| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1158910010 | Friday, 22-Sep-2006 |
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| How do I win the heart of an ISFJ girl? -- ENFP guy |
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| A1 Talk to her. Gaze into her eyes when she speaks. Listen to her. Ask her to do small favors for you and then be very appreciative. Compliment her eyes, hair, clothes or her way of doing things. Just be sure you really want to win her heart first. Dont toy with her feelings if youre just passing through. -- ENFP:) |
| A2 By not being such a nerd as to ask random strangers on the internet for dating advice. Be yourself. -- i'm better |
| A3 Don´t be silly. It is just a question about psychological types and I didn´t mean to annoy anyone. There are very few discussions about ISFj, I thought the question might be interesting, constructive and amusing. By the way, there is realy an ISFj that I like. Thanks for the answers. -- ENFP guy |
| A4 Appreciating the little things an ISFJ does is crucial. They like to feel needed, and really dislike being criticised when they're stubbornly sticking to a plan or behaviour which they believe is the nicest or 'right' thing to do. In my experience. -- DreamingOne, ENFP |
| A5 while you're probably the far more creative one, try to appreciate the ISFJ's creativity in every day life. -- Anonymous |
| A6 It's usually easy, you have to be very attentive to them and make them laugh. Don't burden them with little things to do! They appreciate very much if their partner can do everyhing for himself, since they're always doing a **** load of little things for others. -- Anonymous |
A7 hello. actually, i wonder if complimenting an isfj (her hair, eyes, etc) is wise. the few that i've known/know now are excessively wary of what they consider 'false flattery.' this doesn't mean that your praise is false, but that it's not going to be grasped the same way that, say, you (as an enfp) would appreciate being told that you're great etc. isfj's are...hmmm. they are kind of like wood grinders. my experience is that they respond to praise of their abilities (not their appearance - isfjs seem to have 'ugly duckling' syndrome regardless of what they actually look like). so if your isfj friend is very considerate, is very punctual, does what she does with high quality, is reliable, and is all of the things that healthy SJs seem to be good at, then i'd suggest you very gently note these. but if you go in too aggressively, you will probably freak her out. or, if you want to really cut through this, tell her that "you hate it when you do things for other people and they don't appreciate it." if she doesn't fall in love with you on the spot, wait half an hour and try again.  -- Anonymous |
| A8 I agree that the complimenting should be done with care. I tend to become wary of people who compliment all the time. The more they compliment, the less I believe them, especially ones about physical characteristics. Also, if you ask her a question, be sure to give her time to think out her response before jumping to conclusions about what she may be thinking or feeling. That's the problem I (and other ISFJs) have most often. A friend will ask me a serious question, give me a few seconds to respond, and then while I'm still considering my answer, he or she will apologize for making me feel awkward and change the subject. It can get very annoying. I prefer to consider all aspects of the question and to think out my response before blurting out the first thing that comes to my mind. -- an ISFJ |
| A9 Yes I can see where A8 is coming from. They do like time to think. We ENFP's often tend to probe and get them to pour out their feelings. When we don't get an answer, or rather an 'I don't know' response, we rephrase questions, bla bla bla and pretty much talk too much in a desperate attempt to 'get them to open up'. I have lerned that their 'I don't know' responses are an attempt to buy time... however, this may just be the case with the one ISFJ I've got in my mind... Is there an ISFJ in the house who can validate what I've just said...? -- Anonymous |
| A10 i'm an ISFJ girl and i agree with the 'ugly duckling' syndrome i don't like when people give me compliments at all -- ISFJ |
| A11 Just be yourself!!! Acting like someone your not will eventually show up anyway. Then REAL problems for Both partners will arise. Don't try to be something your not. If you really are an ENFP you shouldn't have any problem understanding this logic. hope I didn't offend anyone. Proud to be an ENFP!! -- Barry G |
| A12 I think you should just recognize she's the absolute bomb. - ENTJ -- Anonymous |
A13 I think A-12 is right  (I am an ISFj btw) and I love feeling appreciated, validated, recognized for all the little things I do to make someone happy. Compliments on physical appearance are nice too, as long as they aren't excessive. But ISFj have a *lot* more depth than people give us credit for. -- Anonymous |
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| A14 Tell her you want to marry her and get a little house she can help you take care of. This seems to be all my ISFJ boyfriend wants. -- Mary |
| A15 Confuse and dazzle her with Extroverted logic! -- ISTp |
| A16 I think the ISFj type, some people anyway, would want something from you and either not tell you or not know how to tell you. Use your "EN" to figure out what she wants (a compliment, recognition, flowers, some kind of surprise gift). -- econdude |
| A17 most ISFJs I know tend to be pretty traditional. very into family oriented roles and respecting authority figures as such. Plus they tend to down-play their attributes esp. when you compliment them. I would say one way to get her to fall in love with you is to show you are very family oriented, yet you can have fun at the same time - so you can bring her out of her shell as well as share some of the same values as her -- Anonymous |
| A18 A9, ISFJs in my experience don't like answering questions about themselves. My dad is one, and he's like that at least. The problem for us ENFPs is that we love asking people questions about themselves - it's our 'Reporter' quality. Plus we like to make sure that they other person is okay - which ISFJs often seem not to be. Also, beware, they kind of have a martyr complex and do too much for others. When you show sympathy for them, they often freeze on you because they suspect it isn't sincere. They have many wonderful traits, but I'm never completely comfortable around them. They like it when you do lots of little things for them just like they do for others. They have to learn to accept favours, though. Funny bunch. -- pandapanda |
| A19 I am an ISFJ girl. I like surprises and to be cared and mattered. I usually do a lot for other people and don't get the same appreciation back which is a huge disappointment and let down. Hmm... all you have to do is be adorable, make her smile, be very witty, make her feel special, and above all, make her feel very secured (ISFJs hate insecurities). Don't make her think that you're going to be around for awhile and then leave her eventually. -- ISFJ |
| A20 my ex was an isfj. ya were quasi. so they suck -- Anonymous |
| A21 Show sincerity and appreciation, and be patient if she demonstrates some of the negative isfj qualities -- Anonymous |
| A22 i think that any enfp wouldnt have read more than half of these.. and would have figured out how to woo the gal or had forgot and gone on to something else a few days later. (especially the young ones) internet certainly cannot be the sorce of anything like that, considering the kind extroverted people we are. im a dude enfp, and my gf of almost 6 months now (who is also pregnant) is an isfj.i love her to death and her almost crude sense of humor and sharp critism keeps me on my toes. we have a lot of fun together, and support eachother, thats key. blah blah blah. -- jeff pecina |
| A23 A2O you suck,i am an isfj,we are loving and loyal,not many people are loyal,or do you want a man who is unfaithful? -- shaune jackson |
| A24 why are you interested in an isfj if you are enfp? Look for an istp instead. You will be happier that way. -- Anonymous |
| A25 Hi there. I'm the ENTj from A12. I maintain that my little piece of advice up there is correct, but there is one more thing that I would like to add. A16 (econdude) is onto something, here. If, for example, you are an ENTj and you want to win the heart of an ISFj, consider that the ISFj is much more likely to want to sustain relations with you if she feels that relations with you benefit her in a material sense. This is more or less what A14 was talking about, too. If you are an ENTj and have found a very special ISFj you will know that she is worth it, but if you are younger and have not yet acquired adequate footing in the real world of your career and finances you may find that you need to work on that above and beyond any efforts to win her heart. You may find that you have won her heart but are unable to move your relationship forward. Realize this is a positive thing, because you are probably already very interested in these areas of achievement. Let her inspire you. -- ENTj |
| A26 Be careful! ISFjs can trap themselves into thinking they are obligated to reciprocate your feelings, even if they don't really like you! It's as if they themselves are unaware of this fact until later because they convince themselves of how great you are for loving them! They can literally keep a nonexistent relationship going because they're so afraid of hurting your feelings. However, you have the advantage of being an ENFp, so you should be able to tell where she's coming from and if she really likes you. -- My best friend is an ISFj |
| A27 Im not in love with an Isfj but just got hired by one and am an ENFX, some where between an ENFP and ENFJ. It aint easy,She is strong on stabilization and I am strong with flexibility. But since she is the boss I will need to "streach" myself and work a little harder to maintain the status quo, Ugh. Or, eventually when she trusts me, i hope we can work on things we are best at as individuals, while maintaining a core of support. -- ENFx |
| A28 One thing that many people miss about us is that we're very lonely people. Yes, we like our privacy but we're constantly dreaming of that special someone who will care for us and love us. Beware of her feelings, she may act like she wasn't bothered by it but if you make a move to hurt her or critisize her after earning her trust will hurt her tremendously. We won't fight back but we'll probably remember it for the rest of our lives. Once she trusts you, spend time with her, cuddle and hug her and don't be afraid to be playful. Friendly teasing or hiding a compliment in your teasing could also be appreciated. All in all be affectionate and tentative of her feelings. -- ISFj |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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