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| Question #1135786945 | Wednesday, 28-Dec-2005 |
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| I have discovered personality typing only recently, but it fascinates me and I've read a lot of different sources of information over the past few months. Most tests I've taken come up with ENFP as result, and I'm quite convinced that's my type. Now some of the things I've read on socionics are really puzzling, especially as to what relationships are concerned. Before I visited this site, I read in various sources that either an INFJ or an INTJ (INFP or INTP by socionics terms if I understand correctly) would make an ideal match. From past experience I find relationships with both of these types rewarding, and even the idea of an ideal match could make sense, especially with INFJ. Worst possible match with ENFP as I read before is ISFJ or ISTJ (ISFP or ISTP here). Strangely enough at socionics my dual is said to be ISTP (which would probably be ISTJ by MB standards). ENFP-INFP is called contrary and ENFP-INTP illusionary! I can't say the negatives summed up are unrecognizable, but I'm naturally attracted to INFP or INTP women and honestly don't feel ENFP-INFP or ENFP-INTP make such a bad match at all. I've never been in a love relationship with an ISTP before but have been with several ESxx and there communication was always a problem. Communication with an ISTP partner could even be worse, would be my first guess... I've also read before that types with a dominant information gathering function best pair up with someone who prefers the same function, but uses it in a different way (introverted instead of extraverted, or vice versa). Personally I feel much more for that idea. Perhaps I am missing vital pieces of the puzzle here, or maybe I have misunderstood the concept of dual relationships, but I certainly am puzzled by what I read here. Any feedback is welcome. -- voot |
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| A17 Oh my, all you chicks are all fighting over me haha ! But seriously yes I would say that ISTp are/or can be very spiritual. I have always been a deep thinker (as said paul simon song I mentioned in another thread goes: Maybe I think too much, some people say so, other people say no no-the fact is you don't think as you could! Mmm!) However I can also be quite playful (as I am for some bizarre reason in a playful mood at the mo) Infact I can oft change my standpoint, and my lifesystem from serious intellectual, to flippant funster to deeply involved in competitive sports dude to general larking around drinking and stuff that I myself don't even know what to expect of me!! Although I've never dated an ENFp, from what I read here and on other postings, i'm coming to think that this particular type with its flexible approach and correctly considerate outspokeness, and dare I use to say love which I think looks constant, even tho the situation and what i'm doing would etc could change [usually always in a fun spontaneous way] (so many types can't understand why or how I can randomly move in and out of different life phases which can be frustrating for me but I can't see that occuring with ENFp's) Also as their is ENFj postings here I thought I would note that something i've been observing here and from ENFj's on this site is that which appears to be their dismissive nature of people- by that I mean that I don't think they give folk enough of a chance, and if they do, it appears they try to mock the individual if that person does not fit into their enforced view of a correct person or lifestyle. I try to give everyone a chance and try as much as I can, and also to live and let live-I could see this as a conflict between the ENFj's, ENFp's and ISTp's here and out there. -- Cyclops (ISTp) |
| A18 I am a enfp and my boyfriend of three years an istp. Our realationship is very Rocky, we fight constantly. When we first got together we were very infatuated with each other, now the longer we are together the less respect, admiration etc. He is very narcissistic, (what I believe) and my personality has become almost an I since being with him. Has anyone else experianced this? -- Anonymous |
| A19 @A18 - that sounds a lot like some friends of mine, who were also ENFp and ISTp. I don't know the details, but it was not smooth sailing. They genuinely cared for each other, but they somehow couldn't make it work. However, they're still good friends now, afterward. Unfortunately, I don't know much more than you about the psychological reasons for why that happened. -- Krig (INTj) |
| A20 ENFP + INTJ INFP + ENTJ ISFP + ESTJ ESFP + ISTJ ESTP + ISFJ ISTP + ESFJ INTP + ENFJ ENTP + INFJ proven and tested in the real world... of course there's the astrological aspect to address as well, i've also found the chinese astrology to also be useful to take into consideration when considering something long term -- by an ISTP who does this matching stuff for a living |
A21 @A15: Actually, that doesn't sound stupid at all. I am an ENFP, currently engaged to an ESTP. Our current disturbing super-ego issues are what brought me here looking for help, but reading this post, i had to go off track. I was in a 5 yr relationship w/ an INTJ. Now, according to everything I'd read in MB and David Kiersey -land, this was the ideal relationship. It was anything but ideal. He got physical on 3 different occasions, once actually pushing me to the ground (he was a 200+ pound black guy). Now, he used to always tell me, "i've never gotten frustrated w/ someone like i get w/ you!" and i'd internally roll my eyes, and think, "ya, sure. that's why all ur exes left u. wish i could talk to them a little.." Then i found some on myspace. turns out, he'd literally, never been violent. I even spoke to his sister, and mother, and best friend. They were all equally shocked. It never made sense to me til I read about the "Supervisor-Supervisee" relationship. And that explained us alll day. He became to me, the devil incarnate. And he couldn't get why i wouldn't accept his "well-meant" help. It wasn't help to me. it was an attack at my nature. Now, I know some ISTPs, and they are not violent people. and if, as you are implying, the ISTP was naturally just off his/her rocker, and had anger/violence issues, that would have surfaced, or at least hinted at itself before their hooking up w/, shock shock, their Supervisee pair. I now would like to know how many people know of people in Supervisor-Supervisee relationships that have ended in shocking and unexpected violence. I've never seen so much regret from an INTJ, nor such short-lived repentance. Let me just say, SOOO glad that relationship is over. Now why i picked me an ESTP, instead of an ISTP for the next one, I'm not sure.... but I'm already in love w/ the SLE. What to do, what to do. Anywho, had to put my two cents in on that. -ENFP   -- sunnycalih |
A22 @A21...You ENFps have this quality to drive us INTjs up the wall  Sorry your relationship didn't work out though. -- Anonymous |
| A23 A6, how can u teach us how to improve our relationships with ISTp's when u can't stand them? ENFp's dont usually get along with ISTj's!.. Plus ENFp and ENFj friendships/etc are usually very misunderstood, so i guess that's the position you're standing in now!.. -- Anonymous |
| A24 I am an ENFP woman married to an ISTP man for about fifteen years now and it's a mixed bag for sure. He admits to living through me and experiencing emotion second hand, which is annoying to me and draining. I was first attracted to him because of his responsibility and steadiness...it's like wanting to scribble or throw paint on a clean surface. I wanted to muss him up, shake him up some and it was safe, because he was safe. However, there is nothing in the way of reciprocity that wants to connect in any meaningful way from him to me. I am frequently bored and after giving myself 110% to our marriage relationship now realize that he only want about 40% and the rest was not only unnecessary, but suffocating for him. He wants the occasional playmate, and I want it all...the playmate, mindmate and soulmate...not to be in my face all the time, but to be available and connected when I need it. He has admitted also to having no real need for relationships, but wants the friendship and sex that the convenience of marriage provides. For an ENFP this is devastating. I have poured myself into breathing life into this man and our marriage and now I just want to leave it with a D.N.R. sign. I love him, but besides the stability, I am receiving little and trying to figure out if my expectations are too high in general or if I could possibly still find the love of my life with a more passionate man who is not only capable of intimacy, but desires it as much as I do. -- On the fence... |
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| A25 I've been in a relationship with ISTP now for a year now and its rocky. We are both in our forties though and I think it might work because we are both past our twenties. In other words, I think we are both starting to realize getting older but he is difficult to talk to sometimes or doesn't want to talk about the things I want to talk about. But he is good looking and attractive, close to my age, we both engage is smoking and drinking to some degree, same race, grew up in the same part of the country, he has no children, from a Christian background, he helps me with the physical things of taking care of a trailer home that I can't do myself and we both like rock music. And he is both sexually uninhibited (without being addicted to porn running up bills) and affectionate. Sometimes I have to walk on eggshells around him so again its difficult sometimes. But I have a good man, he comes home, he doesn't stay out all night like an ISTP in his twenties might do and we've only been together a year so I think over time we might well meld together even further. Anyway, I am going to try to stick it out and be appreciative of what I have because its hard to find someone the older you get with all the things our relationship has. However, our relationship does have several problems in communication. But as far as freedom goes, I do let him go out and don't follow him around or things like that but he is more jealous than I am. But he always comes home at night. And he cooks for me too and I clean. He's more physical than I am and me more mental. Sometimes its like dating a rebellous teenage boy. -- Vanice the ENFP |
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