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| Question #1191877812 | Monday, 8-Oct-2007 |
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| I am ISTp .. How do I stop running away when people want to get to know me too personally. This applies to partners, family and work collegues, who all develop perspect for me, then want to get to know me deeper then I mess things up intentionally to keep distance. Any ISTp out there with similar issue? Any advice esp. from my dual would be useful -- Cyclops |
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| A18 The answer is simple, to me. I read a fantastic article (quite some time ago) on ISTP's. One thing in that article that really stuck with me and has been very uplifting to me ever since was an observation made by the author: ISTP's more than any other personality type, have an unusual problem in that they usually have quite a bit of valuable information and truthful/insightful observations rolling around in their heads about all sorts of subjects. Religion, politics, relationships etc. The problem is WE TEND TO NEVER OPEN OUR MOUTHS! The article further stated that if we would just learn to express (through feelings - YUCK) our observations and opinions we would be surprised at the type of receptions and appreciations we would get from others. Long story short - do what A17 says - take your weaknesses and work on them. -- Anonymous |
| A19 Well, to start off, I'm your dual. That way you understand my perspective better. I suppose... in those times where you're having trouble letting them close to you, while you're attempting to work out that fear, just let them know you care. Constantly let them no you care. Because I'm with an ISTp, and when they're distant, all I'm wondering is if they still care about me. Do this in a way that isn't too hard for you, and is genuine. Physical contact when you do see them is good, like hugging and touching...holding hands. That says a lot without words. And then eye contact says a lot. It will tell them that you care, when you don't know what to say. It may even tell them what you're afraid to reveal. I'm just trying to tell you what I would appreciate from my love interest... an ISTp. -- Anonymous |
A20 I am an ENFP. It was interesting to read last night an article on ISTPs that I had never read before (have read a lot about ISTPs). It was exactly what I was looking for. It gave a detailed description of an ISTP and ENFP relationship. It was from socioniko.net. It said something to the effect that really...only ENFP has the ability to make the ISTP trust them. Lol! I think this is SO funny because I am an ENFP guy and I have this ISTP friend who I have interest in and she...has pulled away...because she wants time to explore her life...lol...I love her.  Anyway...the REAL point i'm trying to make here was that it was interesting to hear just HOW an ENFP was able to truly make an ISTP trust them. The article said that ENFP conveyed that they truly UNDERSTOOD them and truly CARED about them could be trusted through the eyes and voice intonation. Lol! Oh my goodness! I was laughing SO hard at this because...lol....my ISTP friend lives so far away from me...and I have always had the sneaking suspicion that if we just were able to spend some time together in eachothers direct presence that it would "just happen". I guess I felt that was exactly it! I felt that if she just SAW the way that I feel about her and how much I cared that...i could sense in her personality that she would be able to pick up on that and it would be exactly what she wanted and needed. It also pointed out that ENFPs have this ability and drive to see the natural good qualities and talents of people and can't resist pointing it out to people. It said that this works very well for ISTPs because they generally don't like to open up and show their true selves to people so they value someone who can see it and know it without them having to reveal it directly. ISTPS can sense that ENFPs really see them for all the potential and talent and good qualities that they possess...and again this is conveyed by the ENFP through the eyes and voice intonation. Maybe this is really what ISTPs SHOULD be looking for? It seems right to me. It makes sense to me. -- ENFP |
| A21 I am the same way, but I don't blame you. When I have let my guard down in times past, I've experienced some unbelievable hurts. So anymore, someone probably has to damn near be a saint before I'd give them a chance - and not in the social show-off sort of way. Don't give up on your instincts, but try seeing what opportunities there are, perhaps, of meeting folks with interests like yours, where you can slowly develop your relations over time as you get to know them over a few years. Make sure they accept you for who you are, rather than trying to reform you or your interests, no matter how good natured the intentions might even be. That's a red alert for us. IME, it turns out worst for the istp, rather than reinforcing what's best and our source of personal expertise, confidence and ability. -- istp |
| A22 Thank you so much for your advice A21 (I wrote A20). You made some interesting points. This girl too has been hurt in the past and she told me it was hard for her to trust again as one of the reasons she wasn't ready to date me. You said something about getting to know her over a FEW (3?) years. That seems to be a recurring theme for this duality...it takes a LOONG time to develop...i guess for a number of reasons. It might take the ENFP a longer time to mature and to work on his weaknesses...and on the other side...it may take a long time for the ISTP to get to know and trust and open up to the ENFP. lol. u know what's funny? that's EXACTLY what I have thought needed to happen from the beginning. When I asked her out...i was going against my instincts...i thought I needed to ask her...before someone else snatched her away...but if did things according to my instincts to begin with I would have been her friend for a few years first to give myself time to do work on what I need and give her time to experience life and do what she wants. I know she wants to do all kinds of things. so do I. you also mentioned having the same interests. We totally do. We want the same things in life and the same things/values/beleifs. We are also working towards the same goals. So your advice gave me more confidence to just continue being her friend and expect that, if its gonna happen...it'll probably just take a while. I can be content with that. were both commited to self-improvement in our own ways. Time will just give us a chance to become better people too. You know what I was thinking why ISTP and ENFP compliment eachother so well despite the fact that they are both Ps? Although both being P it would seem they have the same weaknesses. P generally don't like routine, to be confined, or stuck somewhere or on one things. but P is also what makes us want the same LIFESTYLE! a J would drive a P nuts in a relationship and vice versa. This girl first and foremost wants to be free to do whatver opportunity comes her way. so do I. -- ENFP |
| A23 Saint? Really? Is this coming from the type of people who like to bring hesitant, vulnerable people who care about other people's feelings (or as these folks would say "people pleasers") to bed for cheap thrill of physical satisfaction and the challenge? And leave them hanging on emotional strings and beat them up emotionally for wanting something from them or for some Stupid and Nonsensical reason that they can over-justify to only themselves oh so well? Or the type that is so shallow that they ONLY go for the physically highly attractive mates? Or the ones that just love to use people like objects for their own benefit and convenience by hook or crook? This is a Very nice hypocrisy from the very pigs who just want sex and money until they find their "Saints" who will wait till eternity for them. In abstinence ofcourse. Oooh I forgot the cherry - Not to mention that the very types that expect to get what they want RIGHT when they want it from these "Saints" and also expect them to sympathize with their problems while they wouldn't do jack $h!t for the near "saints" and patronize when someone else is going through problems. It's "There are bigger problems in the world than yours" when it comes to other people and when given the same treatment it becomes "You broke my heart and hurt me so bad, I will never trust you again." Hail to these hypocrites whose hypersensitive red alerts and flags set off for unreasonable reasons and try to train their near "saints" to adjust accordingly instead of fixing their damn red alert systems to differentiate between real and false alarms. -- A22 (Severely Scorned. so suck it) |
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| A24 Uhh person who wrote A23 is not the same as A22. Sorry about the error. -- Anonymous |
| A25 Hmmm, i think A23 makes some good points - about how the ISTp needs to learn to change their ways and not always expect others to adapt to them. And i think the original poster is a good example of that - an ISTp who is ready to change some of his unhealthy relationship behaviour. But i think A23, you should realise that ISTp's just aren't all that good at differentiating between 'real and false alarms'. It's not like they're hypersensitive on purpose. i think a lot of them wouldn't be so hypersensitive if they could help it. but yeah, i do agree with you on the hypocritical elements in the ISTp's relationship behaviour. I don't think they do it on purpose though; i think they're mostly unaware of it, not being able to see the bigger picture and the broader patterns in their behaviour... And ISTp's will go great distances for those they love; but they'll do pretty much nothing for those they don't love, so it seems. As for the tendency to only go for highly physically attractive mates, that doesn't necessarily mean one is shallow. to treat someone with disdain based on their less-than-average looks would be shallow (and ISTp's don't seem to do that from what i've seen). ISTp's have a keen sense of aesthetics. it's not morally wrong to have a keen sense of aesthetics. if you aren't attracted to some1 physically, even if they are a great person, you shouldn't 'force' yourself to pursue them romantically. that being said, it can be unfortunate for those who did not win the genetic lottery of goodlooks, who find themselves besotted with an ISTp. best to look elsewhere in that case... -- Shez |
| A26 If only they gave a $h!t A25. -- Anonymous |
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