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Question #1155111898Wednesday, 9-Aug-2006
Category: E/I Relationship INFp ENFj
do extroverts stick with extroverts when young, only realising the long term worth of introverts with maturity? specifically how would an infp attract a fun-loving enfj -- Anonymous
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A1 I'm an ENFP and have only discovered the pleasure of introverts in a romantic sense since turning 30. I learned this mainly through growing tired of relationships with other extroverts and the constant desire for both of us to be the centre of attention. Also, I find people who talk too much overwhelming, which is quite funny given that I can talk a lot. I appreciate introverts and admire their self-sufficiency (ie: they don't need to be with people as much as I) and the fact that they seem to enjoy my ability to take the lead in social settings and to add more fun and adventure to their lives. So, in my humble opinion, it is a matter of finding more mature extroverts who can appreciate the value of introverts. That said, introverts need to be self confident and assertive in order to claim their space without guilt in a relationship with an extrovert - particularly stronger extroverts. I don't have any specific advice on attracting an ENFj but because they're close to my type I hope you get something from my post. -- Rosie
A2 Thanks that's reassuring, but I had a particular enfj in mind and can't see him maturing overnight, I feel he sees me as slightly ordinary, I know we'd be equal if together but think he wants another extrovert right now who he can show off to his other friends and take to parties. Infp not quite the socialite. He's the only person in our group I'm really into, so he sees me being uninvolved with other people so not in my best light. I make the most effort with him but I'm most shy around him as well...frustrating. Anyway thanks for your reply. -- Anonymous
A3 As an INFP I would tend to think that an ENFJ would be out of my reach....i would bottle up around people of this type as they're so funny and charismatic...they always draw people around them. The biggest problem for me is that I feel inadequate, and 'why on earth should i think they would be attracted, and amused/entertained by me?' Extroverts seem to thrive around other extroverts, in social settings, and I guess it makes me sad as I realise I will never provide as much 'entertainment' as extroverts around me. The fact I'm caring, easy-going, great listener...sometimes I feel it's not worth much! I guess I want someone who makes me feel as though I'm funny and charming as well...not just someone who's 'sweet, dependable and caring' I want someone to think I'm fun and adventurous too. I am! It's just I'm more reserved in how i go about it. Plus, I'm walked over as I don't have the confidence when I'm in a room full of people with big personalities. But good luck to you...do your research! I know exactly how you feel...Make sure you go for someone who resonates the qualities you're talking about above. -- Penny
A4 Well, i've just descover i'm INFP, i'm happy to know that i'm not the only one that feels like i do. I read that everyone are ultimately atracted by his/her opost. I've noticed in my life(i'm 32) that now i'm much aware of this fact even before i read about it. But im my own example, i learned that i like extroverted women to give a coloured activity in my life and believe in me passionatly, but carefull enough not to hurt my principles and feelings or violate my space..so i ultimatly don't hurt noone also. I had a relationship with a extroverted and SHE aproached me(obviously hehe) cause i was tender, reserved..well i don't know exactly her thoughts. What i want to say basicaly is that we shouldn't be scared in anyway about the choices others will make about us, and we should realize that as we love extroverteds of some kind to balance us, they also need us. We all (no matter what profile we fit in) should move to personal growth and assume our particularities(weaknessess/strenghts) and unevitably find someone suitable for us. Excuse my bad english.. it's not my main language -- Nuno
A5 Another ENFJ perspective. Close friends/one-on-one time gravitate toward xNFx, xNTx and ESFJ/ISTJ. Relationships predominantly IxTx. For group activities/passing acqaintances: E's. -- Anon
A6 Extroversion and Introversion are not solid. Yes we are one. Either E or I. Because there can be only one type. But we both have also gotten the other mechanisms in us. Each extrovert has introverted side. Each introvert has extroverted side. This all is much more complex. But as one thing, you have your secondary function too. This is your opposite. Introverts have extroverted secondary. Extroverts have introverted secondary. So introvert can learn to use it's secondary function to be more extroverted. They too have extroverted side in themselfs.Like extroverts need to learn to be introverted. Changing type to another type, on the other hand can cause very serious ilnesses. But becoming from E to I and I to E, is something we all need to do sometimes. And introverts can use it to become into more social. Though many introverts are very extroverted. Like ISFps for example. In traditional sence, they often are extroverts. You need to bare in mind, that socionics idea of these concepts are a bit else than avaregly we concider them to be. It goes mainly around on what is one's strongest function. -- jsb
A7 I'm an INFP too! I know how difficult it is to be an INFP in the dating world. I have trouble expressing myself in the initial "flirting" period (and often beyond). I found it difficult to mesh with my peers in high school. Dating was out of the question. But through good friends and a blunt mother I learned that I came across as 'distant' and 'uninterested', when really I was 'terrified’ and 'shy'. A lot of times I thought my feelings were clear and it didn't even register a blip on their radar. You're an INFP so I'm guessing you have a couple of close friends or family members that you trust. Ask them how you come across. It might be that he likes you but he has absolutely no clue that you like him back (as is the case with me, constantly). I hope that was helpful. -- -dr
A8 I'm an INFP with a close ENFJ friend. We're both in our early 20s. We share a similar sense of humour and we're able to have quite 'deep' and/or interesting conversations. He seemed to think I was quite strange at first and I was hard to get to know. Over a year later we get on really well and spend a lot of time together. He seems to find me interesting, although comments that I'm not enthusiastic enough. He finds it hard to understand that I feel a lot but don't demonstrate this easily. I think he knows I'm a good person though. The only negative things I can think about him are his 'charming' behaviour which appears to me to be a bit manipulative at times. I don't act really friendly towards people I bitch about. This behaviour in others makes me mistrust them. Also, his strongly held views sometimes conflict with my values. We seem to get on really well, you just need time to let the ENFJ in. The one I know seems very social so this shouldn't be too hard if they like you at all. -- Anonymous
A9 I'm a male INFP with enough dating experience to share a couple of tidbits. First off, there ARE gender differences between types (INFP or no) that remain tangible despite our best efforts to circumvent them (most notably, men are still expected to initiate conversation, be it flirtatious or not, with women). Here, of course, lies the rub for most INFP men, who would rather have an overly gregarious extraverted woman do this sort of gruntwork. However, in my experience, INFPs who go for it are usually quite successful, provided they believe enough in themselves to accept that not everybody we approach is going to be long-term relationship material. It really does pay to keep in mind that the worst trying can do is result in failure - it's definitely not a life or death experience. INFPs by and large have good reads on the opposite sex and usually intuitively know whether there is any real potential within a few minutes. The other thing that I must stress here is that any guy, INFP or not, will most definitely appreciate a woman who makes her own advances and approaches a guy. Make no mistake, men love to know that they are attractive as much as women do. In my own case, a woman who can make me laugh shortly after we meet indicates things are on the correct path. If she shows warmth and at least a bit of intuition, I know I've found somebody special. -- Chris
A10 I love most INFps. The majority of my friends are introverts. Te and Ne dominants tend to be too much of an overload for my world, I think. ... 'cept maybe some ENTjs. -- Jadae
A11 INFPs attract us ENFJ types by LOVING us. It's really that simple. I'm an ENFJ female who married an INFP male. And I have to say there was no problem in their being an attraction. I also find that the people I really truly love and are close to me are INFPs. You guys rock so don't feel like you have 'be' other than you are. It's who you are that we love. Just let us see you; and then maybe we'll turn down the charm and just watch what happens next! -- Anonymous
A12 To be loved and to know it and told it as often as possible.. I'm an ENFJ and just hearing someone say that and mean it makes everything better. -- Curty
A13 I am an ENFJ male and i think that we are very attracted to INFP, sometimes we might think that the INFP does not show any interest to us only because they might be a little shy and thefore we might not think they are interested in us. But as far as I know we LOVE people with Introvert Feeling(INFP/ISFP) as their primary funtion. We can also sense that only INFP can make us truly happy in our relationship becuase they are very romantic inside and we LOVE it! -- Anonymous
Moderator's comment
INFp/ISFp both have strong Extroverted Feeling in Socionics
A14 i read thru till A6, and then i stopped. 'use second function to be extraverted, if u introverted'. ya, true, and what A4 had to say, was actually the right balance to take for these situations. It was actually while i was vibing with what A4 had to say, that i realized the error of the A6 post. Take for example this story, which i will list rather than give structural analysis. I have noticed extraverts (esfp i'd guess) in places like university, and the tendency for these extraverts was and is, to seek space, they therefore seem rather individualistic,...and it makes the score for an INTP such as myself even more, for that is somebody buying into my system, and become more experienced with the ropes. Oh, when i do show extraversion, it is evil, for it demonstrates my assesment of the situation, and is quite striking, dare, i too say, it makes the esfps more restive, as they know the 'rightness' yet they would dare to tread there, and know that i pushed the communial good. Look for mature people, if u guys talk like that, u still to immature to enjoy relationship, relax abit, enjoy life, and soon u will grow into the vision -- @sirac
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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