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Question #1156738055Monday, 28-Aug-2006
Category: ENFp Duality Intertype Relations Relationship
I've taken this test numerous times, and i'm sure i'm an ENFp. And my current boyfriend is an ISTp, according to the test, we're supposed to get along. But instead, the opposite is true. We find it so hard to understand each other. He thinks i'm too flippant. And I feel that he just stays at home on the computer too much. I don't get it. In fact, I interact better with ISFps, INFps, but just not ISTps. -- Mea (ENFp)
Your Answers: 1+
A1 It has been said that the ENFp-ISTp duality is the most difficult dual relationship, but where did I read that?? Anyway, you say you are sure you're ENFp. How do you know this for sure, because the many tests you've taken say so? I too think that I'm ENFp, in fact, I'm damn sure of it... still, I'm always doubting if I really am. Perhaps I'm ENTp, but when I read the INTj profiles, I think, "hmmm... perhaps that too". Maybe even ISTj! Now this kind of doubt, not even knowing for sure, is more likely to be ENFp, not your statement "I'm sure I am" (although your statement "I've taken the test numerous times" is). Are you sure you are not ENTp? It would not be uncommon for an ENTp woman to test as ENFp, or an ENFp man to test as ENTp. Try the 300-question multifactor test at -- pm (ENFp)
A2 Yes. If I did not recall wrongly, It's that test that made me sure I was an ENFp, because the E/I in the tests I look are usually pretty close. And yea, like you I'm sure, yet at the same time doubt if I'm really an ENFp. But if any other profiles that came close to describing me, the next closest would be INFp profile. But no, I'm nothing like an ENTp. ENFp-ISTp the most difficult dual? Maybe that explains it then. -- Mea (ENFp)
A3 First, you're not going to get along with someone just because they're your dual. It works like this: If you like the person then you naturally end up balancing their weaknesses with your own strengths. Rather than saying that your dual seeking function is what you want, it is more accurate to say that in this function you are dependent upon others for whom it is a strength. Likewise, your hidden agenda (your dual's creative function) represents the function with which your own type typically has the most difficulty. In sum if one or the other doesn't appreciate that their own strength is their partner's weakness then all you have is two very different people resenting each other for not behaving "normally." -- metroGnome, the ostensible INTj
A4 You're sure he's not an INTP? -- Anonymous
A5 I have seen written that ENFp-ISTp is the most difficult, followed by ENTj-ISFj. The first one because the ISTp has a much lower energy level in comparison to the ENFp. The second one because the ISFj wants to "cage" the ENTj. -- Anonymous
A6 Yes, for an ENFP, low-energy ISTPs can be frustrating and depressing. There are times when the ENFP will bring up something they're very enthused about, and the ISTP's lack of enthusiasm is then a total downer for them. That sort of thing is tricky. And I'm sure ENFP enthusiasm and gushiness irritates the heck out of ISTps at times. -- Anonymous
A7 Maybe there is simple mis-communication...some times people are not given the correct skills from their parents to deal with communication in relationships. -- Brandino
A8 High energy sporty ISTps can be amazing fits for ENFPs. Plus if your ISTp partner is not into doing something with you, leave him/her at home and just go and do it yourself. S/he will probably appreciate the space and you'll have fun being social and active. (I'm an ENFp woman). -- Anonymous
A9 I've commented on a few other ENFP questions. I'man INFP, and although there are a few drastic differences between INFPs and ENFPs and I can relate in core issues. I'm married to an INTJ and it is an extremely good match. I think the biggest miscommunications are your opposite E/I, but even bigger the S/N. Other studies I have read (even though I know this socionics is NOT the myers-briggs) is that ISTPs generally fit best with ESFJs. They have similar qualities to ENFPs, such as enthusiasm, and are very social. ISTPs need someone to "shake them up a bit" but can rarely understand or get excited about the things ENFPs get excied about. They may even see it as totally irrelevant and boring. ISTPs. although tempermentally very different than ESFJs can at least understand why the ESFJ enthusiasms since the speak the same (sensor) language. All that said, you may never speak the same language as an ISTP, but if you want to make it work, does it matter? There are many things the dual types can appreciate, even if they never "get" each other. -- Anonymous
A10 If he's an ISTp and stays on the computer all the time, he's probably depressed. As an ISTp, I can tell you that we need variety, variety, variety - and although I can dive into a subject on the web & not emerge for a few days, it won't last more than a few days - and once I'm done, I pretty much only skim subsequent materials on the subject. So that he seems resistant to having new types of fun means either he's not really ISTp, or he's got some issues to work out ... -- iAnnAu
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A11 Being stuck in a rut is boring and crap. I keep busy by cycling running, hiking, chess doing stuff with mates spending time on my own a few beers and some other larking around and sillyness. These ENFp folk I read about seem as tho they are and continue to be spontaneous and active with new things - that would serve to energize me and keep me well pleased to be along for the ride. Is this right about you lot? So anyway how do I recognise em do you all year a carnation or summit ? iAnnAu have you dated any of the dual? How'd that work for you m8? -- Cyclops
A12 Cyclops - I've only typed a couple of exes, but I've dated folks of many, many different descriptions. I think most of them have been I versus E, and reading the ENFp description makes me shake my head at the comparison with my memories of old sig.others. I married an INFp - but interestingly, he was the one who stayed on the computer all the time (and yes, he was horribly depressed). No amount of suggestion, pleading, analysis or anything else I could come up with convinced him to change that pattern; eventually I gave up. But I'll never know 100% that I didn't give up too soon - so I'm not saying Mea should take my (admittedly everted) example as advice for what she should do. -- iAnnAu
A13 There's only so much of thinking 'what if I did this a different way' or 'I should have said/not said something else' that you can do until you reach a point of unproductively, mentally beating yourself up over it. Looking back, that 'something' may not potentially have been the best way to deal with it, but the point is you did the best you could At That Time. Believe me i've had my own share of regrets, but am learning to give myself more credit than that. If your not getting what you want from a relation you have to walk away. Mea, regardless of type surely it can't be good for anyone to sit in a virtual world to the detriment of other worlds-ie the real world. iAnnAu i'm sure you mentioned your ex on another thread, now if I may say it sounds like you did your best, and ISTp to ISTp (and reasonably well developed person - reasonably well developed person) maybe u like me, when relations don't work for you, it takes you so long to look for the faults you *must* have made, cause really there not there. -- Cyclops
A14 Personally, I have after moving on from any relationship, looked to the positive I have learned from it and take it with me as I move forward. And I agree if you are not getting what you need it is best to let it go. I would rather be single then unfulfilled in a relationship. At least the past can show us what we don't want. My imtial interest in type years ago was because I was thinking how can I make a better choice so I don't end up later wondering how did I get in a relationship that was not right for me. So I can say maybe you guys aren't duals Mea, as you should be able to talk with each other and understand each other. Maybe he is an INTP, or maybe you are an ESFP. I would rethink the types personally. -- chrissyc
A15 Right on to A8! I'm dating a sporty ISTp and, yeah, you bet, if he wants to hang out at home and have a nap and I want to go out...then I just leave him at home! But when he's up for going out - particuarly dancing - then he's a bundle of energy and great fun! I don't need - or like - to spend all my time with my partner. As long as we have some good times and adventure togeter with a good connection, then just let people be who they naturally want to be and all will be well! It's when we attach ourselves to people too tightly that it all falls apart. I don't like it when people are too glued too me, so why should I should require that they be super glued to me! Have fun. Have integrity. And just live! (Thoughts of an ENFp woman!). -- Anonymous
A16 Maybe he's an ISTJ. My ISTP might surf the net but he is very easy to entice away from the computer for the possibility of doing a much more fun activity! -- Energiecoach-enfp
A17 I'm dating an istp and we have never had a relationship issue. We love each other very much and have a very stable relationship. I've had a rocky past so my guard was up at the front end of the relationship, but other than that it's been smooth sailing I'd also like to state that some istps make me want to rip their guts out. But not my istp Just find the right ispt Or enfp Whatevs~ -- An enfp
A18 ENFp-ISTp the MOST DIFFICULT DUAL?????? I can't believe it My wife is ENFp, and I'm ISTp. We are VERY HAPPILY married for more than 35 years and everything is fine in our relation. -- piccolo_senior
A19 Ditto A4 -- ENFP
A20 As ENTp getting along with ISFp, I don't think that ENFp and INTp are the hardest. At work I collaborate with at least 8 ENFp / ISTp duals - two males, two females, man and woman, and also other combinations and to me it seems the most common dual were office / administrative work is done. The thing which works for them is that they are focused on common goal - whatever it is work (and the common tasks / projects to accomplish), a family life, some of them are teachers (there's also few INFjs). From your description it seems that the ISTp spends time with PC he might be on the spectrum of autistic disorders and in such case any relationship will be very difficult. I am not getting well with ISFps like that, it's very hard, demanding, humiliating at times and with the most smart, best raised ISFp with syndrome it can work but I had to give up my honour, and this way it didn't work for longer than 3yrs, and that was just doing projects. Prospects of easy life, lack of planning, lack of learning, for female who rejects condition is fatal, but male might be OK over long period of time. To earn money in life he must work on his PC. You seem even more stubborn then him. Why won't you learn computing yourself and do something in digital era? Have you checked if you are on spectrum? For ENFp female it's very hard to check but this type has potential to be most devastating as its friendly and poisonous. -- Dr Zoidberg
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