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Question #1206696667Friday, 28-Mar-2008
Category: S/N Advice
Hello, I have a question for both esfp & estp. I am a ENFj right now and for many years. I have always felt like I am a robot, maybe becuase extrovert feeling with introvert intuition has made me automatic in a fast pace world I live in(NYC). I have recently taken "here & now meditation" and I try it last night and I feel like I am completely in the moment. I dont know how long this will last becuase my mind always wander off some where else. Can any esfp and estp tell me how it is like living life by the moment as you guys have that as your first funtion "extrovert Sensing". -- Jas
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A1 Interesting...never thought about my Se much. Could you specify your question more? I will try to describe what Se is like in my case and please tell me if that was what you wanted, ok? Well basically it is like you cannot switch off your senses - my mind wanders somewhere else like yours sometimes, but I am very aware of my surrounding and able to react quickly to everything. Especially when I was younger I simply lived in my surrounding and it was very difficult to realize what opinions I have, what I think and feel. But I have most beautiful memories from my childhood of the nice flat we had, of animals I met, of parks we strolled through. But my behaviour was simply a set of reactions to the surrounding, a bit conducted by my Fi. Now its a lot more different, I reflect almost all the time and have very clear opinions in some areas, but I am still kind of outside, in what I see, not inside. My Si mother likes to describe me the nice sensation of warm dry grass or that she enjoys keeping the balance by her knees when standing in a train, but this feels almost sick to me - my way is to see the grass and the movements of the train and enjoy or balance it for it itself, not for the specific sensation it arouses in YOU. Being Se is wonderful for me because I am able simply to walk through a park and smell the roses and live with the trees and sing with the birds. Thats what keeps me alive. Its also an advantage because I can for example describe smells and sounds minutely, because I am kind of IN them. And when you see a person that needs help, Se is great because you can help them without thinking about it. On the other hand, it is a big disadvantage in unpleasant surrounding - when I am in a room with dark walls, I feel the darkness so much that I almost get sick. And when you see something interesting it is sometimes quite hard to resist the temptation to take it, because you simply see it and then you have it and you dont know how. But if you have a good sense of morality this usually starts and ends by stealing candies from your parents cupboard There is also "carpe diem" and "taking the best from every day" the way English romanticists did, which is perhaps the way many people understand Se, but this is something I dont identify with and think is unhealthy. When you are Se, you neednt make "living life by the moment" your deliberate programme. You simply live your life like anyone else, just with great concern to your surrounding. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A2 Thank you very much, that is just how buddhist wants to live their life, it is very hard for me to do so and it takes so much energy to put my mind in the here and now, eventually I get worn out and I stop trying to stay in the moment and surrounding, and I will go back to how I feel about the enviornment rather than sensing it, I need music to be playing 24/7. -- Jas
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A3 Oh something about extrovert sensing - always intrigues me First of all @A2: I guess that being in the moment has much to do with being able to pick up a given situation, evaluate it and come to a decision - and all of this rather quick. I am INFx so I am sorry that I can't provide any useful answer but i just wanted to say the following: I want to be in the moment, too, but I know I can't do this in the same way an ESFp does, because I have much different "ethic" and "value system" due to my functions being aligned differently. I'd like to know how to "train that muscle" though. Here how my way of being in the moment goes: I take in many details from my environmental surroundings as well as from my social surroundings, but often I can't evaluate them quickly enough or/and react quick enough, so e.g. an extrovert coworker of mine is regularily irritated by my "passive" manner, but in reality I do care a lot, I am just slow. Keeping pace with my extrovert friends is exhausting me, especially while we are walking to a pub or anything specific where you want to be, but dont have to be "in time" - for reasons I cannot fathom they usually hurry without looking left or right whereas I always look around and take everything in. They then say i am too distracted (head in the clouds and hanging behind) - but I aint - I hear every word they say and process it, I just don't look at them or dont answer "right away", because I need a second or two for providing a reply. I wonder if this is due to introvert intuition. When I try to concentrate on them without looking around I often feel lost, because I feel something is amiss, as if I don't get enough "information". I guess this is due to the introverted intuition? INFx -- Anonymous
A4 A2: Yeah, it might sound like that because in some sentences I have picked the most beautiful side of Se. Might be quite buddhist, but as far as I know, buddhists want to be at peace with the world and work and meditate patiently, which is far from the character of Se - I am more of an hyperactive choleric. Btw, if you are an ENFj, then Se is your Hidden Agenda, you might try reading something on it at socionics webpages. A3: Sorry, I dont know if this is due to the introverted intuition. I know some ISFjs and INFjs who told me something like you describe, so it might be more a result of combined I and j in your case. But its just a guess. As to Se, I would like to add that yes, Se is about "picking up a situation and evaluate it rather quick", but not about coming to a decision (this would be FeSi or TeSi more). Se does not help you come to a decision, it only helps you see and hear constantly and correctly, and also go after a goal you consider important without getting tired. But it really is of no use when you need to converse systematically. When in a conversation, I usually say something stupid very fast and afterwards, thinking about it, my Fi says: oh my, what WAS that? And when I give Fi the word, I sound shy, slow and inconsistent. So I dont feel being "distracted" during the conversation as a problem, we are all different. -- Ezis (ESFp)
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