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Question #1132121465Wednesday, 16-Nov-2005
Category: Duality ENFp ISTp INTj Relationship
I read that the best romantic match for an ENFP is an INTJ. I thought that was possible because they are both intuitives and have a need to explore and answer questions. However your site socionics said that the best match is the ISTP being the relation of duality. Seems strange because the Conflict relations is ISTJ. ISTJ and ISTP are really close. so whats really the best match??? -- leesa
Your Answers: 1+ 15+ 29+
A1 ENFp and socionics INTj do not make a good match. This relationship is described as "Relations of Supervision", where INTj is "Supervisor" to ENFp. The problems arise mostly when ENFp starts behaving irrationally and inconsistently, which is what ENFps are usually like. INTj, being Intuitive, can tolerate such behaviour just a little bit better than socionics ISTj. If ENFp/INTj relationship is asymmetrical, ENFp/ISTj relationship is symmetrical, and both types suffer almost equally, that's why this particular interaction called "Conflicting Relations". ISTj and ISTp are similar only when it is written on paper. In reality they belong to the opposite quadrables, where all the quadrable values are opposite, which makes them quite different. Also, if INTJ you refer to is socionics INTp (common case, due to inconsistency in MBTI® theory), then ENFp and "such INTJ" form "Illusionary Relations", which are not as bad as "Relations of Supervision" or "Conflicting Relations", but are also not as good as "Relations of Duality". -- Admin
A2 I am a male INTJ with and ENFP girlfriend. We communicate very well, both enjoy physical activity and seem to understand one another. I might not like her messy apartment but I do enjoy her optimism and curiosity. There is a supervision element between us but only with respect to organization and getting mundane things done. Socially, she is much more astute and I take the back seat. She can change her focus a lot but I do not see her as irrational and she is certainly not inconsistent in her fundamental values. I had an ESFJ wife with whom I rarely had conflict but she never ever grew to love me and eventually left me for another ESFJ. I never understood her values. Although one filled in where the other was weak and we made one hell of a team, we lived in two different worlds or our understandings of the world were opposite. -- I/O
Moderator's comment
This is odd. ESFj with ESFj that is...
A3 Hmm...if you're an ENFp, go for an ISTp if you can. There are tons of benefits to this relationship in particular. For one thing, an ISTp would help balance your tendency to spread yourself too thin emotionally, while you could help the ISTp learn to give emotion a bit more freely...even if it's just to you. An ISTp could also stop you from going bankrupt in an attempt to fund your whims, but at the same time keep you from getting bored. After all, they love spontaneity and excitement...you'll help stave off their boredom, too. ISTps are very unlikely to get annoyed with mess (they're messy), and they have this remarkable ability to stay emotionally close to you and still give you space when you need it. They take mood swings in stride, and don't really have mood swings themselves...unless they become overwhelmed or feel pressured by something...which can happen, even if they try really hard not to show it. You'd instinctively be able to give an ISTp what they need if that happened. Oh, and they're really good at helping you put things in perspective if you become overwhelmed by something. They'll probably be quite amused by you at these times. Expect teasing. Which brings me to another reason why you should look for this type: they're funny. I mean, very funny. Not everybody will get their strange and intelligent humour, but you will, and they'll love you for it. And arguments with them are short lived, if they occur at all. *blinks* Right, I'm sure you get the idea. I just don't think you'd find that kind of ease in a relationship with any other type, if you're an ENFp. -- Dusty, ENFp
A4 Dusty you just made me blush. Well sometimes ISTps love their ENFp partner a lot. As in a lot. Sometimes they may feel a compulsion to call you and just say, I love you. But unless you make him open up he may never. And his humour is weird, and twisted, and ENFps like it. I just realised. And they give you good advice, but tell them you want it or they may not know if you want it. Yeah, and their not that good at telling you why you should want them. -- LoveSeeker
A5 ISTJ and ISTP are certainly not close. -- Tracy ENFJ
A6 I can see where I/O is coming from. I think INTJ/ESFJ are a good working team but the feeling aspect may not be there. I've done best with male ESFJ's as a working team. I think INTJ/ENFP is o.k. as long as both are healthy people with good backgrounds. -- INTJ6
A7 I do not recommend relations of Supervision for love, especially if the Supervisee has a low sense of self worth. Depending on how proud the Supervisor is, the results can be completely disastrous for the Supervisee. ISTp is not like ISTj. About A1, ENFps do not act more irrationally than any other type. What INTjs perceive to be "irrational" are the ENFp's different inner priorities and needs which INTjs do not see, understand, or validate, much less know how to meet. Perhaps an example can be seen in Moonstruck: a middle-aged INTj professor repeatedly courts various young, impressionable and emotional women who are his students to boost his ego. By his profound inability to respect their real needs and inevitable hurtfulness towards them, he continually outrages each one over dinner, resulting in restaurant scenes. Each time, he announces to everyone in the restaurant that she was "crazy" and "uncontrollable" and asks for a hard drink. But HE is the one facing this problem repeatedly. (It would take major insult to publicly launch most ANYone into such theatrics, especially ENFps, but many INTjs are capable of provoking enough frustration to engender that.) -- anonymous
A8 Here is my take on the subject. I am an ENFP, and if I had to chose a mate via, personality type only, I would chose INTP. Mostly because INTP gives me the mental stimulation, I need to be attracted, along with the low level of trying to "ORGANIZE ME," charistically like all Js, tend to do. He is openminded, intelligent, risk taking and Fun and laid back all at the same time. Maybe I should try an ENTP, I have never really talked much to an ENTP. But the thing is, Js, are notorious for being sticklers for me being late, orderly or what not. But as far as things, go, for me, other factors are going to need to be factored in such as religion, sexual attractiveness and compatibility, interests, socioeconomic background, whether they have children or not, all these things much be taken into account before I commit to anyone. -- Vanabelle
A9 @A8. Good for you! A man's got to do what a man's got to do. Hope he will also give you the other type of stimulation, if you know what I mean -- Dr. Zoidberg
A10 Female, ENFP, here. I have dated INTJ male, I have to admit, I was bored with the relationship. He was a computer systems administrator, always working, his social life was strange, it consisted of gamming (D&D) on the weekends with his guy friends, some of which still lived with mom at 30, and building computers and watching the sci-fi channel, and re runs of the princess bride, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Our conversations became very sacrastic after a while, each one of us trying to one up the other all the time, he being really corney. His gloomyness, made me feel more like an INTP, which I disliked. Also I found out that he was more submissive in bed, and I dont like that. But that is just one person,,, I think that an INFJ is acutally the most wonderful match possible for an ENFP, because I have loved, and deeply loved several people of this type. I admire these people, they are my ideal version I would want to be myself, so I actually listen to what they say and respect them. Sharing the F helps. ISTP's are also good, he was a pilot and I almost married him, except that he got psychotic and was an alcoholic, other than that we had a blast. good luck to you all, Im staying ENFP, alone by herself for a while, so I can finish school, guys are such a distraction! -- christine
A11 Go for the ISTP type, although we are difficult to spot as talked about in another Q&A posting. I am an ISTP and every time I see a posting by an ENFP I fall in love. ENFPs understand us and in turn we will give ourselves to you more than you dreamed possible. Yeah, yeah, there's that shell to break through, but trust me when I say it is not difficult for ENFPs to break through the shell of ISTPs simply because we love your personality so much. You are outgoing and affectionate and have such a keen intuitive understanding that you can see right into the soul of ISTPs. We love that. We like when others understand us because we do not find much satisfaction in showing our true selves directly. We'll find indirect ways like creating art or tossing out odd and intellectual humor. What I love about MBTI and socionics is that it celebrates you, no matter your personality. To that I say, be the ENFP that you are and ISTPs will naturally be attracted to you. It really is the best fit and you’ll know that because you won’t have to try very hard once you start dating an ISTP. -- an ISTP
A12 I think it all depends on how developed the personality is. I am an ENFP, with out a doubt, but I find myself drawn to thinker types. I like to be around F types for comfort, but it is the NTs that spark my interest. They are generally the ones that can hold their side of the conversation, and are the most able to supply my need for new and interesting ideas. -- Anonymous
A13 I don't understand why some insist that ISTp and ISTj never like each other. I'm an ISTp and my roommate is an ISTj and we get along very much. I respect him very much and whenever he face a problem he asks for my advice as he considers me "the guy who knows everything". He's now out for couple of months and I miss him very much He's a good listener and me too, thus, sometimes we spend the whole night chatting and joking. -- Anonymous
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A14 ENFP with ISTP ENFP : Let's do this! ISTP: (Hmm, it might be fun...however, She better leave me alone after this, If I really like it I'm gonna bring the chaos) Sounds good. ENFP with INTJ ENFP: Let's do this! INTJ: (Nothing personal, I don't really want to but I guess so just for the sake of appearances) Sure! To illustrate further think of INTJs are a Glacier and ENFPs as a Wind. ISTJS would be like a giant rock. ISTJS will always be there for you, just in ONE concrete position forever. INTJs will move, but very slowly as they prefer to move in their own direction, more so against the wind. ISTPs are like the tree that bend with the Wind. However they stay rooted on the ground keeping the ENFP blowing at them cause we can take it. Biased but probably true. -- ISTP
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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