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Question #1232888350Sunday, 25-Jan-2009
Category: Duality Intertype Relations
Are there any types out there that DON'T like their dual? If so..why? -- ENFp
Your Answers: 1+ 22+
A1 I'm an ENFp and I am not a fan of ISTp types, I was involved with one for a year and he just played too many confusing mind games. It was weird, he was an angel to his friends, and a demon from hell to me. so i had to leave him. Once in a while he tries to get my attention in some way or the other, but this time I'm sticking to the ground and looking for someone more nice, expressive, emotionally rational, flexible and not to mention understanding! It sucks to read that ISTp types are supposed to be the "best" for relationships with ENFp types, I mean, is it really as good as it's going to get for us ENFps? Right now, Im seeing an INFj and I am connecting with him much better, hopefully things will work out. -- Anonymous
A2 I find female ESFJ's freaking annoying. I get along well with male ESFJ's but it takes a long time to forge a bond. -- INTJ
A3 Well ENFps, its probably human nature to not like ISTps if you've had bad experiences with them. Sounds like you've just ran into a bad ISTp, or one thats bad for you. And i'm sure theres many cases where other types have ran into duals that didnt fit them or meet their needs, or what have you. Anyway, i'm an istp and i've been roommates with a friend who is an enfp for years now, and it honestly couldn't get any better. We're really different, but its such a complimentary ying-yang type relationship. Theres never a dull moment, its comfortable and exciting, AND HILARIOUS! I make him laugh his ass off and he makes me laugh mine off. And we give each other space to do our own things too, and its natural. its effortless. I can't even imagine how amazing dating an ENFp would be, as I've only been involved with ESTj and INFj women. -- ISTp
A4 @A2 - I notice you're using the MBTI abbreviation "INTJ". Are you also a Socionics INTj (lower-case "j"), or are you perhaps a Socionics INTp (which would have a Conflicting relationship with ESFj). The two systems type introverts differently. I've seen a lot of self-identified "INTJs" say that they can't stand ESFjs, which means one of two things: 1) Socionics is wrong, as least in the Intertype Relations part, or 2) Some INTps are using MBTI typing instead of Socionics. Given how well I've observed Socionics to describe human interaction, I suspect 2). -- Krig (INTj)
A5 A1's comments give me more evidence for what I was already thinking. If a person's dual type "isn't her type," then she's stuck on her feeling or thinking preference, very likely. Some people just want others to behave more like themselves. Also, I've observed some introverts can't deal with extroverts, and vice versa. -- Anonymous
A6 I will never ever get attracted to my dual, istp. My dad is one. I do not like his messy, "earn today, worry tomoro" behavior and he tends to put mostt of the responsibilities of the house to my mom, who is an enfj. I felt disappointed when socionics come up tat istp is the dual for enfp although i may not take it as a "law". -- enfp
A7 I'm a SLI (ISTp)guy and while I wouldn't say I hate my dual the IEE (ENFp), it can be very frustrating. While it was the easiest (once we got to know each other), most comfortable and some of the best relationships I have been in... the ones I've known in the past I always get the feeling from them that I was never good enough for them, especially romantically. I know duality isn't the magic cure-all or anything, as there is other factors involved that are needed to make it work. Although I am dating my semi-dual right now (ENTp)and she is great, in the future if I am single and I met a beautiful single ENFp lady about my age, I'm sure I'll give duality an another shot. -- Anonymous
A8 Heck ya. There's no typological substitute for human decency. -- pure & simple
A9 Well, I am an ENFp and I have to say...when I first found out that ISTp is my dual...and read the ISTp profile...especially the ISTp "uncovered" article...i did NOT think I would like...or could ever like a person male or female of this type...so...i thought I was screwed. I was attracted to and have a lot of INFps but romantically it never worked out. Too much alike...i think. But I had never met, or thought I had never met an ISTp before until now. And I REALLY, REALLY like her. Knowing her and seeing how she is personally helps me see how I really misunderstood a lot of the concepts in the ISTp profile. being able to see how their personality manifests itself in person is SO different and SO lovabe! I didn't think they liked people...but they LOVE people! just in their own way. I had an INTP friend that I felt SO comfortable with and communicated so beautifully with that I thought she was the one...until I realised that my feeling and her logic were always trying to cancel eachother out. INTPs don't like it when people show emotion...and I almost always do! So we realized it wouldn't work out. It was so confusing tho because we were SO comfortable with eachother. and so I thought who else do I know that I have the same level of comfort. and that's what made me remember meeting this ISTp girl about six months earlier. I got back in touch with her developed a closer friendship with her AND THEN found out she was ISTp! Now I understand! She has TROUBLE expressing or showing emotion except joy and happiness since she loves bringing joy to people (which is why people commonly mistake them for Extroverts). their hidden agenda however is to be able to show affection. and ENFps can show em how...even if it is just to them. My ISTp told me she can't cry...she NEVER does. that its hard for her. TWO days later I wrote her an e-mail telling her how I felt about her...and she reluctantly admitted to me that...I made her cry...for which she scolded me of course. they feel they have to be strong. Made it SO special. -- An ENFp
A10 Amen A8, Amen. -- Anonymous
A11 i've never been a believer in the 'dual-relationships'. mine would be an ESTP, which i have been in a relationship like that, and it was the most ridiculous and pointless relationship. it's like we were constantly going around in circles, and never communicating. I think ESTPs need like ISTJ, ISFP, ISFJ. I think the only way these relationships work is if they are playing 'pretend' and never get to actually know each other. I think I saw him as an ENTJ, and he saw me as a ISFJ... neither of us are close to those. -- Anonymous
A12 Something can't be right then, A11. Relations of duality exist. A buddy of mine is an ESTp, and he's still dating his girlfriend of 3 years, an INFp. I have an INTp friend who's been dating an ESFp for 5... an ESTj who's now engaged to an INFj. I think people on this website often mistype others and dig too much into this socionics theory. Everyones human, and we all know how anally crazy we can be. With 'relations of duality' being the 'best' type of relationship, i think people tend to put it up on a pedestal as if its 100% perfect. When something doesnt fit right with their personal ideal-perfect-romantic-gigli-relationship they get bent out of shape and complain. -- Ben Affleck
A13 A7, being good enough for your dual is easy. I think ENFps (atleast the ones I know) would love someone who does not come off as cold towards them and do the usual - making her feel important/special etc. -- Anonymous
A14 yes im an ISFp and i'm not attracted to my dual, the ENTp AT ALL (in an imtimate relationship atleast) from my experience it's been almost a disaster. but they do make the most wonderful friends. but i don't think i'd ever date one again. -- Anonymous
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A15 Sorry, but this entire rating system seems simplistically silly. I'm an ambivert, and base the nature of my interactions on what is most appropriate in the moment. By associating our identities with some random line of letter, we reenforce that behaviour and become stagnant within one psychological posture instead of a healthy flux between roles. -- Anomaly
A16 I like my dual ESFP, but I don't know if I could ever trust one in a romantic realtionship....the one close friend, who I considered a relationship with had so many eggs in the basket, that I doubted his intentions towards me...also he was always trying to change my outward apearance.... -- Miss D INTP
A17 I agree with A16... I get along well with my dual but would find it incredibly difficult to trust an ESTp man in a relationship. Why do so many people on this site assume you can't figure out your personality type if your opinion differs from socionics theory? I don't doubt A11 is an INFp and I don't doubt she had the most ridiculous, pointless relationship with her dual. -- INFp
A18 Dear ENFp, I am an ISTp. I am a loner. I do want the best for everyone. I do not join clubs as I see them as a way to exclude others. I do not attend parties as I see them as frivolous. I do not spend freely, but do spend well. I have an opinion. I think. I suffer fools. I feel sorrow and pain, but rarely love. I protect the weak and rail against authority. I may be the one type that rejects happiness and misery, but is content in that middle-place. I am famously efficient and capable, will not avoid leadership nor seek it. I am Mr. Spock, The Tin Man, the one who rises to the occasion, but only when needed. I seek equalibrium in all things. Is this not the answer to the ENFp? -- Anonymous
A19 I feel from personal experience that dual relationships are more beneficial as friend/work partners than for romantic relationships. It just seems that in modern society our duals come from a completely different social spectrum, making it really hard to integrate in the long run. But then again I'm an INFp and my dual is an ESTp. So it could just be me. I had a good ESTp friend in high school although we've slowly drifted apart since. Of course now he's in jail, which is one segment of society I'd never make it in. -- Anonymous
A20 @ A15 - I think that maybe if you were with your dual, you would realize your natural mode of interaction, and that "true self" would be amplified. You would no longer see a need to do what is most appropriate at any given moment. Society dictates that we adjust ourselves to suit it and the people around us. This "dampens" our personality preference. A mature dual relationship on the other hand, would allow you to be natural - your dual EXPECTS you to be natural instead of forcing you to adjust your mode of interaction. -- Anonymous
A21 I'm an INFP and I have a real "gut" feeling the socionics site is right. The funny thing is when you are with your dual, you may think the relationship is supposed to be a certain way. The ideal match may not be what'd you'd expect. But, that's the person. Of course, drug abuse, childhood past abuse, different goals or stages of life etc. should also be considered. But, THAT' THE PERSON. Do you get the drift? It's crazy, I know. -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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