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Question #1199104292Monday, 31-Dec-2007
Category: E/I Duality
Somewhere on this site, I'm not exactly sure where, it said that before two duals get together the introvert will likely think the extrovert is too good for them and the extrovert will likely think the introvert is too simple. Has this EVER been the case in reality? Because as an introvert I've never thought anyone was too good for me. And it even offended me a little to read that...it seems like there might even be an extrovert bias on this website. -- introvert
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Your Answers: 1+
A1 yes, always read for bias. it's just observation. there is probably a 'spiritual milestone disposition' thing, which eventually settles things onto another plain -- @sirac
A2 This has in fact been the case in reality, as I have experienced it directly. I suspect it has something to do with how confident and practiced one is with one's primary function. If one has grown up or lived for a long time with no one around who appreciates the fruits of his primary function (no fellow members of one's quadra), one begins to feel unfulfilled. Extraverts respond by becoming more outgoing and trying to find someone who will appreciate what they have to offer. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to turn inwards and take focus off of their primary function by relying on their weaker secondary functions. An introvert in that state will not feel worth much at all, because his primary function seems useless, and his secondary functions can't compete with those around him who have his secondary functions as their primaries. So the extravert can't the introvert's strengths because he's hiding them, and he doesn't feel worthy because he's judging himself based on his secondary functions rather than his primary. For example, I (an INTj) grew up in a very non-intellectual environment, where my main function (Thinking logically) was not seen as valuable or important. Eventually I stopped trying to impress people with my Thinking skills (since it never seemed to work), and tried using my other functions like Feeling (which I wasn't as good at). Now, when I meet a female ESFj (my dual), I have a very hard time believing that she will be interested in my logical prowess, since (almost) no-one else I know is. This of course leads to me thinking that she's too good for me. I assume you (the questioner) were fortunate enough to be born with family or friends in your quadra who appreciate your strengths, and never developed this problem. -- Anonymous INTj
A3 @A2: I'm sorry to hear that. I know what it feels like to have your strengths devalued. I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the INTjs out their and the logic that they contribute to the world. -- Anonymous
A4 @A3: Thank you. For some reason, even though you're just a random anonymous commenter on the Internet, your kind words are encouraging. -- Anonymous INTj
A5 I dont know if this was the case with any of my introverted dual friends, but yes, I have a dual friend whom I was taking for granted, and only when our friendship was revived after three years of break, I realized that I really like her. -- Anonymous
A6 so a2, i have a question for you, let say you were born with genes of a type, and along with quadra thats when you will feel more of yourself? -- Anonymous
A7 A6, your question doesn't really make sense. You should try to clarify it. Also, A2, you put out a pretty good explanation of Quadras, the ego and type development, nicely done. -- Anonymous
A8 @A6 - I think that any time you hang out with members of your own Quadra, especially your Dual, you will become more confident and "feel more yourself" when using your main Ego functions. It's when you've never spent much time around members of your own Quadra, or even if you haven't for a long time, that your self-confidence drops and problems start. @A7 - Thanks! (<-note the instinctive use of a smiley face to convey Fe, a habit picked up from long years of relying on Fe rather than Ti) -- Anonymous INTj
A9 Well it has been both with me... sometimes it happened, mostly in the past, that I thought some of my duals were too simple to be worthy of my attention. But at the same time, being in INTp company often makes me feel too emotional and stupid. But that might be because I have read way too many negative opinions of ESFps on the web. Overall, I think the attitudes towards your duals can be many, and the introvert thinking the extrovert too good for him/her is just one of them. -- ESFp
A10 @A9...feel inadequate in putting the right amount of S info into dual interaction (as INTP speaking about ESFP),.. i despise the straits of inadequacy... even visiting it on another (as u do about feeling stupid...approximatly in my terms the thing of putting out N info). whats best..who knows...that is my question -- Anonymous
A11 But, I can study alone too but I don't like it for too long. -- Vanice the ENFP
A12 The truth is two types of any can make it work, lets face it, there are other factors, like the basics, does the other person have children, looks/attractiveness, background, age, singleness and availability and types are different between themselves, part of the country you live in, tastes in common and religion and/or belief systems; it says not everyone that is your duel will suffice. Moreover, though, wh?at is the difference between logical thought and rational thought, I am curious??? -- Vanice the ENFP
A13 Another theoretical point, is that I read on another site that it is really NJs that are the most intellectual, NPs might have trouble in school, this is my theory. Because of the 1) scheduled nature of school and an extroverted perceiver has a short atttention span sometimes. I even read that INTP, ENFP, INFP and ENTP often have a "haunting sense" of impending failure." I agree, true for me. I can concentrate, because I've trained myself but I don't believe I have the mental energy to read superlong hours of difficult material that some introverts do in order to succeed at some jobs. I can understand difficult data and I could get better and have gotten better after college, thats all. But I need interaction sometimes. The learning styles are different. I like studying with a partner, some strong introverts like studying alone. -- Vanice the ENFP
A14 I am an introvert, and I've never really thought that anyone was "too good" for me. However, sometimes it seems like my dual (enfp) thinks they're too good for me. This usually passes pretty quickly though. -- Anonymous
A15 A13, the haunting sense of impending failure is spot on. That is what fueled my motivation to study and got me through college with high enough grades to get into med school. What got me through med school though was taking the perspective of needing to study for the sake of the patients (Fi with Te hidden agenda) and was/is my major motivating force for studying. -- an ENFp
A16 @A2. you hit the nail on the head. The article "introverted complex #47" helps to explain why introverts 'hide' their primary functions: extroverts transition between their primary and secondary functions with relative ease, thus making them highly adaptable, unlike introverts who overwork their auxiliary function to meet the demands of the world; resulting in mistyping, pyschological stress and strained relationships, even with their dual. I'm an I(N)TJ and well means interaction with the world to a large extent, while means isolation from others in order to find privacy. I've been told I think too much or I'm too cold, so using seems socially acceptable, unfortunately, when interacting with even my dual, I'm conditioned to trust than , so when my dual starts focusing on , I start feeling uneasy. I remember an INFP explaining it as you have the understanding but lack the confidence to say it. that's my two cents. -- Anonymous
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