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Question #1232888350Sunday, 25-Jan-2009
Category: Duality Intertype Relations
Are there any types out there that DON'T like their dual? If so..why? -- ENFp
Your Answers: 1+ 22+
A22 I'm an ENFP and I love the daylights outta my ISTP husband and I have been deeply hurt by his cruelty at the same time. We enjoy all the benefits of duality...great compatibility in most areas and have suffered the clash of the ISTP independence and need for privacy with the ENFP enthusiasm and optimism. After the initial run in period, which left the relationship with some damage, I have found that I do not like the painful aspects of the ISTP's stubborn refusal to "dealt with quarrels" or seeming lack of empathy (although I think many of us suffer from lack of empathy, it just seems to come more naturally to my ISTP). -- Energiecoach-enfp
A23 There are a lot of things that frustrate me about my dual, the ESTj, but I don't think I could say that those characteristics make me dislike them on the whole. After all, a lot of their negative aspects are just the other side of the coin from the positive aspects. They are very hard-working and practically-minded people. They are concerned with efficiency and productivity. That also means that they tend to put processes before people, and can harshly dismiss people for being "lazy" or "incompetent" just because the person cannot perform something as well as the ESTj thinks they should be able to. They often lack sympathy for people's unfortunate circumstances, thinking that if people just mustered enough determination, they wouldn't have a problem. They cannot stand people complaining. They always think people should solve their problems, not whine about them. Although they dislike bureaucracy and red tape, they have a great appreciation for structure and discipline, so they may tend to assume that if a government passes a law, it must be fair. They can be blind to their own bias since they view everything through the lens of objective results. They really care about doing things in the most effective way, but this leads them to be impatient if someone has a method that they see as inferior. That someone might prefer their way of doing it "just because," does not make sense to them. In general, they can be very controlling in this way, although they mean well. It can be frustrating as an INFj because I often get the impression that he sees me as a pretty "useless" person who depends upon him, whereas he doesn't need anybody because he's so good at everything. And it's hard trying to convince him otherwise because he doesn't naturally see the value in and it's hard for me to verbalize. I like to get people talking about their feelings, but he really hates that. Still, I think the time together has shaped him. He's a bit softer than he used to be... A bit more considerate, and maybe even a bit more open-minded. And I think the biggest thing is that he feels "safe" with me. That I see him for who he is and love him. Not just because he's such a good provider, but just because I find him likable. He really needs someone gentle in his life. This might sound weird, but it's almost like I'm the couch he settles into after a hard day's work, haha! -- An INFj
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A24 A18: you nailed it. Let me add this: I like to analyze the emotional behavior of the ENFp, in order to manipulate it (it works, ENFp has Fi creative, which is flexible). It could hurt the ENFp (A1!), but in that way the ENFp is acting exactly as I wish, be it for my own comfort or for their own good. The latter because I like them to make the best of life and to not place themselves in situations (by behavior that is based on empathic feeling with the other) that could victimize them after all... (Te) (thus making us hurt in order for us to act out our rightful anger so that we would behave in a way that would stop victimizing ourselves... so in order to be les naïeve, even though it is based on genuine feelings for the other. Probably the other in that situation is not deserving of our rightful sympathy... for example. -- grasshopper
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