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| Question #1252672193 | Friday, 11-Sep-2009 |
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| I've read that we all have an "inferior" side, the weaker side. I've read of unique situations where people are raised to live through their inferior side and perform what has been referred to as "a falsification of type." I believe I'm one such case. I've taken many personality and temperament sorter tests, and I always come out as an INFJ. However, the most important and powerful parent in my life is an ESTP, and in retrospect I believe this parent influenced (basically demanded) that I live through my inferior side and in essence perform a falsification of type and behave like an ESTP. (It may be funny to note that when taking the various personality and type tests I have often felt that I should lie on the tests and not reveal my true feelings. I often think that if I followed this inner directive to lie on the tests and write down what I think I “should” write, I would come out as an ESTP.) The curious issue I face now is that I have found that I can now draw on my ESTP side when I need to. As an INFJ I can be overly sensitive, worry what people think of me, and want to do everything correctly. But sometimes when I realize that I'm pushing these INFJ qualities to an extreme, I can consciously "break through" to the ESTP inferior side and live through that side. It's an amazing experience because I can literally feel myself going from being overly preoccupied by what everyone is thinking about me, yearning for unconditional and universal brotherhood, to being extremely pragmatic and not caring what anyone thinks of me and pushing through to get undiplomatically get what I want and not caring who I hurt in the process. (I sometimes wonder if as a result of my upbringing where I lived through my inferior side I may actually be an XXXX type, if such a thing is possible.) Adding to the unusual circumstances of this all, I am a male INFJ and it was my mother who is the ESTP type. I've read that the INFJ is stereotypically a "feminine" type, and the ESTP is stereotypically a "masculine" type. The paradox for me is that when I behave in the ESTP manner, I feel I am operating through my feminine side. When I am behaving in my INFJ side I feel I am behaving through my masculine side. In other words, I feel that my ESTP side is both the more assertive aspect of my personality while also more linked to my feminine aspect. If I have a question in all of this, I suppose it is simply this: Does anyone have any thoughts on any of this? Does anyone have any similar experiences with this? In closing, I'd like to note that overall I am a happy person in life and I have found that in social interactions I am in fact happiest to allow my ESTP side to take charge. I went through a period where I told myself that I had to "get rid of" the ESTP aspect, but I now realize that I need to accept all aspects of myself and history, and due to my history this is an important part of who I am and I find life nearly impossible without this aspect (ESTP) of myself. Thanks! -- Anonymous |
Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 I can relate to this, being a female INFj who grew up with an ESTp father. and being conflictors, we fought all the time. this meant I had to witness Se in the worst form possible. the more he directed Se at me, the more I wanted to get rid of it, in myself, and in the world. (to me, being a Jainist or Buddhist was the ideal). and I'm sure the more Fi I directed towards him, the more he wanted to get rid of it in himself. this led to this never ending cycle of him hardening himself, and me weakening myself, in an EXTREMELY unhealthy manner. Ironically, when I left home for college, I began to use Se, and kind of liked it. this is the "break through" to ESTp that you spoke of. BUT the difference (IMO) is that when an INFj uses Se, it's not to cause panic in others or "take charge" of a crisis like an ESTp does. instead, an INFj (when healthy and balanced) uses it to advocate for themselves and their ideas/desires, to stop being afraid of the world, and to find love and happiness with it, and WORLD PEACE... ha, ha sorry, I just felt like throwing that in there. =) I don't believe this is addressed in socionics, but it should be. because when it comes to trying to type oneself, an INFj might go, oh no that's not me because I've used Se in my life. even though INFj seems the most plausible, they still won't choose it because of that very reason. Well, those are just my thoughts. could be wrong, and I'm actually an ENFp speaking of an ENFp "break through" with Se. and I agree that when I've been the happiest in my life, I HAVE used Se. -- *INFj* female or ENFp |
| A2 That's exactly how I use my ESTP side, when I need confidence. It can be pretty amazing. It's a bit mind boggling. I can go from being an INFJ who is nearly paranoid about wanting everything to think they are perfect and thoughtful, to being an ESTP who just could not care less what anyone thinks of them because it ultimately amounts to nothing. -- Anonymous |
| A3 regarding the original post, perhaps you associate ESTP with the feminine because through your upbringing, the most prominent woman in your life was an ESTP. Repeated exposure of those two constructs in unison may have made it natural in your mind to associate those two constructs. -- Anonymous |
| A4 What was your question? I mean you don't sound like an ESTp. It might be interesting if you made a counter post as your ESTp persona. -- Anonymous |
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| A5 As an ENTP with a ISFJ mother I very much agree with this idea. My mother is way too controling and stressed out about everything I do, but it has helped me out in life. I have a decent work ethic, and am more organized than a regular ENTP, or than I would of been without my mother. My mother couldn't do much about my lack of sensing, resulting in strong absentmindedness and losing things regularly. However much we argue and contradict each other, she has been a good influnce on my life. I just wish she wasn't so easily stressed out and on my case. So ISFP instead of ISFJ really. -- Anonymous |
| A6 A4 - A "counter post" from my ESTP persona? Here it is: writing about personality types is a waste of my time! -- Anonymous |
| A7 A3: I didn't mean to write that the ESTP is a feminine personality type. I meant to write exactly what you wrote: that I've come to associate the ESTP type with femininity. The irony I was getting at is this: to larger society, a person who exhibits ESTP traits is more likely thought of as masculine; to larger society, a person who exhibits INFJ traits would be thought of as feminine. For me, it's the opposite: my mother is an ESTP; I'm a male INFJ. Reversed. -- Anonymous |
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