| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
| | Join now! |
Who is who?Learn how to convert between different systems
V.I.An introduction into the widely used Socionics Visual Identification technique
TestsA collection of Socionics related tests and quizes
Q & AsAsk a Socionics related question or provide an answer to an existing one
ArticlesVarious articles on the subject of Socionics and Types in general
ForumsWant to discuss Type? Head to Socionics Forums!
|
| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1155111898 | Wednesday, 9-Aug-2006 |
|
|
| do extroverts stick with extroverts when young, only realising the long term worth of introverts with maturity? specifically how would an infp attract a fun-loving enfj -- Anonymous |
|
| A15 I'm an INFP and my two longest relationships were with women I believe were "E" of some variety. They were successful and driven women, who both worked their way up to high-pay, high-profile positions. I almost always end up dating women that are independent and outspoken. It seems to me that I am a welcome calm spot in their lives, to be one of the few people with whom they feel they can let down their guard, and pour out their secret fears and hurts. One of the two I mentioned ended up marrying a man in her 30s who is eerily similar to me in temperament. Don't fall into the typically negative assumptions about "introversion"...I have friends, can handle myself in a social settings, and am generally "happy go lucky." I think the "E" women I've been with have liked (at first, anyway!) that I'm calm, composed, know myself, and am not put-off by women with strong personalities. -- Anonymous |
| A16 I am an INFP male and currently seeing a ENFJ girl, we're both in our 20's and we're VERY good friends for many years before we became more 'involved.' I believe that in many things we are polar opposites however are able to use these distinguishing features as a strength to be appreciated. From my point of view i'm attracted to her outgoing personality, her ability to make me smile and laugh and the promotion of her strong values from the heart. I sometimes struggle to ponder why she is attracted to me in return, I believe that I have the ability to make her feel comfortable and confident, to lend an ear to her when required and to make her feel special and loved, which I do with all my heart and strength. -- Pete |
| A17 thanks Chris (A9). i have such a HUGE problem getting a date with anyone. i work in an all male organization (a military unit) and i don't go to any classes (may start though just to meet someone) and, apparently i'm either not attractive enough for a woman to walk up and start a conversation with, or i'm "too attractive" and they're scared. it could just be, like you said, that the men are expected to be the ones that do all the gruntwork. by the way, i love that term - gruntwork - that's EXACTLY how i see it. i know i'm supposed to be confident, powerful, and safe. i know that i'm supposed to play some kind of courting game. truth is, i just don't understand why i can't just walk up to an attractive woman in target and say something like, "hey, you look like someone i think i would like to get to know. let's have coffee sometime and talk..." i've done this almost 50 times and it has NEVER worked. is this approach REALLY that weird? how else am i supposed to meet someone? what is the game that i need to play? i have yet to meet anyone through my own hobbies. should i take 'basket-weaving' classes just to meet someone?? that seems rather limiting... why is it that people can't seem to talk to strangers? i'm an introvert for crying out loud and i'm sure many of you can imagine what i have gone through to come out of my shell and walk up to over 50 total strangers and ask them out cold turkey. NOT in my nature. i've learned a lot, but sadly, one of those things is that it doesn't work. i'm sure i'm WAY off topic here, but i'm a little desperate... thanks -- ~jason |
| A18 Wicked honest post, Jason (A17) and I definitely hear where you are coming from. I'm a 29 year old male INFP that has been where you are and spent the last couple years researching attraction and dating and I think I might be able to help you out (and possibly other INFP males). First off lets get a couple of the important dating facts out of the way, especially the ones that our idealism may hide from us. One, being an INFP is a huge disadvantage for a guy. When meeting women, a guy's personlity can really make up for a lacking in the looks department, but as INFP's, we are very tentative to show off any personality and when we do it can come off as weird, or at best, different. Also, our intense fear of rejection and strong self criticism only discourages us from approaching enough girls to compensate for our less attractive qualities. Jason, you mention that you are not sure if girls aren't approaching you because you are unattractive or "too attractive". Bad news, you're not attractive (or at least not "hot"). Welcome to the team; we're not the best with the ladies, but surpring good at dodgeball. Girls will communicate their interest in you if they are attracted to you, even the shy ones. It's hard to hear and it took me a long time to admit this to myself, but the numbers don't lie (so to speak). Try not to buy into anyone's cheer you up talk, especially from women that will reassure that you are attractive and you just need to find the "right one". Next time a girl tries to sell you that bull**** ask her the last time she f'd a guy like you. Harsh, but what you need is the truth not another fairy tale to feed your classic INFP idealism. So now what? Well you have learned one very important and useful piece of information: unless you get really lucky, nothing will change. Read about what women actually do find attractive. Read the science behind the seeminly bizarre fact that girls are attraced to the jerk and the bad boy. Books on human evolutionary biology will be a good start. Learn why your, "you look like someone i think i would like to get to know. let's have coffee sometime and talk" approach does not work for guys that aren't Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. Learn what attributes about yourself and your INFP personality that girls would be attracted to. A great resource is "The Game", by Neil Strauss. I highly recommend it, especially the first half which details the story of a guy much like you or I that learned to become an attractive male and master pick up artist. Unfortunately, Jason, "nice guys" do finish last, helpfulness and kindness are not attractive to women and pretty much every stereotype about attraction between men and women is true. It might sound like that to see the light yuou have to join the dark side, but reality is just reality and it doesn't take sides. A male INFP that doesn't see how they come off in coversations and how women may judge them is at a huge disadvantage, a male INFP that understands social dynamics can be king. The king is in you Jason, learn how to bring it out. Cheers -- Alexander |
| A19 LOL at A18. Me and my friends like to read those stupid pick up artist books cause we think its funny and have a laugh if a guy tries that on us. Just be yourself and be genuine. Start with good intentions because girls can almost always tell when a guy is a) desperate (this tells us: any goddamned girl will work! you're nothing special) b) only wants to f'ck (huge no no! where's the human who loves his mom inside that animal for crying out loud!) c) aggressive demeanor ("you give me what I want NOW!" attitude doesn't really move us.. we're not obligated to give you anything the first time you meet us, act like it) Make us feel special. Show us you care. Different girls like different approaches.. thats why we all are compatible with only a certain type of people. For me personally, if a guy who I never met comes up to me and shows that he feels - you are amazing and NO ONE else can do and I've NEVER met anyone like you - i'll be more than happy to go for coffee no matter what he says (as long as its not appropriate). BTW I've seen HOT guys (and I mean the HOTTEST ones) approach girls and start talking and then they ruin it by saying "soo you wanna take a break from studying and come to my place and make out?" usually girls stare at them disgustingly and turn them down and then they complain to friends ".....it SUCKED cause he was cute and everything but he turned out to be like THAT... what kind of a girl did he think I was anyway??" -- Anonymous |
| A20 I dont know whats up with some guys remaining little teenagers that just hit puberty and sex is all that matters to them and drool at girls. Grow the fudge up. -- Anonymous |
|
|
| A21 I agree with A19. Some girls are easy but other girls who want serious relationship really need the guy to make us feel special. That's VERY important. With so many jerks out there...some of us have put a guard up (like me) if a guy takes initiative to come up to me,then that tells me there's an interest(I like that) but i have to FEEL a genuine interest coming from them. I am apalled and turned off by immature jerks. Spontaneous, fun-loving, and "I got your back, I'm here for you" attitude is preffered over jerks anyday.... I hope that helps -- INFP girl |
| A22 OT: if you show you actually like a chick, and have chemistry and stimulating conversations and all that crap. you're just gonna end up becoming friends with them. women go for men with less sympathy because it's a more winning trait today(if you are a tiger you don't want tiger kids without teeth right?), that's regardless of what socionics types it involves. sterotypical assumptions about how opposite gender is supposed to be in modern society is heavier than what people subconsiously are looking for in someone. if i want a girlfriend i can:A beat someone up or do something illegal or whatever that shows i believe im too good to get arrested or think about consequences(manipulation and lying just for the hell of it also works). B: simply walk up to someone at a party or bar (your local breeding ground) and ask if they want to go have sex. then if want to keep her, i never ever ever show i care about her. this is something incredibly ironic and Fn retarded about people in general, to be attractive i act repulsive. and the worst part is that it works like a charm. ... :/ -- diogenes |
| A23 I'm an entp. Having become obsessed with socionics and myers-briggs a few years ago, I've tried to figure out practically all of my current and past friends and boyfriends' personality types. I've come to the shocking (at least to me) conclusion that I've gravitated towards introverts most of the time. I have/had extraverted friends as playmates, but the ones who've lasted and/or who have "connected" with me(platonically and romantically), have been mostly introverts. One reason is probably that, as an ENTP, I like my space and independence and so do introverts. I've also gravitated towards intuitive introverts for their creativity and eccentric humor. -- entpreter |
| A24 how do you guys know whether your a P or J. I definitely know I am an INF but the rest is confusing. I thought that I was an INFP but personally tests have shown both the INFJ and INFP -- Anonymous |
| A25 My friends and dates have always been introverts. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
|
| Would you like to add anything? |
(When posting, we ask you to make the effort to qualify your opinions.)
|
|
