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Question #1285353967Friday, 24-Sep-2010
Category: INTj Relationship Dating Attraction Love
People in relationships with INTJs, how did those relationships come about for you? I'm an INTJ, and intellectually I'm thinking it's about time to start dating. I'm not entirely inexperienced, but I haven't had a whole lot of luck. What I'd like is an actual relationship, not a bunch of first dates that go nowhere. Basically I'm asking how I can best improve my chances. What got you interested in your INTJs? Did you go after them, or did they go after you? -- Anonymous
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A1 I am a intuitive INTJ subtype dating a ESFJ sensing type for the past eight months. She saw me at breakfast at the college cafe every morning sitting by myself doing homework. I was friends with one of her other friends, and she had no one to sit with the one morning because her girlfriend was sick, so she asked to sit with me. So we started sitting with each other for a few weeks until we started dating. It just happened. It is difficult to find your duel if you don't have a model to understand their tendencies of what they might do, where they go, and so on. Stereotyping may cause problems in typing. For example, my girlfriend is constantly in the library studying and isn't as social as I am. But the reason for that is her mother constantly guilt trips her over the phone, so she "feels" she has to spend more time studying than necessary. Her super-id is and college demands a lot of that so she is going to spend most her time trying to work on her weaknesses, but still she is only going to get mediocre results for the time she puts in. I don't need as much time studying as she does because I catch onto the material faster, so I spend time at the gym or running, or going to activities to work on my Super Id . Advice: This is for the intuitive or sensing judging subtypes. (I believe they work on their weaknesses more than their strengths like a logical or ethical subtype). 1)Make a list of all your natural abilities 2)take your strongest abilities, and assume the person you want to date will spend a lot of their "free time" working on what you can "naturally do without trying." 3)Observe people who fit that category. and For Thinking and Feeling Judging subtypes 1)Make a list of all your weakness 2)take your WEAKEST abilities, and assume the person you want to date will spend a lot of their "free time" working on what on abilities they can "naturally do without trying and you have difficulties with. 3)Observe people who fit that category. or Just let things happen when they happen. Forcing it will always feel forced. -- ~Spike
A2 INTJ can chase but do poorly at this. better the INTJ be chased. -- Anonymous
A3 A1, I had some difficulty understanding your points towards the end (in part because of some typos), are you saying judging types (me) should look for people who work hard on my strongest and weakest abilities? Anyway, I hope some non-INTJs respond with their experiences dating INTJs. -- Anonymous
A4 Both A1 and A2 make good points. Thankfully for INTj's, their dual is a go-get-'em type that will have no trouble approaching them if they are interested. However, I think INTj's are better at approaching people they have slightly more in common with. ENFp's are warm and inviting and also open to discussions on philosophy, literature, etc. In an academic setting, INTj's could have a much better chance "easing up" to them than any other type. -- Random INTj
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A5 I (female entp) am in a relationship with an intj..our relationship came about from being casual friends in highschool to running into eachother/reconnecting 5 years later, I liked who he had become, he had matured into the kind of guy I was looking for & I intiated the relationship although I could tell he was interested. As an intj, I think some key things would be seeking out people who are compatable with you, rather than just taking what comes your way, so maybe a small level of pickiness? I have a feeling that both girls or guys who are compatable with intjs are the type that dont mind "chasing".. so if you are not really into intiating, thats okay. Just a general opinion I have, regardless of personality type, is to look to/@ friends as potential people to date, or maybe having a more casual freinship first, this can help to put a relationship on a longterm course. It let off the pressure and help ensure that things might not just end after one encounter. Just be obvious (and comfortable )about who you are and the person/people who likes those intj traits (such as me)will pick up on that right away. And sometimes it takes a little time finding the right one & thats okay..... -- Anonymous
A6 I'm a female INTp and have been dating an INTj for three years now. We met doing something we both love (singing in a choir) and it was almost like "love at first sight". We had a very rocky beginning because I wasn't quite as into him as he was into me, but he was very stubborn and after two years I finally became his girlfriend. I don't know much about socionics or how our relationship is shaped by our types, but it has been very difficult because we see things in very different ways. However, we love to talk things out and understand our conflicts. So, to answer your question: he came after me at first, but then I had to do some chasing. Our mutual interests is what brought us close together. -- Anonymous
A7 My boyfriend is INTp in Socionics but might classify as INTJ in MBTI. We met on a Christian "lonely hearts" website and his post suggested he's introverted and intuitive, and I liked that. We exchanged e-mails for a long time before we first met, it turned out we have similar values and hobbies, and I expressed my support on several occasions when he had some problems. I think that helped him be more comfortable with the blind date (which then went extremely well). Like A6, I recommend looking for someone with similar interests - you might try meetings of people who are into the same stuff as you are, that would solve the problem of finding conversation topics -- ESFp
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