Dealing with Contrary Relations (Long Question)
Hello, been a very long time since I posted. I have a bit of a dilemma and am looking for advice.
Background: I am an INTj who works in a business environment that can be highly competitive, however as a consultant my work is often specialized and often stands alone. However, I come across a lot of ENTjs. Some are owner/CEOs/Directors and I have to reel it in and be very buttoned up, which isn't too hard for me. For years I have worked closely with ENTjs and have this same problem repeating and I'm just tired of it. I am trying to find a new way to approach a CEO that hired me. He is ENTj. And this is a familiar issue.
The Situation: This is how it always starts, very typical of these relationships if I understand correctly--> ENTjs first meet me and love me. I'm rational and don't care how one sided the conversation is and can provide endless amounts of objective, non-threatening feedback. They seem to think we're kindred spirits- I know we're not. But that's fine. The first problem arises when I do not match them when they become uncharacteristically "overly familiar" (as I would put it.) I think they see putting their guard down as a compliment...? I feel like I have to become the church lady (snl skit) just so they stop being so inappropriate (I'm a young(ish) lady at work. The sexual humor is gross and weird.) It's awkward. Mostly because they didn't think it would be.
Because we do end up leading with out strengths if a situation arises that requires scrutiny or analysis he wants to go wide and I want to drill down. (to put it simply) He usually thinks that the best way to solve a problem in a team is to be very enthusiastic about a dozen possible solutions and the solution and work on those to find a solution. I want to go create a set of criteria to narrow down our choices and pick the best one based on testing/research. ENTjs have the tendency to be okay making mistakes (wasting time, is what I call it) and so just work down a list of solutions until one sticks..? And when it doesn't work, it's as if they get more excited and motivated by the 'new development'. It's a "well now we know this isn't the answer for us..." mentality. Except I already knew it wasn't the answer. And the most demoralizing thing for an INTj is being tasked with something I know will fail. Eventually, the ENTj thinks I'm working against him, rather than simply disagreeing with the approach. And perhaps because the relationship on his end was so idealized, he feels especially betrayed. This cycle can happen on a small scale and be recovered quickly or it can continue and define the rest of our working relationship until the end of the project. The latest situation is shaping up to look like the latter and I want to avoid that at all costs if I can...
My question: How do could I communicate to a contrary relationship, or an ENTj, that I'm not working against them, I just think this is a total farce? Or whatever the diplomatic way to express such a thing is...
And a side question would be: Are all ENTjs a wee bit paranoid or is that just my perspective as the other half in a contrary relationship?