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| Question #1262098452 | Tuesday, 29-Dec-2009 |
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| What have you experienced in conflicting relations (those who are the four letter opposite of you)? What are your general opinions of these types of people? -- Anonymous |
Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 Experiencing conflict has nothing to do with your opinion of the person or your first impression of them... I am an ENFp and I was really really attracted to an ISTj. There was mad attraction and admiration between us... It's hard to explain the conflicting part but I think this website description is exactly what happened to me... We seem to make each other feel bad about how they behave when they are at their most natural self... even if we try to accomodating and understanding for a while because of the intense attraction. We don't quite understand why the other person does a thing a certain way but we try to ask and find out how they reason about it. I think it's mainly the P/J that truly makes the other person's actions alienating. At first he was very patient and trying to be non-judgmental... But as the relation grew, it seemed we never agreed on little things and even if we didn't have an argument, there was some underlying conflict. In the end when we finally broke up, he told me all these things and I really found out that he was very judgmental of my character, not based on my values but on my actions and as an ENFp, he truly doesn't understand any of me. I know it's kind of confusing... But everything he takes pride in for example probably does not seems important qualities to me. So basically we're unable to appreciate the other person for their strength even if at first we try hard.. My cousin married my conflictor. We're very cordial to each other... I respect him. I don't think he is a bad person or anything like that at all. ISTj are just too serious and live their lives according to too much rigid principles for an ENFp. Now I can immediately type an ISTj or an ISTp. I will never date an ISTj ever again. I think that this ISTj was really a great boyfriend in comparison to the previous men I dated in terms of character and intentions and the way he treated me. But, psychologically, we are really incompatible... I was having a hard time moving on but finding out about socionics helped me tremendously. And it's amazing how your dual's presence feel in comparison, its night and day... I can't beleive some people marry their conflictor. It must be really frustrating... -- ENFp |
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| A2 I would also add that the trick is that a lot of times, opposites do attract. In a way, whether it is to our dual or our conflictor, we are attracted to the fact that most functions are opposite. Besides the fact that attraction has other factors than functions. But the longer the exposure to your dual, the more complementary you feel your differences are, while the longer the exposure to your conflictor, the less understood and more alien you feel. A concrete example is how I can easily be my silly self around ISTp and I know they'll totally like it, while with ISTj, my conflictor, I probably wouldn't allow myself to be too silly and I would be self-conscious because I feel how judgmental they would be, even if they try not to! And even without a word said. -- ENFp |
| A3 I'm not sure of my dual vs. conflictor vs. activity partner. In the past, I may have mistaken my conflictor more than once for either my dual or activity partner. At first, they merely phase me. Appear embarassingly ordinary. Then with time, our attraction grows to be magnetic and incredible. Then it feels like an initial feeling of activity relations once the personal relationship surprisingly begins. Yet we DO understand each other quickly, more easily than anyone, in our communications. It feels like neglected parts of our lives are now being faced and nourished through our interaction, and how we help one another. It is always exciting for a while (bad sign?). We also seemed to spur each other into action. We each confront areas of each of our lives we've been neglecting. Crises may come about in other areas of our life, as change ensues. Yet it always *felt* psychologically close as can be. A psychological nakedness. It always felt like an eros love: sparks and intimacy, vulnerability shared too. We admit to refreshingly feeling like our true selves when together. We each can now "shine" according to our strengths, and be mesmerized by each other sometimes in the process. We spark one another's point of confidence, maybe? However, each relationship grew more painful with time. Often it was built on a bad foundation, or was eventually viewed that way by myself and/or the other. The severing of ties for one, the other or both was always the (most) damaging part to ensue. It always took years to cope with the way relations ended, due to circumstances, and trying to heal strange new fears, emotionally. By contrast, I also once had a long relationship with someone nearly impossible to sever ties with. Our relations were kind, platonic, idyllic. We never, ever argued. Our rare "problem" communications remained calm, respectful, understanding. Despite our easy harmony, I thought things were too stagnant and feared I was missing out on my life and purpose somehow. I was bored all the time. I didn't think we were identical types. Our motivations and interests differed. Or could that have been my dual? It is said duals are never (terribly) bored with each other, yet I was intensely bored. Duals help each other in survival situations, yet he didn't seem to show much interest in my long range concerns. We were often hot/cold, romantically. By contrast, the first example relations (with those who were so different yet felt so close) repeatedly ended terribly in a way which endangered my livelihood on one level or another. Lover seemingly turned enemy, or something, to my own shock. The second example felt too secure yet boring and inhibiting to my self-expression as a person. What socionics relations were these examples? I have one more example, multiple relations now experienced of the same form. The initial feeling is of a deep intimacy like we are soul partners. Feels like we are among the "few" who can understand each other and one another's trials. Often, "You and me against the world." Somehow, we seem to take care of the other's basic survival needs just by being ourselves and living our own lives. It feels like the other might have a form of protection due to their nature and experiences which I cannot easily supply for myself. But then later comes the problems of each expecting the other to meet our mutual needs in the relationship, yet nothing is happening. We wait on each other to make the big move and "do" it. We both observe "the need" quietly and wait until the confrontation of misunderstanding roles erupts. This misunderstanding may lead to lack of progress, a severing of ties, feelings of futility or resignation, or else lots of angry argumentation. But there is a psychological closeness and mutual understanding of each other's basic natures. Often, regret over one or two of the other partner's weaknesses can develop over time. Feeling like you have to pick up "too much of the slack" from their end of nonfulfillment to make things work. Feelings of stability, yet a slow, measured achievement of goals - if attainable at all. So which three types of socionics relations have I described here? -- Anonymous |
| A4 My experience with INTjs and our mutual relationhsips is not especially bad, as neither of us usually feels the need to communicate with each other. What stands out to me about these relationships is that each partner lives in a totally different world, so the communication is extremely difficult - you mean to please the other and s/he understands it as an insult. Also, your Dual stays in your memory for a long time, sometimes the longer, the better you remember them, while it is difficult to remember your Conflicting partner, the way they look, speak, think. An INTj guy was my quarrellsome, yet still the best childhood friend who taught me how to play football and got me interested in Native Americans. But I did have some conflicts with two INTj girls but we always soon realized it wasnt worth to keep in contact and separated peacefully. Probably my only depressing and draining experience with my Conflicting type, or at least something that looked like it, has been here, on this site with @sirac (who considers himself an INTp but I think we arent Duals). My worst conflicts have been with ESTjs, ISTjs and ESFjs. Probably given our specific types because Sjs expect something different from people than ESFp behaviour. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
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