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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1146005928 | Tuesday, 25-Apr-2006 |
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| Regarding intertype relationships, I'm especially interested in relations of benefit and supervision. My husband (ISFj) is benefactor to me (INFp), and I am benefactor to my boss (INTj). After being married a year, I can definitely see the truthfulness of this description, and I believe I can adapt to the home situation. But what about my work situation? My boss is very competent and I respect her greatly and I believe she respects my competency, but we don't interact much other than when I go to her with something I need approval on. Should I try to be more outgoing? INTj is Supervisor to ENFp. I also work for an ENTj (natural Supervisor to INFp) on one aspect of my job and have a great working relationship with the ENTj. -- Debi |
Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 So what is the problem here? -- Anonymous |
A2 Relations of Supervision are tricky. They are often pathological, it's not an employer/employee kind of relationship. More often it is one person trying to dominate the other out of a sense of subdued irritation with the other's behavior. Also becoming more outgoing doesn't mean that your psychological functions suddenly flip-flop. If you were to become more outgoing, you would be an outgoing, gregarious INFp; you won't become an ENFp. The psychological functions of each are different. An INFp is characterized by   ; whereas, an ENFp is characterized by   . A very different mix to say the least. My advice is be yourself and let your relationships, romantic and professional, follow their own course. -- Anonymous |
| A3 Tell me Debi, are you happy and satisfied in your relationship with your ISFJ husband? I am an INFP and my boyfriend is ISFJ; we have a good relationship but I feel we are lacking a big connection most of the time. He is emotional and sensitive all the time, almost to the point of being annoying. Do you have this problem with your ISFJ? Also, do you find your ISFJ lacks intellectual passion or at least cannot relate to your personal passions? I am not sure who gets the most out of this sort of relation, the benefactor (him) or me, the beneficiary? Thanks, Mary INFP -- Mary |
| A4 A2 - Who is trying to dominate who, the benefactor or the beneficiary? The thought occurred to me that I am probably domineering with almost everyone because I am very candid sometimes and it may make others uncomfortable. Wihthholding information from others, even to be polite, is like treating the other person as if they are stupid and unable to understand. (Of course, I may be a bit sensitive about people thinking I'm stupid, and so I consider others' feelings in this respect.) -- learning |
| A5 Sorry for second post, but I meant dominating, not domineering. Also, the thought occurred to me today that most people probably see themselves as somewhat superior to others. I do. It is warranted: Everyone sees life through a unique perspective that no one else can possibly duplicate, not even if they're the same type, not even if they're twins. I know; I have an INFp twin. There is hope in equalizing things if people explain their perspectives. Still, there's always the poss. that others will misunderstand a word here or there and not fully "get" the other person's perspective, or that the other person will speak in a way that is hard for the other person to understand. -- learning |
| A6 The biggest problem I have with my ISFJ boyfriend is that we don't have meaningful communication. He gets a lot out of our interactions whereas I don't. I often feel bored and unheard even though he makes great efforts at communication. Debi, I didn't mention before that I am also an INFP. What struggles do you have with your ISFJ? This man wants to marry me and I often don't even know if I am in love with him. He's wonderful though, so I would like to make this ISFJ/INFP thing work. -- Mary |
| A7 I'm an ENFP to the core, and my boyfriend is an ISFJ and soemwhat ISTJ, probably a sign of age. I finf him less organized and punctual than an ISTJ but he does love RULES. He wants to marry me, but I feel lonely and sad often becasue he is unable to communicate his feelings to me, and seems to prefer to focus on jobs and responsibilities. I KNOW I have a high need for reinforcement, and this is such a kind, hardworking man. I dont want to make him feel inadequate, but i'm really not happy. Do you think we can be together ? -- sparkle |
| A8 If you are sure of your type and your boss's type, I couldn't imagine a better situation for you. Your boss needs you. Assuming you are interesting in and engaged in your work, I would make every effort to satisfy the INTj - of course, while keeping in mind that the "bigger picture" is feeding your own agenda. As far as working with the ENTj, maybe other factors besides type determine how well you work with the person. I think a well-balanced person can interact productively with all of the types and it sounds like you fit that description. -- econdude |
| A9 I am also an ENFP with an ISFJ male love interest. I know he cares very much for me, but there is a major malfunction in the communciation arena. Why can't ISFJ ever make anything with their communication regarding feelings ever seem like anything less than double talk or a total mess? It makes me feel like giving up on the whole thing. I need reinforcement also and I am not finding it here. -- Anonymous |
| A10 I'm INFP with a ISFJ boyfriend and I'm experiencing the exact same thing as A3, A6 and A9! Yes on the double talk A9...it's frustrating for both sides. I dunno what to do... how can we improve our relationship? -- Anonymous |
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| A11 A1-lol -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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