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Question #1225159857Tuesday, 28-Oct-2008
Category: ISFj INFj S/N Dating Intertype Relations
I'm 22 and I'm INFj. I fell in love with ISFj and we're a pair now. I'd like to know how to complement her needs. I know that it'd be perfect if I act like her dual ENTj but it would be difficult for me. I don't like to take risk, start something. I'm weak at organization etc. How can I interest her with my natural INFj abilities? What shall I do to maintain our relationship. I'm afraid that she will get bored and I'd like to know how can I activate her. Also I think that my abstract talking, head-in-clouds and impractical way of life are somewhat starving for her, because she's an S - type. Some advice, please? -- Anonymous
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A1 My sister (ISFJ) just married an INFJ (although he functions as an E a lot of the times) after they dated for four years. She adores him and him her. That's one example of why I think the MTBI or socionics compatibility advice should be taken with a grain of salt. She does tend to get annoyed with him and how impractical he is, but he grew up in a very strong SJ home, so he's used to strong SJ expectations, and is good at taking on responsibilities. She also gets annoyed with his 'ideals' about relationships, that can be harmful. Sometimes his ideals don't match the reality of life, which irritates my sister, because she wants him to be more realistic. She is sort of bossy with him sometimes, but he holds his own. What my sister loves about him is his creativeness (the rest of my family are strong NFs or NTs, so she's used to abstract talking and even functions as an N even though she really is an S.) Also, I'm an INFP and we are very close friends, so it makes sense she went for a similar personality type, I think. She loves his sense of humor, and unpredictability, and his caring and nurturing of others. They compliment each other well because both of them are people-oreiented and very nurturing. Although I could see my sister with an ENTJ type, I can't think of anyone more perfect for her than my INFJ brother-in-law. SO to charm this ISFJ girl, I say do what you can to be the 'respnsible type' but don't try and change your personality. Just do small things she'll appreciate. Also, a lot of the ISFJs I know have a 'plain-jane' syndrome, where they think they are boring and plain. Do what you can to show her you are fun and colorful (which most NFs are, so you shouldn't have a problem). If you need to offer her more Sensing function, maybe try finding a hobby you both like or just be there to listen to her. -- Anonymous
A2 Wow Thank you soooo much for your reply. Best wishes for your sister, her husband and you . Good to know that there is someone with similar situation. Yes, I think that theoretical relations between types should be taken with a grain of salt. I grew up in SJ house (my mother is ESFj that's why I know a little about taking responsibility. Also my girl is sometimes bossy with me but I don't mind that, I might say I even like it. They dated for four years! It's a long period of time. Thanks for your answer. It was calming and helpful. -- Anonymous
A3 p.s. they date for so long because she was 16 when they started and now almost 21. also, i think intertype relations are interesting, but i think theories should address HOW relationships work, rather than say which relationships are the 'best' good luck -- Anonymous
A4 I'm an ENTj. I wish I could find an ISFj, but it seems like my hundred mile a minute affect scares them off initially. -- Anonymous
A5 As an ISFJ female, I would say, if she sees that you are showing effort in loving her, she will appreciate it. Keep your lines of communication open, because without those, you'll go nowhere. The best way to show affection to an ISFJ is to express appreciation for what they contribute to your life. -- Anonymous
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