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Question #1184833170Thursday, 19-Jul-2007
Category: ENTp ESFj Activity Relationship Intertype Relations
Do ENTPs and ESFJs make good friends/partners? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+ 17+
A1 I'm and ENTP and I find it extremely hard to get along with ESFJ's. I work with many ESFJ's and I find that I have to put on a degree of care concern towards them even to avoid being labelled as a non teamplayer or uncaring. From my own ENTP point of view, ESFJ's require a lot of thoughtful attention, require appreciation, because that is the way they express and show their love/care. Of course any two mature personalities can find ways to get along, as long as they understand themselves and others. -- Anonymous
A2 Also it would be nice if ESFJ's could truly give me the freedom and space to work on a project without throwing feeling based obstacles in my way such as "let's include everyone". I find ESFJ's hard to talk to as they are sensitive to criticism and even the way I say something. So hard to please . . . . -- Anonymous
A3 ENTPs are authorities on everything. They will tell you what to do even when if what they are saying is totally untrue because they know very little on the subject. They love to tell everyone what to do and will try to keep pushing until the other person does what they want - they see this as gentle persuasion. I see it as agressive and stressful. I realise because I do not say anything they have no idea I am upset. If someone chooses to do something in a particular manner no matter how many arguments ENTPs put forward this will not change the other persons mind especially if they are a J type and the thing they are asking them to change is either non of the ENTPs business or it make no difference which way the thing is done. ENTPs can only deal with other people's problems and their own if they are T type problems they find it too stressful if they have to deal with emotional problems that have no solution. That's why ENTPs seem to be continually stepping on ESFJ toes. ENTPs enjoy arguments. ESFJ enjoy harmony at all cost - ESFJ -- Anonymous
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A4 A3 - you could almost write in 'ESFj' whenever you wrote 'ENTp' and vice versa and have a basically accurate portrayal of ESFjs. It's a little tongue-in-cheek for me to say so, but I had a bossy ESFj supervisor and she would tell me to do things that made no sense or were wrong and it was basically because of her ego trip. -- econdude
A5 Dear econdude: Yes ESFJs are highly emotional air-heads, who recognise every slight and every disrespectful remark sent their way. It's a pity the ESFJ is your supervisor. You would like her alot better if you were her supervisor. -- Anonymous
A6 I'm an ENTP and had a very close and fine relationship with an ESFJ. She was very careful, sweet and she knew somehow, that making fun of and to her and stepping on her toes, was not meant to harm her (almost perfect). Maybe one or two times during our relationship, I've hurt her feelings (for so far as I know) a bit by blaming her for something small and did make it up with her afterwards (guess how). In her opinion, I was always standing a little bit away, when it comes to feelings and emotions, although I did really love her a lot! Only I thought that she knowed that, why should I say it every day? (Becomes boring, huh?) We never talked about emotions, because I also thought that we had leveled 100%, so it wasn't necessary. Wrong! For future relationships, I'll remember that women like to talk about emo-things. Personally, I like the care-taking-thing that an ESFJ does. I don't like feisty women. A woman must give me safety and love. Those things provide me with a feeling/an certain kind of freedom, that I belong to someone and don't have to look for an other mate. It may sound a bit weird, but that's the way I experience it. I'm very loyal also. As an ENTP (and like most other people I think), I like to interact with all kinds of people, but my interior emo-life is worthless. Sometimes I feel so lonely and wish that I had my girlfriend back. I think (for what I've read so for on Socionics and MBTI), the ESFJ is one of the most lovely types. I miss her touchings, softness, kisses and support a lot. We fitted so good together, she always knew what I thought etc. that I always thought that some people where meant for each other. After all, I think that working on a relationship determines if it has any change to success, because nobody is actually the same, but at it's best, close fitting. The downside of our relationship (and the second biggest difference) was the fact that she didn't like spontaneous actions. Our sexual-relation became a bit boring and she went homesick, she missed her family a lot (came from a foreign-country), those were the reasons we've split. At last, I think that those types can fit very well together, based on my own experience, but there maybe 'better combinations'. Only for an 'NT', catching up for a real relationship, is one of the hardest things in life... -- Anonymous
A7 The TP/FJ combo is less than optimal. -- Anonymous
A8 ENTps and ESFjs can definitely become good friends, IMHO. Whether they actually stay friends depends on several variables. They probably should never be roommates. They will not enjoy working together, in the office. They will annoy one another in most competetive situations. But if they have common interests, they can definitely go have fun when there's enough free time, basically. -- Anonymous
A9 Most esfjs I know can be annoying. -- entp
A10 Yes. But they hurt each other's weak points. This can hurt - badly - for both parties. Just as long as the ESFp understands that the ENTp doesn't want to be controlled (and vice versa) and the emotional thing, they will be fine. It should prove to be a lot of fun! -- Female ENTp
A11 A6 'For future relationships, I'll remember that women like to talk about emo-things.' LOL, it doesn't have to be as sappy as you make it sound. Better yet, show her how you feel. -- S
A12 I am an ESFJ and I seem to get along really well with every ENTP I ineract with. I find them intriguing and we are always are able to hold deep, meaningful conversations. When I talk to them they seem to listen really well and care about what i'm saying and the conversation always goes somewhere. And then other times we just goof off and laugh alot together. Their thrill and adventure side is intriguing to me as well. Since I am an SJ how does that work? I can think of at least 4 men who are ENTP's that I have interacted with like this. However, it has never turned into anything romantic. ENFP's are intriguing to me as well, because the are so fun, although they can get on my nerves sometimes (the NF together). Part of me feels like I get scared when it comes down to it actually turning into something and I back away? Or maybe they do? From reading this it sounds like our types aren't that compatible. I can be very spontanious sometimes (My J isn't too high) so that could affect the way we relate. I just think ENTP's are great people. -- ESFJ
A13 It can be quite easy going, until you hit a bump. Then the ESFj will give you all this wooly advice (I'm an ENTp by the way). And should you act too quickly on their advice, or read some wooly self-improvement book in one day, quicker than they thought, they take it you are trying to prove that you are not feeling enough or that you overrate your smartness. Which is probably true. Only they can follow their own advice perfectly... I think. Spend max and hour with them every two week with serious dry spells - I mean no phone calls, no texting, no facebook. and not under any circumstances share your problems with them. Then you might even think you are soul mates... and never let yourself be fooled into a position of weakness and them of power and let them know ... unless you want to be labelled passive-aggressive and be blamed of using "reverse psychology" ... whatever that is. Oh! and no theories AT ALL! If you can't handle that, just don't hang around an ESFj. They are nice people and you'll laugh to shreds with them. They will enjoy your wit (ENTp), but nothing more than that. As you can tell, this is from experience. Okay, just my experience. Others will have different. -- Anonymous
A14 Both types are in the same quadra, alpha, valuing Ne/Si and Fe/Ti. Activity relationship, so I would say, in general, yeah. -- SLI
A15 I'm ENTP and I love my little ESFJ! We've been dating seven months and I couldn't picture my life without her. Their sensing ability comes in handy for showing you things in life you'd normally miss (You should dress a little nicer for this occasion, that guy is creepy are some examples). She'll also happily take care of some chores if you're to busy to. -- Anonymous
A16 I'm an ENTP female married to an ESFJ male 8 years, dated for 4 years. In my opinion it's a great match. We are both social, loyal and driven. Yet we have many differences that could be seen as frustrating in the moment but yet are crucial in the big picture. We met at work and then started our own business which is very successful. We have learned to fill in for each other as we have opposing strengths and weaknesses, and this has helped in business and personal. Still, communication can be often stressful and frustrating as how he speaks and what I think I understand is not what I expected and vice-versa...so communicating on tough issues takes a lot more time. However once we get through it the solution we come up with is amazing and better then we ever anticipated. Early in our relationship I shared the book with my boyfriend at the time "the art ofo speed reading people" by tieger. It helped when we read the others profile, aha moment. We still often remind each other of specialty domain, my husband is very organized with money and in paying the bills and I'm great at planning the annual budgets, even though I cannot be bothered to watch every penny...so he pays the bills and gives me my allotted stipend for the week. I dislike the monotony of paying bills, while my husband enjoys it. At work I create and he sells it. He's amazing at logistics and rallying the troops to execute, while I work on the big picture, vision and strategy and how to. This is only a small fraction of all the ways we benefit from the opposites. However what's more important is values...they have to be aligned overall otherwise it won't work. There are many values tests online. Communication is the biggest struggle, it takes a lot of time and needs to be often, however its really worth it in the end. I'm still learning a lot from my partner, and he from me. Every now and then one of us will stop and be in complete awe of the other for something. Esfj are like an open book and entps are not, esfj migh have mistrust here. Esfj can be very negative and doomsday at times which can be frustrating for entp...we just need to ask good questions to redirect and focus them to find there own answers. -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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