found out who exactly I was, and we had a nice chat, and actually became friends. Happy to say I graduated as the best student in my year. I think a common problem we INTjs have is low self-esteem. When you begin to focus on and develop your talents, a lot of things will fall into place for you. Just focus on being the best you can possibly be, and realize that you still have quite some time left to grow as a person. With time, you will probably attract more like-minded people, and learn to get along with others(e.g. I actually get along with some EFs, for limited periods of time though). Hope you find this useful. -- e.u. |
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| A6 As a teenage female INTj myself, the best thing I can say is to stop associating the social aspect of life with happiness; when I put more effort into simply having fun (by myself or with my small designated circle of friends) and enjoying life my social "scene" grew drastically. I think it's because I was less nervous about socializing since it wasn't a "goal," which took the edge off and let me be myself around other people. -- Anonymous |
| A7 A6: Well said!! -- Anonymous |
| A8 i'm an INFP and have special relationship with INTJs. My mom, grandpa, husband, and a close friend are INTJs. I would agree with the others that it is SO IMPORTANT to be yourself. I also agree with the comment that INTJs struggle with self-esteem issues. The truth is, I don't think INTJs realize how popular they actually are. Their calm, elegant, intelligent demeanor makes people look up to them. INTJs can actually be quite charming. I think some people are intimidated by them. I've seen insecure INTJs who 'try' to be something they are not end up with bad relationships. An INTJ friend ended up having affairs, and making poor relationship decisions because she wanted to be more 'spontaneous'. My grandpa ended up having an affair/divorce because he a flirty ESFP took advantage of his low self-esteem. On the flip-side of that, my mom, and husband are extremely respected and have many close relationships. They embrace who they are and are very popular and admired by their friends, just for being themselves! Stick to your guns, and don't focus too much on what you perceive to be 'weaknesses' because it may make you more insecure. Seek out other Intuitives, and ignore SJs who make you feel like you're not 'normal'. -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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