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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1132121465 | Wednesday, 16-Nov-2005 |
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| I read that the best romantic match for an ENFP is an INTJ. I thought that was possible because they are both intuitives and have a need to explore and answer questions. However your site socionics said that the best match is the ISTP being the relation of duality. Seems strange because the Conflict relations is ISTJ. ISTJ and ISTP are really close. so whats really the best match??? -- leesa |
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| A29 I myself am an INTJ, my experience is that I am mostly attracted to the ENFP and ENTP types. The ESFJ & ISFJ types in my life have also been extremely pleasant, but I feel closer to especially the ENFPs as they seem to understand me well and show me a way of life and thought which is opposite to my own. They tend to appreciate me for who I really am, truly loving the parts of me which I often see as problems in my persona. Essentially, they make me feel good about myself, and I see they know it and in turn that feeds wellness into them since they know they are making a positive impact on me. I read peoples minds, one at a time, fairly easily... The ENFP is the only type whom I have experienced do the same with me. Not only see my feelings, as is the case with ESFJ, but really understand them, also the ones I am not showing. I think there is a difference from types you are very attracted to, and to types which offer the best long term relationsship compatability STATISTICLY. All in all, its my opinion, that people are too focussed on achieving long relationsships, marriage and so forth. In many respects, those things in life do not represent happiness, and it would be better, to focus on what makes you happy instead of all this social status BS. "I would never date a xxxx type", is that really the best way of relating to life and love ? People are very different, even though they share types, often tests are also wrong, and you cant really trust them. For me to know I am an INTJ I studied hard, did many tests and so forth. Most people I get to take the test are not willing to put in that much effort. There are shy and quiet ENTJs, who just want to help people and be a part of something. Then there are loudmouthed and metrosexual INTJs also... Its all about WHO YOU ARE, and not WHAT. I can take on different roles myself, I like just to play stupid and stay in the background, but when I choose to move into the foreground, I demand full attention. There are also instincts, beliefs and lots of other stuff to take into account. This is why I found the Enneagram test interesting also. Socionics, MBTI and so forth is great in regards to learning about peoples personality, cognitive processes and so forth in an easy way. However, for something as crazy as love, I think its best not to start off slamming a test on it and trying to box it in. Better to go with the flow, love is not a career people. -- Lars / INTJ |
| A30 That was so smart! I really enjoyed reading that! you are absolutly right about it all, love is not something to classify!! -- enfpp |
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| A31 I'm ENFP (female) long married to my opposite, ISTJ. I agree that it should work, as we complement each other, and it did for quite a while. But I get bored. I feel I have to censor my self, my creativity, when I'm with this guy. Also, I have to do all the emotional work. He does not reach out: I have to reach in, and sometimes it's hard to be bothered when I'd rather be off having fun! My conclusion is that we make a good work team, and get on well as friends, but are not so good as lovers because it is difficult for us to be emotionally close. -- Anonymous |
| A32 The ENFP+INTJ Argument Our natural attraction is to people who share our dominant function (for ENFPs = Intuition, INTJs = Intuition, ISTP = Thinking), but who use it in a different direction. So, we not only flip-flop the Introverted or Extraverted trait, but we also flip-flop the Judging or Perceiving trait. (= Ps should go with Js) In this way, the partner that we choose for ourselves will have a very different approach to dealing with the world. If we are laid-back and indecisive, our partner will be structured and decisive. If we are reserved, our partner will be outgoing. For all of our apparent differences, we will share a common vision of what's truly important in life. Therefore, although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENFP's natural partner is the INTJ, or the INFJ. ENFP's dominant function of Extraverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Introverted Intuition. -- YIIANNEFFPEE |
| A33 You're just copying what a Myers Briggs site says about relationships, this is not Socionics. INTj dominant function in Socionics is Thinking, ISTp Sensing (j or p is attributed to the type according to whether a judging or perceiving function is the dominant one, not the extroverted one, therefore describing more what the person feels like themselves, not what they look like). The intertype relations theory is completely different in Socionics, see the Relations section here. And from my personal experience I can tell you that I don't get along so well with Si people as the theory describes. They see different reality, not the same reality with different eyes like Nis. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
A34 I'm an ENFP who has been with my ISTP boyfriend for 6 years now. I'm gonna have to agree with this site that says ENFPs and ISTPs match up well. He's laid back enough to let me do my own crazy thing, and yet he never turns down one of my out-there ideas. One weekend I can just randomly say, "let's drive to the next state!" and he's all for it. I love a good sport that's along for the ride  Also, one of my closest girl friend's is a ISTP. She's the same way-(wanna go clubbing on a wednesday night? istp: sure, why not?!) Of course they are a little quieter in a group of people, but i feel like they just "get" me. I find some types are quick to judge the ENFP as being flighty/spacey and therefore less intelligent, but I've never found that with an ISTP. It seems like they truly understand me. So cheers for the ENFP and ISTP relationship! -- an enfp |
| A35 I'm a female ENFp. I'm in relationship with my ISTp boyfriend for 13 years. I AGREE with everything A3 and A34 said. ISTp gives us EFNp a lot of space and freedom to pursue anything we love to. And they are the best in handling our mood swings and never take it personally. Being with him, I feel completely being myself. I never have to hide my emotions and he can always accept all sort of crazy obsession I have at times. I had also a relation with an INTp. I agree too that we had great conversation and everything was intense. However there are times that I'm annoyed by his know-it-all and he has less tolerance to my enthusiasm that doesn't make sense to him. My conclusion, INTp is boyfriend material while ISTp is husband material for ENFp. At younger age we tend to be attracted to INTp than ISTp. As we grew matured, we yearn for stability and that's the time when we appreciate ISTp as partner. In the same time, being "intuitive" INTp is capable of hurting us much more than the "Sensing" type. I might be mad at my ISTp boyfriend but has he has never hurt me as much as much as my INTp exboyfriend, who seemed to know which button to push. -- Anonymous |
A36 I dated an INTJ and let me tell you...I was clausterphopized. He always was telling me what to do and how to do it and was extremely suffocating. As an ENFP female-I've recently fell into a relationship with an ISTP. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN together...and really..our common interests hold us in. However, he is definitely his own person. Which...I LOVE..love but he can be hard to read sometimes..and that can frustrate me. LOL I saw Christine's comment above..."I almost married an ? but he was psychotic and an alcoholic." That comment...cracked me UP. Good choice not to marry that bloke.  Cheers to all. -- Anonymous |
| A37 I, myself, am an ENFP male. I've been heavily attracted to an INTJ female, because when others see a recluzive, rigid, bossy woman, I see a diamond in the rough; someone that is willing to accept a challenge, someone that doesn't mind it when I'm hanging out with people. She likes me because she sees it as a puzzle to get me, that in her eyes, I'm just an arrogant, extremely self-confident young lad. Luckily for me, she likes a challenge, as well. After about a week, we finally decided to start dating. Turns out, it's a LOT better than expected. I completely understand her need for time alone, and she understands my need for independence. Now, 19 years into the marriage, I feel proud to have her as my wife. It feels like we complete each other, despite the Duality chart, and that we will lead a good life together -- Happy ENFP |
| A38 I am an ENFP female who has a ISTP boyfriend. The is the BEST relationship that I have ever had. He is warm, honest, very attentive, loving, and we communicate extremely well with each other. On top of that, he's hella sexy!!! I have never been happier. I think that you have to look at how the person treats you and vice versa. My ISTP treats me like gold. There are always exceptions to every rule! -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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