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Question #1330846988Sunday, 4-Mar-2012
Category: Attraction Duality Dating ENFp ISTp
Hey, I'm an enfp, nothing new here. This topic is probably way overdone, I'm sort of dating this guy who is an istp.. I haven't dated in a while, and I really like him, but I'm also scared to open up. any personal narratives on why istps and enfps work in relationships together? It would be nice to hear some positive feedback. Also, what do istps love about the enfp lovers??? -- Anonymous
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Your Answers: 1+
A1 ISTP and ENFP relations are relations of duality so they work out very well. I know an ENFP lady who's been previously married to an ISTJ ( conflict) for several years and following a very traumatic divorce tried to find a guy, unsuccessfully for several extra long years. She visited all those seminars on relationships and interaction, and even went so far as to take courses in spirituality. However, she never meet up with a guy who she felt good with or totally compatable in the long term. A couple of her temporarily boyfreinds turned out utter losers. Then she did MBTI and socionics and realized that none of the guys she dated were her duals ( or any other complimentary type for that matter) so she tried that, going out with an ISTP man and now they're getting married in July. So pretty much it's an amazing match Perhaps the not dating in a while contributes to your inability to fully open up so fast, it will go once you've gone out with him longer, as you ( hopefully) form a connection on a deeper emotional and physical level. As for your last question, i don't know - i'm ESFJ. You should continue with him, and i'm sure it will become very obvious in a while... -- Anonymous
A2 The ISTP needs long time to sort his emotions out. Follow him persistently.



-- jgbr
A3 ISTP and ENFP relations are relations of duality so they work out very well. I know an ENFP lady who's been previously married to an ISTJ ( conflict) for several years and following a very traumatic divorce tried to find a guy, unsuccessfully for several extra long years. She visited all those seminars on relationships and interaction, and even went so far as to take courses in spirituality. However, she never meet up with a guy who she felt good with or totally compatable in the long term. A couple of her temporarily boyfreinds turned out utter losers. Then she did MBTI and socionics and realized that none of the guys she dated were her duals ( or any other complimentary type for that matter) so she tried that, going out with an ISTP man and now they're getting married in July. So pretty much it's an amazing match Perhaps the not dating in a while contributes to your inability to fully open up so fast, it will go once you've gone out with him longer, as you ( hopefully) form a connection on a deeper emotional and physical level. As for your last question, i don't know - i'm ESFJ. You should continue with him, and i'm sure it will become very obvious in a while... -- Anonymous
A4 thanks a3 =] and in response to a2, yeah we have been getting closer for the past 2 months, but he never talks about his feelings. I feel like I'm playing a role with him, or that he is playing a role with me. I can't tell whether he is angry or not, or whether he is bored, or whether he is feeling anything. It's just the same, all the time, except sometimes when I ask to have a serious conversation, and then he always cuts it short. I dont know, are these types of things really too intense for him? If I ask him that question, I think he might get offended. I'm driven to get him to open up to me and I guess that's where the challenge lies. I am very passionate about making this work. But I'm hoping that it actually does get better than this and that he's not going to be some huge mystery forever. That is not a turn-on. It is a TURN-OFF. I don't like all this passionate, time-consuming stuff. He told me he wants a stable, monogamous relationship with me, and I sense that he is actually hinting that we could have a future together and that's exactly what I love about him-that he is so sincere and genuine. But at the same time, I want to be more connected to him. I don't just want him in my life, I want to interact directly with him, and it just seems like from what I've read around here about ISTp's that they are very very minimal when it comes to connecting with other people. This I don't understand, and I'm hoping that it is not true for this particular ISTp I'm dating. I don't know why I'm spending so much time trying to figure him out either. Can someone explain to me? -- Anonymous
A5 Read Tieger and Baron-Tieger's "Just Your Type" It explains all the types (in much more detail than this site) and what they will/will not be able to contribute to a relationship - in ANY combination. -- an ENFP who has studied this for the past 15 years
A6 An an ISTP, one of my favorite tactics for someone being 'minimal' like that when I'd to discuss a topic, is to cut to the chase. If you ask a serious question and he brushes you off, frown in concern, look sad and ask something like "Do you not want to discuss this for some reason?". If he brushes you off with this one, something like "Because this is something I'd really like to learn about you." The key here is NOT to seem angry or like you're trying to goad him into a particular conversation (and you DO need to drop it if he still pushes back after that), but to seem genuinely very concerned and curious as to WHY he doesn't want to talk about something. And honestly, this can be just as revealing. Personally, I love this kind of straightforwardness because I have so much respect for it. It also reminds him that you're not just making idle conversation - which ISTPs tend to dislike - and that you actually care very much about the answers you're getting. For me, it usually leads to some of the most personal insights that I've been willing to share with people. Just some food for thought. Good luck! -- Lena
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