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ESFj uncovered "When It's Not Perfect"
by I/O

The partner is a reflection of the ESFj so must also strive to be perfect. Unfortunately, the more the partner offers in attributes, the higher the ESFj raises the standards; therefore, a partner is doomed to be imperfect in the eyes of the ESFj. One can take solace in the fact that advice rolls so easily off the tongue ...
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Your Comments: 1+ 21+ 36+ 55+ 63+
C36 I work with an ESFJ and an INTJ. I am an INFP and I do try to get along with the INTJ because I dislike conflict - she's got a sarcastic tongue, knows she is ALWAYS right (too much logic is not a good thing, at all) and is universally disliked in at the work place. However, I prefer the INTJ to the ESFJ 100 times. The ESFJ comes across to me as stupid. When we are discussing ideas, she is thinking of people and things. -- Anonymous
C37 This article is pretty sarcastic, but that's the nature of uncovered article. It's suppose to show darker sides of a type. But you know it's not a bad side;it just shows the limitation of the type so they can work on improving it. On the opposite end of spectrum, they make wonderful and thoughtful friend who are very open to new concepts. They are silly and sweet and can get along with others easily, something which the thinking types find it hard to acheive. I would say esfj's weakness stems from their inability to make connections and to see things beneath the surface. They are probably aware of this shortcomings so they put on a face as if they understand the essences. The sensors in general sort of live in an uncertanity...And there's really nothing wrong with been selfish sometimes as long as the action is not hurting others. Another things is that well if they are entitled to be caring then that would somewhat imply that they are also dependent. A coin is two sided. It would be unreasonable to expect them to be caring and independent which kind of contradict itself... -- Anonymous
C38 C15 sounds more like an ENFJ than ESFJ -- an intj
C39 I admit when I am mad [ESFj-N speaking here] or feeling insecure [which is rare] I "can" be like this if I don't watch myself. . . but I'm more often the good side then the bad side. I think the reason why is because I've realized my short comings and have been trying excessively hard to work on them. When I'm mad and feel like manipulating someone or "ruining their life" [because I totally could.] I try to see things from their point of view and back off so that I can cool off. [Something I learned from an INFj friend of mine. Oh, and to the INFj that posted here. We LOVE you guys! That's why he's all over you. Because he respects you and probably wants to be like you. INFj's have got to be some of the nicest people in the world. -- Anonymous
C40 I'm an intj. I have an esfj sister. I doubt I/O could get us to cooperate with each other. If there is even a slight insult, she flips out and tells the whole family (3 introverts and 1 extrovert) about how unfair her life is. EVERY DAY (intjs hate repetition, for those who don't know). I can't imagine myself with an esfj. they are manipulative and shallow, and if they are ever in the wrong, they won't ever admit to it. Instead, they will come up with some stupid excuse to why they didn't do anything wrong. No matter how many times you prove them wrong, THEY DON'T LISTEN!!! -- intj802
C41 I'm an ESFJ and use proudly manipulation to quickly get what I want from my husband, psychologist, clients and the dolts that I work with. Amen and good night! -- ESFJ and why not?!
C42 C15 can wrote only an ESFJ i really believe her text, becouse It is very long an could be summerised in about 4 sentences... -- INTj
C43 Oh my god this is all so true. Esfj`s are horrible. I know quite a few (sadly? haha). They are backstabbing gossipers. And not particularly smart either.. -- Anonymous
C44 @C43 That is an extremely rude blanket statement -- Anonymous
C45 I am a ENFP male married (1.5 years) to a ESFJ female.. I am posting this because i haven't found much written about this personality combination. Anyways.. All I can say is she cant hear me, she doesn't like to talk, she will only engage in doing tasks and talking about doing tasks.. all the while she really is a decent person. I am having a hard time connecting with her and she seems to try as well, however we cant seem to find each other.. Its very sad, I loved this girl so much, but i feel she doesn't really like me on the inside, she doesn't want to know me really inside, she wants to work hard and then drink margaritas on a beach some where, but with no thought if there is any meaning or purpose to life. We are a young couple, we fell in love before i had ever heard of this Personalty theory; I knew we were a bit different but i thought she would grow as a person and that we might rub off on each other... A word to the wise if you are iNtuitive and are in search of a soul mate/companion (she wont open up) ESXX may not be where its at, I am learning the hard way -- ENFP
C46 c43 dont worry this is true! put it this way an unhealthy intj is light years better than unhealthy esfj, esfj narcissic, vain, and very petty and no progression other than perceived image in life and so very conformist defintely always just living to play some pity game -- Anonymous
C47 C45, not listening or liking to talk....Are you sure she's ESFj? From your description, she seems ISFj and you seem to be trying to supervise her. This would not be good if she thinks that you are not worthy to be her supervisor. -- Anonymous
C48 I'm an ESFJ who has taken the test a couple times. This description was fairly accurate in my younger days, but as I've grown into adulthood in my early 40's and as a mom of a darling daughter who is 5: I tested borderline ISFJ. So I think environment can change us. This article didn't really uncover much for me. I think the lady who wrote about being mellow is closer to somewhere in the middle. I know I read ESFJs also do not reveal their true feelings to others unless it's family or personal friends and I'd say that is correct for me. It's a great trait to have in a number of careers. Also, I don't fish for compliments as described here. I do want feedback because I like improving myself and dislike wasting my time. Very solution oriented, but also very family oriented! -- Momo
C49 I/O, C15 seems to contradict your article a tad. Do you have anything to say about it? -- Anonymous
C50 C49, I thought that the person at C15 wrote like an N-type. However, I do not know the context within which this person was raised and since many do not type themselves correctly, I cannot really comment. -- I/O
C51 I do not think you have described an m quite easy to get along with. Certainly not how you described EFSJ under stress, I think you have descibed a narsisist which is a personality disorder. I am married to a ESFJ and I find him supportive. As to INTPS? my experience is that they are living in such a rich internal world " forget " about others, that is in the day to day reality of married life. I have only known a few, and they are delightful to talk to, but generally non commital about the earth plane logistics which would frustrate an ENFJ to no end. Perhaps you are different. -- Anonymous
C52 I do not think you have described an ESFJ . I am married to one quite easy to get along with. Certainly not how you described EFSJ under stress, I think you have descibed a narsisist which is a personality disorder. I am married to a ESFJ and I find him supportive. As to INTPS? my experience is that they are living in such a rich internal world " forget " about others, that is in the day to day reality of married life." I have only known a few, and they are delightful to talk to, but generally non commital about the earth plane logistics which would frustrate an ESFJ to no end. Perhaps you are different.I test as an ENFJ -- Luda
C53 I have been married to and esfj for thirty years, I am an intj. It has been very difficult. He is moody, lies and has fits of anger over the most inane and childish things. I never know what will offend him. He is unhappy when I hand him something in the wrong way, or show any irritation at him, I never know what will set him off and he cares not who hears him or where we are, he really is emotional and irrational. A real fool of a man. -- Anonymous
C54 I don't know, I am an EFSJ, but I'm not anything like the description. True, I can't say nothing written, is a description of me, but I tend to be more like the EFSJ who wrote about being a good mom. I'm not deceitful, I do rely on myself & have recently been told by my husband that he wishes I would rely on him more, I go out of my way not to confront ppl, but I will if I have to. I also have very little care for money & will usually walk around with no money in my pocket because I gave it to a family member or the homeless. I do have a moral code that I believe in, but won't force it on others. I wouldn't be wishy-washy or believe what others tell me to, I need to believe in it myself! I have always asked why to everything so that I could learn it & then have an opinion on it, not that I enforce my opinion on others. I do talk overly to much & want my husband to be my sounding board. What I don't understand, is if I'm an EFSJ, how come I am soooo diff then the description here? -- Anonymous
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