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Question #1241817547Friday, 8-May-2009
Category: Dating Duality INTp ESFp
I'm an INTp with a huge crush on an ESFp, my dual, and he told me likes me too - here's the thing, though, he's the most fickle person I've ever met (hence the type). He hasn't been so good to his recent girlfriends either. He is also not asking me out, even though he's been flirting really heavily the last few times we hung out. Here's my question: How do I hold on to this guy?? Is he going to drop me like an old sock after a month as in his last few relationships?? I feel like I can't remain interesting for too long, especially compared to the uncontrollable girls he's been dating. -- miserable in michigan.
Your Answers: 1+
A1 How old is he? ESFps tend to be fickle when they are young, until the age of roughly 25 they usually dont know what they really want. After this age, they usually manage to develop their Fi at least to some point, make their values clear to themselves and decide to settle down. So I would advice you, dont go for it unless he calms down a bit. Especially because you know he didnt treat his girlfriends well. (Which sounds unusual to me because all ESFp guys I know are almost aristocratically polite to their girlfriends and very proud of them, but well, there are exceptions to everything. What also sounds weird is that he dated uncontrollable girls, I havent heard of ESFps doing something like this before. We like communicating with shy and introverted people most.) -- Ezis (ESFp)
A2 I am an INTP. Just be yourself. Stay home, read, cook. Don't be jealous or worry. Don't force yourself to go out too much or watch his stupid tv programs or games. Make him wear headphones and curl up with a book and cup of tea and make him light the fireplace. Stay centered and happy. It is your energy he is attracted to so feed that...don't lose it. Keep your book budget fed, making sure he treats you to fresh books instead of action movie tickets. Make sure he does lots of difficult chores for you and does the dishes. Stay happy, keep up your hair and get pedicures and massages. He'll stick around...oh, make sure you fostor some online relationships with some intj's on, or other free type websites...that will keep your mind fed and him on his toes. Plan a cruise vacation with him. (look for an ESTP, ISTP or ISFP next time...if you must have an sp...) -- INTPatricia
A3 Firstly: "he is also not asking me out," - is it entirely his responsibility to make sure that you get what you want, or is it yours? Is it not within your power to ask him out? Ultimately, the only way to see (no guarantees) if something will work between people is to communicate it; if you want him, let him know. Secondly: "How do I hold on to this guy?" - is he an object to be possessed and owned? Can you control him in any way? I would suggest that you take some time to personally analyze yourself if you do not answer "no" to the above 2 questions with complete honesty. He's not a possession, and he cannot be controlled in any way by you, and if you have thought patterns in which you believe that to actually be the case, then you're setting yourself up for misery down the road. Thirdly: "Is he going to drop me like an old sock after a month as in his last few relationships??" - this is not something you can predict, or as addressed in the above point (#2) be controlled. Maybe he will, maybe he won't, who's to know until it happens?. Are you prepared if it is the case that he does leave? If you're not prepared to deal with such an outcome, would it be wise to enter the situation? Lastly: "I feel like I can't remain interesting for too long, especially compared to the uncontrollable girls he's been dating." - this will become true if you think it to be. You're already self-sabotaging. The question becomes; can you be 100% yourself and be happy with this person? Even if that yes, remember still that it's entirely up to him to decide to take the other step with you. You can only ever be yourself. -- Anonymous
A4 I personally wouldn't consider a fickle person worthy of my anything in the first place. -- ENTp
A5 From what you've said so far, it's not sounding so great. Don't wait around for him, if he's not moving fast enough for you, just go find something else. I had a similar thing with a male INTp, and it ended up not working out. Those young gamma boys can be heartbreakers!! -- ISFj Courtney
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A6 I have answered this question already but the more I think about it the less it seems possible that the guy is an ESFp. If you conclude he is an ESFp because of his fickleness, then probably his type is not ESFp. MBTI ESFPs and the usual stereotype is that ESFPs are fickle, but the more ESFps I know the more convinced I am that Socionics ESFps are not. We are self-confident and active, but at the same time very shy and sensitive. We are fickle with our hobbies and places to live or travel (our S is extroverted), but not with people (the function that relates to people, F, is introverted in us). We have vivid S memory of people so it is difficult to forget them and our Fi makes it difficult to get used to someone new. So we can talk to many people, show off to many people, flirt with many people but not date many people. Sounds like the guy might be an EN or an ESFj unsure of himself. Even if this guy was unsure of himself, he couldnt be an ESFp, because ESFps when they are unsure of themselves they get depressed, hide in their homes reading psychology or theology books or ask all other people what to do, but usually dont change partners, that would confuse them even more. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A7 A fickle person with a preference for uncontrollable girls... That does it for me. I was always interested in their exes, to reveal patterns of behaviour and mentality. If negatives where found, I compared with the actual persons ditto qualities. If there was any resemblence there,... ejection time. -- ENTp
A8 Ezis, thank you so much for responding. I have been doubting my type but after reading your own personal descriptions of ESFp's I have come to realize that is who I am. I've never dated an uncontrollable person, I prefer those that are of a stoic nature that I can bring out of their shell. -- *ESFp*
A9 A8: I didn't know my comments were actually useful... that's great! Congratulations! -- Ezis (ESFp)
A10 Be careful because I am an intp and I tried to get with an esfp simply because he my dual. He lied his face off about everything to get me into bed. Once I gave in, he treated me like he didn't know me and told his friends that I was just a slut to sleep with. (I know because they are also my friends.) If I were you, I wouldn't believe what your esfp says unless you're sure. My aunt is an esfp and she taught me how to lie. My point is don't trust them! -- Hitavon
A11 A11: Take your time to decide if you can trust them or not. See what he invests his time in, that should speak for itself. There are compulsive liars among us, as well as almost painfully honest and decent people. I don't envy INTp's in this matter; we're difficult to figure out. -- ESFp
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of*
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