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| Question #1172795683 | Friday, 2-Mar-2007 |
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| I have been dating a ISTP guy for 6 months. Two weeks ago i brought up some of our career difference in hopes we could solve them. He wants to farm. I am a teacher and think i want to live in the city. A week later he broke up with me without dicussing his feelings, saying things will not work because of our differences. I had no idea this was coming as i thought we were just discussing it to solve our differences. Finally i told him that we could solve our differences. I could move to the farm or closer. He still said he wanted to break up because he was not sure of his feelings. He felt we were good friends. Nothing more. However, he was very upset and said "he may have feelings for me, but he may have been holding them back so as not to hurt me." He was very upset and crying each time we spoke, saying i was a wonderful person and not sure why he does not have feelings for me. Can someone make sense of this? Is this just cold feet? He just wants to be friends for a while. He wants to step back and think about his feelings. Does this sound like an ISTP? -- V |
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| A14 Yes, I would like to add something. I am an ISTP. I am a male ISTP. I can now see what we ar actually doing to other people. The answer on no 7 above is the most correct one. I have already done what is said there. No 7 shows the experience. I add here the reasons. First you should know that all thinking personalities can, once break up, can manage to go on running away even if it's hurting them badly. ISTP and ISTJ are good on this. Last two years ago I e-mailed a certain girl I love that I still love her but I don't want to here from her any think and I have also blocked her e-mail address from accessing my e-mail box (I trully did). I also deleted her e-mail add, every e-mail she sent me, her phone number, and threw away every thing which will give me her memory. the reason is that she did something which ashemed me. She was exreamly sad. She is still sad and upset whenever we meet. I feel something for her (not sure if it's love or her sadness) but I have a quite strong heart to suppress it. She alway seem that she have something to tell me, but I give her no chance. Four monthes ago I wrote my girl friend that I don't want to here form her, and I have also deleted her phone number and e-mail add. She was so sad but she is an ISTJ; she can actually carry it very easier. The reason is that I she didn't answer my sms, and she switched off her mobile phone. I later discover that it was not because of me and we are now happy. LOOK, 1. WE WANT IT ALWAYS TO BE KEW. Also we are too weak to handal our emotion. 2.Dissagreament in anything is A BIG THREAT TO US since we are happy only with the things we have on heard (you dont want to go to the farm). 3.we want every thing to work for our idea to make sure we ary happy. if it shows anything that will stop it from working for our aidea we donot need it (he need to stay in farm). 4. we are unpredictable to what we are going to do. Unpredictable event to ourselves(the decision to brake was not carried a long way back. It cames from a threat of being prohibited to live the life he want. ADVICE: 1.DO NOT INSIST OF COMMING TOGETHER AGAIN(this againg is a threat of prohibiting him to live the life he want) 2.Be a friend. This will reduce the threat (he want you to be a friend and you have become one)3.be a challenge(he is still like other men. he can be attracted too).4.do not think you cannot live without him(before you see him you were happy than now, you can be hape without him). -- victor |
A15 It sounds to me like being with an ISTP is near impossible for a long term relationship. I suggest you delete all knowledge of this guy and move on. Ive known several ISTPs and its always some complication even with friendship. If someone always has to have things thier way and cannot compromise then its best if you part company. There are many good people out there that will communicate and will reciprocate. If you find an ISTP like that then scoop em up. I haven't found one yet and I'm beggining to think I never will  -- enfp |
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| A16 A7 is really spot-on for ISTPS. I do this. I'm very sorry to all of you who try to get in relationships with us. Not really sorry but you get the point. -- ISTP |
| A17 I feel incredibly sad for you. I had exactly the same situation happen to me 3 days ago, but we'd been dating for two and a half years. The story is so similar I don't even need to type mine out. Kind of wish I'd read this sooner, because maybe then his breakup wouldn't have been so out-of-the-blue. So all my attempts to solve our differences and build our relationship were actually seen by him as more evidence of our incompatibility, despite the fact that I've never gotten along better with anyone in my life. I'm feeling no end of bitter right now. -- Anonymous |
| A18 As an ISTp, I take issue with the assertion that we find it easy to leave people because we usually have someone else to go to. One of my personal consolations is that although I am usually the one initiating the breakup, I have NEVER broken up with someone because I was interested in someone else. Most times it has to do with going off in a new direction in my life that takes me out of state or involves me with a new activity that takes a lot of time, and the other party has their own lifestyle such that they won't be "coming with". Or, if I decide the two of us are ultimately incompatible, that conclusion is reached after months of attempted compromise, and I usually try to stay friends. I fall into relationships easily - guess 'cause I'm a reasonably attractive, intelligent bisexual who never goes long before *someone* indicates interest in me ... but I'm pretty much the same person whether I'm in a relationship or not - e.g., I don't feel like I "need" to be dating. For the original poster, I would generalize that ISTps need to feel like they can adapt to changes, which makes it hard to keep commitments. You might do well to ask yourself what you want/need in a relationship, and then try to contrast with what your ISTp can offer. *We* really don't need much in a relationship; friendly companionship, sex in order to satisfy physical urges, plenty of space & bouts of spontaneity ... but we're so self-contained that it becomes self-centered in that this is all we really can offer, too! -- iAnnAu |
| A19 He's not an ISTP - as an ISTP, I would be very factual about the breakup and would certainly never cry about it in front of you. I may cry later, but not in front of you.... They only emotion I may show during a breakup is the classical ISTP anger/rage... - MWCOX -- Anonymous |
| A20 hello! I'm also an enfp. This is my opinion..also not 100% sure it's correct. But u can see for yourself!..I think he does really love you, but the thought of being separated so you two can live in 2 different places and do your 2 different careers scares him. So he doesn't want to get hurt if you have to break up with him i guess. Hope you two are back together or will be soon!:-) -- Anonymous |
| A21 I think the knee-jerk reaction that you describe fits an ISTp profile. By you bringing up 'differences' that need to be 'solved' may strike at what he may think is too important, his and perhaps your future well-being. He could be simply trying to head-off what he senses as potentially a lot of future conflict or stress. An ISTp reads body language very well. His logic will override his feelings for you, and he'll chose what he thinks would be for the best. -- I/O |
| A22 iAnnAu is right (A18). I don't know if we are capable of commiting ourselves to others. I wouldn't know where to begin. I am me, and while I can love and care, it is always from the outside looking in. It's not selfishness, just an internal wall. -- Anonymous |
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