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| Question #1103069198 | Wednesday, 15-Dec-2004 |
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| I have an ex-friend who is an ENTP. She was very aggressive, possessive, and very, very manipulative. Her hobby is breaking up marriages and bossing people around. I believe that I have become her enemy number one because I told her to leave me and my family alone. I have never been in her "inner circle". I don't know for sure if she really is this type, but she sure has all the negative traits of one. When she sees me in public she tries to put me on the spot, like trying to hug me or talk to me. She knows I can't stand her. How do I get this person to leave me alone? -- Anonymous |
Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 Please remember this: The type is not personality! Let's take for example a CPU (central processing unit). CPU is the main part of a computer that does most of the data processing. There are many types of CPUs - INTEL, ARM, SPARC, MIPS, etc. Your brain is your "CPU" in a way and there are only 16 types of human psyche's internal architecture - ENTp, ESFp, ISTp, etc. Any computer is just a piece of junk without a software. The software tells CPU what to do. The computer is as good as the software it runs. People too have kind of "software" that runs on their "CPUs". It is called "personality". Bad personality makes people bad, good personality makes them good. A person's psychological type does not, however, make him or her good or bad. As for your question, it looks like your ex-friend could be an ESTp. Aggressive and possessive are the adjectives, which would normally describe Extroverted Sensing - Se. Also, an ESTp is somewhat similar to ENTp, which could explain similar negative trends. -- Admin
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| A2
It seems to me that solving this problem would involve some sort of verbal communication centering around the main idea that "you don't like her." If indeed this person is an ESTp or even an ENTp, they both are equally clueless about how people truly feel about them. In which case, don't assume that this person "knows" you don't like them. Make it easy for her... tell her verbally, and without mixing words. Then...avoid her in the future, and don't send mixed signals like hugging her just because she tries to hug you, or sticking around to listen to her small talk because you don't want to be rude. Be clear...and direct. She will never "get the hint" so to speak, so it is worthless trying to take the subtle way out. -- Anonymous
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| A3
I don't think your ex-friend is an ENTp at all. If, as you say, you were never in her 'inner circle,' she'd not likely pay you the attention you describe. And there's something too overtly and clumsily Machiavellian about her. Yes, we ENTp types can scheme and plot (ah, the endless possibilities...)but our manipulations are usually crafted with some subtlety. I know lots of other ENTp's, and it's unusual for any of us to pursue a pseudo-close relationship with someone we've made "enemy number one." No, if your ex-friend was an ENTp, she'd probably ignore you (even though it bothered her to do so, because she wants to be liked), while in the background, she'd be cleverly swaying others around to the idea that you're a dolt. As for how to get her to leave you alone? Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you no longer wish to engage in any sort of relationship, period. Then resist the urge to discuss/explain/process any of it. Walk away. Whether she's ENTp or ESTp (which is more likely) a clear "toss off, then" isn't difficult to understand... -- Anonymous |
| A4 An ENTP would never be openly possessive and aggressive. Manipulative, yes. For example, I am more likely to use a guilt-induced posessivness - something like "you can do whatever you want, but if you do X, I will feel very sad". Works very well with F types during their mood swings, for example. But in the end, ENTPs are too afraid of being not liked to be openly aggressive, or to quarrel in a serious way. If she was ENTP I don't think she would have kept pursuing you; usually, if we're "enemy number one" of a person, we are aware of it. -- Anonymous |
| A5 She sounds more like an enfj. Enfj's are extreemly unconcious of unappropriate behaviors or just don't care in some cases. The overt show of affection may just be a way of passivly getting back at you for some disapproval she feels from you. my advice drop the negative attitude towards her and she will have nothing left to bother with you for. Sort of like passive resistance. -- Anonymous |
| A6 honestly, i don't see much described about the ex-friend. the account sounds rather biased. if you are so convinced that she's an ENTp, please remember that ENTps have problems with keeping a healthy emotional distance. she might just trying to be nice. and, as a T, she cannot be blamed for not being able to read others' emotions properly, can she? lastly, the ENTps i have met either completely ignore people they dont' like or keep a minimal contact with them. ENTps also never hestitate to show their dislike towards people. put it this way, even idiots can see who they don't like. doesn't mean they badmouth others; they just ignore those people. -- an ENTp |
| A7 This person could be ENTP or ESTP, but from what you are telling, the issue has hardly anything to do with psychological type, since it sounds like she suffers from pathological behaviour, or even a personality disorder (e.g. Narcissistic, Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorder). My advice with such people: keep repeating to them that they must to stay away from you and that you don't want to pursue any kind of relationship, do not -I repeat: DO NOT- enter into a discussion of any sort, you don't have to explain yourself. If it doesn't help, get the police involved! Run for your life! -- pm (ENFP) |
| A8 I am having a similar problem with a girl right now and actually suspect if she is suffering from a personality disorder. Due to her bizarrely erratic, secretly hostile and dominance-seeking behaviour, I am having difficulties in deciding on whether she is an ENTp or ENTj. You see, she is close to a girl who reminds me of ISFjs and if she is an ENTp, they would make conflicting partners. On the other hand... she's rather different from other ENTjs I have known. Here's a bit about her: If a person ceases to be useful to her, she treats them like she'd never known them before. She would just look pass them like they're invisible. But if that person is useful to her (she's predictable in this respect), she will be very nice and flattering to them. I am wary of using this trait to pinpoint her as an ENTp because I have noticed that ENTjs and representatives of other types can do this too. Now, I am picturing an ENTp in my head and she's one of the sweetest persons I've ever known. Hardly remotely identical to the "monster" I am trying to currently type. This raises a question, are pathological people type-able? Think psychopaths. -- Anonymous |
| A9 @A8: everyone has type, but it can be overridden by psychiatric disorders (ADHD, Shizofrenia etc.), personality, mood and behaviour disorders (narcissism, borderline, bipolar disorder etc), substance abuse (alcohol, drugs) and medication. In these cases, one minght loose sight on someones type altogether. However, if their is only a situation of slight psychopathological behaviour (low self-esteem, high neurosis), then it might possible to make a connection with type. See e.g. www.millon.net. -- pm (ENFP) |
| A10 Sounds like a ENFP -- Anonymous |
| A11 Doesn't sound like an entp. -- Anonymous |
| A12 I'm an ENTP and wow I would never do this to anyone. Yes, I have been used in the past and did counterreact, however I would never go to the extent-that would just be so boring for me. I would look at the elements of ESTP, sounds like them. The hidden agenda is need to be loved for ESTP so appeal to her emotions by using very kind words and a lower softer speach when talking to her. You can say things like Hi...I know I've hurt you in the past, but I can't go back and change what I've done and I hope that we can remain in good terms. This will get them to realize that the past us is not the present us and that looking forward on a positive step is better then using more vengeful methods. -- Maritsa |
A13 Doesn't sound ENTp. Sounds more ENFj with an over-active  -HA. I suggest beating her up and threatening her to leave you alone or you're gonna beat her up every time you see her. No, I seriously have no idea how you're gonna handle this pain in the a** -- Anonymous |
A14 Doesn't sound like an ENTP at all. ENTPs with their weak  aren't possesive. My God, the person you described sounds so familiar (I've met too many of those people). -- DustBunny |
| A15 Wow! I am an ENTP and I think you are way off on this personality type!!! VERY agressive? NO! I do not think of myself as "VERY" agressive, (AMBITIOUS yes, and I do want people to see my point of view). I have started several companies, built them up then sold them for a profit when I became bored with the everyday running of it. I do not show inappropriate behavior, because then I would look like an ass, and I want people to like me. I once told someone I could sell a ketchup popcycle to a lady in white gloves, LOL. An example of how I reason is this... If you really want to get back at your spouse... you do not leave... you STAY! LOL, (if you stay you can manipulate them to end up getting your way). An ENTP personality I do not believe tries to break up realtionships because in the "big picture", they could make-up then think ill of you. I always like everyone to be in agreement (usually with me, can't help it. & if they are not I want to know why). If a friend of mine's marriage is in trouble I have always tried to get to the ROOT cause and then help them to see how they can "fix" the problem. Maybe I am way off base but this is just a SIMPLE example of why I do not think this person is an ENTP. Why would you even think that she was???? Also you say she is possessive, I have never been possessive and cannot stand anyone who is. Possessiveness stems from insecurity, As an ENTP I have never been insecure in any relationship. What is "weird" though is this, "ONE" time someone made a fool of me (THEN I dropped that person as if they never existed. I simply felt nothing for them anymore.)I think it is a problem I have. It is like ALL OF A SUDDEN I have no feelings AT ALL for them anymore. & It felt more like I am just "disappointed" that I didn't get my way than emotionally distraught. I think I am well-liked? And often, people ask my advice. But, then again, if anybody thought bad about me I am sure I wouldn't even be aware of it, LOL. Like I said, maybe I am off base here to say she is not an ENTP, but I do not think so. -- Anonymous |
| A16 A1: I agree aggressivity is one of the traits of Se, but possessivity? No way. We love our freedom and love to give others their freedom. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
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| A17 dam she crazy -- Th |
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