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Question #1194636161Friday, 9-Nov-2007
Category: Intertype Relations Activity ENFp ESTj
Is it really possible to keep and evolve the relationship between enfp(f) and estj(m)? I mean if the enfp could really develop the logical thinking part couldn't this kind of relationships work and evolve even it is the activity based one? I mean how to make the mutual understanding and keep it? When both are active, sporty, curious and love to be in social environments and the biggest problem is to understand deeply each other. It is such a pity and I really consider this relationship perfect otherwise. What to do to make the estj to feel something when he feels more like friends because lack of communication? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Here is a bit of info. that you may find useful, an excerpt from a book "He's just not that into you" personally I haven't read it but I think it may be useful for any woman who is wasting her time pining away for some guy. Sorry if I seem insensitive to your question, but I hate when women (I am one by the way) walk around in an unrealistic dream world that doesn't work. Of course maybe some people enjoy this state of mind and it seems romantic to them. That is hard for me to relate to. Now granted your relationship may be beyond the friendship stage, however it is not beyond "some" men to use you for sex anyway as it does take two to tango so to speak. I hope you do not find this offensive. Here it goes anyway: The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse Dear Greg, I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for? Jodi Dear Friendly Girl, Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster — but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "(expletive) buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks. I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves — we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of — and I say this with a lot of love — is how not attracted to you he is. -- Anonymous
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A2 You can be friends but don't ever try living together. ENFp's frequent lapses or changes in focus and direction will irritate the ESTj; and the ESTj's constant attempts at directing ENFp behaviour will eventually irritate or demoralize the ENFp. -- I/O
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