| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1123047300 | Wednesday, 3-Aug-2005 |
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| I'd like to better understand the hidden agendas of both infp (to understand) and estp (to be loved). Here are the two questions you most often hear in our household. Infp wife: huh? I don't get it. Estp husband: Do you love me baaaby? It fascinates me how accurate this hidden agenda thing is, and I'd love to learn more. Thanks! =) -- yosa |
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A14 This website poses an interesting formula for love relations. I find a lot of the information about INFP's on this website to be dubious and unsubstantiated, in particular claiming physical characteristics for the personality types. I also believe that the descriptions of INFP lack the true depth of understanding of an INFP, and the compassion towards INFP, that many other sites possess. There are far too many gross oversimplifications, which I find completely demeaning, such as the "I don't get it" phrase. This is really a matter of learning style. At the college I went to, the school slogan was "to know is not enough". What that meant what that a deeper understanding is required - a feeling, an experience - for something to truly be learned. Just because INFP's prefer and excel at the deeper level of learning opposed to the concrete and factual level does not make them inferior learners or students. I myself am an INFP, and definitely don't have any aspirations to be an engineer. Nevertheless, I know that I could do it if I really wanted to  As for my love-life, I have had relations with an INFJ and an ENFJ. The ENFJ in particular went quite poorly, it ended in a blow-up, and we were to often on each other's turf spiritually and emotionally. The INFJ wasn't quite as explosive, nor dynamic, there was little passion. The two women I have fallen for the most were ISTP and ESFP - both only one notch away from the ESTP. I do find those particular traits incredibly appealing, though the warning stories of other INFP's does give me pause, in particular because the trust level I have with the ISTP is, well, shaky. All in all, I think this is a website that has a very interesting philosophy about partner matches, but relatively weak descriptions of the personality types and a very caustic demeanor. Also, all the posts on here about INFP-ESTP being a flawed or failed match I would take as a warning sign... -- Anonymous |
| A15 types have good and bad qualities. It is perhaps equally useful to know both. If you want to read something which just talks about how great you are then perhaps you could write something yourself? -- Anonymous |
| A16 Types have strong and weak points and not good or bad qualities. Good or bad is relative to your own perception towards a particular type, this doesn't mean everyone would agree with your judgement. -- Anonymous |
| A17 Yes you're right I meant points strong and weak. Current trends in society and evolution determine objectively what is regarded as strong and weak values in todays world, so the manifestation of types values can be objective and agreed on. -- A15 |
| A18 Hidden agenda is a side effect of that part of the subconscious that is suppressed and controlled the most, a function screaming to get out but is usually overridden by three other functions. This function offers value to the psyche but is always standing at the end of the line. For INFp, it's the introverted thinking (or logic) that needs to take time to understand and is vindicated when someone else provides that needed understanding. For ESTp, it's the extroverted feeling (or ethic) that needs validation or to be loved, and feels secure when someone supports them. -- I/O |
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| A19 That's a thought provoking comment..."Types have strong and weak points and not good or bad qualities." Your value system determines what is good and bad. Since an INFP is constantly refining his value system, and the ESTP appears to simply not have one capable of selflessness, a Christian INFP (devoted to helping others and saving the world) would not mix well with the selfishly manipulative operation of an ESTP. In this case the simplistic formula of this site doesn't work. It may work for other duals... but not this pairing. When I read about the ESTP, my first thought was, "eeewww!". My second thought was, "EEEWWW!!". I'm not judging the personality perse. I simply wouldn't want to be with someone driven to be so manipulative and selfish in that area. I was with an ESFP for some time. She made me feel like the world revolved around me. ESFPs appear to be manipulative for a far different reasom. They don't manipulate to control you ro do their bidding. They manipulate because they want you to want them. It's a subtle difference but changes the dynamic completely. I still have warm feelings toward my ex ESFP fiancee. It wasn't our chemistry or focus that forced us apart. -- Will |
| A20 A11-12: I agree that there is no perfect match for INFPs (we're so complicated) but ESTPs are not a good match. I understand the attraction and I think I dated mostly ESTPs in my high school years. I think they are usually happy with the match because they don't really 'get' the INFP and misunderstand them for like an ISFP or ISFJ. I'm with an INTJ and I have to say it really is quite a good match for me. His T makes him patient with my moodiness and makes him clear-headed. He's able to 'understand' and explain things to the INFP who is always looking to understand. His J makes him stable and my 'rock'. Also his strong N makes our mental connection to die for. It's not a perfect match, like I said before, but I can't think of anything I would want different. Also- Fs are too smothering to me since I'm also an F. -- Anonymous |
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