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  #1  
Old 01/04/2010, 05:27 PM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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Default Anybody else have trouble finding duals, and swamped with activities?

I seem to strike up and continue relationships (casual and romantic) with my activity partners (ESFj) efortlessly, but have a really hard time initiating relationships with my dual, SEI... Has anybody else noticed this pattern in their intertype relations?
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  #2  
Old 02/04/2010, 08:29 PM
mihai_m mihai_m is offline
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I didn't have the occasion to try with ESEs because I was committed all the time. I admit that it's easy to talk to them, there's absolutely no problem and perceived difficulty. SEIs seem retreated and "closed" at first, but it's not like that in reality, I think if they manage to be found together in the same group, and get some familiarity with each other, they will end-up finding each other attractive.
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Old 03/04/2010, 01:58 AM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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I didn't have the occasion to try with ESEs because I was committed all the time. I admit that it's easy to talk to them, there's absolutely no problem and perceived difficulty. SEIs seem retreated and "closed" at first, but it's not like that in reality, I think if they manage to be found together in the same group, and get some familiarity with each other, they will end-up finding each other attractive.
I really have fun with ESEs, the problem with approaching SEIs is that they are so shy... If there's an ESE in the room, its like we just bounce off each other, and SEI get's a little ignored... Not to say that I don't chit chat and joke around with SEI, but i dunno. I feel like I almost like ESE better. Less mood swings, depression, and neuroticism in general.
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Old 03/04/2010, 10:57 AM
Cyclops Cyclops is offline
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I really have fun with ESEs, the problem with approaching SEIs is that they are so shy... If there's an ESE in the room, its like we just bounce off each other, and SEI get's a little ignored... Not to say that I don't chit chat and joke around with SEI, but i dunno. I feel like I almost like ESE better. Less mood swings, depression, and neuroticism in general.
Seriously mate, wait till you get to know ESE better.

On start of thread question, i've found activators to make decent pals, but i've preferred dual dating. I wouldn't rule out an INFj blade, but two I's isn't the best for me, I quite like the E's ability to be more social than me.

I also think the E likes to be able to talk more rather than two E's competing for attention all the time. I imagine that would become tiring after a while.

Last edited by Cyclops; 03/04/2010 at 10:57 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 03/04/2010, 05:05 PM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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Seriously mate, wait till you get to know ESE better.

On start of thread question, i've found activators to make decent pals, but i've preferred dual dating. I wouldn't rule out an INFj blade, but two I's isn't the best for me, I quite like the E's ability to be more social than me.

I also think the E likes to be able to talk more rather than two E's competing for attention all the time. I imagine that would become tiring after a while.
Have you dated your dual?
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Old 03/04/2010, 05:17 PM
ragnar ragnar is offline
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I seem to strike up and continue relationships ... with my activity partners ... efortlessly, but have a really hard time initiating relationships with my dual ... Has anybody else noticed this pattern in their intertype relations?
I have the same experience.

Greetings, ragnar
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  #7  
Old 05/04/2010, 03:52 AM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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What is your type? And nice to meet you ragnar
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Old 06/04/2010, 08:53 PM
ragnar ragnar is offline
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What is your type?
ILI with a high degree of confidence.

My experience so far is that ESI relations come much more easily and naturally than SEE ones.

Greetings, ragnar
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Old 07/04/2010, 03:21 AM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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Interesting that the best relation seems to be harder to start than activity, which is supposedly less than ideal. I like the ESEs I know a lot, moreso than the SEI I dated...
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Old 07/04/2010, 05:34 PM
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Interesting that the best relation seems to be harder to start than activity, which is supposedly less than ideal. I like the ESEs I know a lot, moreso than the SEI I dated...
That's the thing with activity: it's fast and easy to start, but offers not a whole lot of depth or long-term stability. Duals are deceptively difficult to find and start a relationship with.
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So this one time me an' my bes' frien' Stan, we went to a church service. That preacher was talkin' 'bout hell. So Stan leans over to me an' he says, "I bet hell is like a PoLR hit every day."

An' I says, "Stan, you prolly right."
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Old 07/04/2010, 08:56 PM
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That's the thing with activity: it's fast and easy to start, but offers not a whole lot of depth or long-term stability. Duals are deceptively difficult to find and start a relationship with.
Are there any strategies that anybody knows of for finding duals? Is it type specific?
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Old 08/04/2010, 03:06 AM
Kittykat Kittykat is offline
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I feel like I almost like ESE better. Less mood swings, depression, and neuroticism in general.
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Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
Seriously mate, wait till you get to know ESE better.
No kidding. Mood swings, yeah, their moods don't swing as much as some p types I guess, but when they do have a mood swing it's like they're stuck there and they can't swing back out of it. It can be rather frustrating. Depression and neuroticism? Definitely the neuroticism, and the depression depends on which ESE you're talking to.

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I also think the E likes to be able to talk more rather than two E's competing for attention all the time. I imagine that would become tiring after a while.
lol, this is so true. Both of my grandmothers, for instance, are E's. Reportedly, when they first met each other they found each other interesting, but both felt like the other was doing 75% of the talking, lol. And myself, when I run into other E's sometimes I get frustrated that they talk so much. :-P

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That's the thing with activity: it's fast and easy to start, but offers not a whole lot of depth or long-term stability. Duals are deceptively difficult to find and start a relationship with.
Unfortunately... yeah, this is pretty much dead on, in my experience.
Although, as I've been reminiscing lately, I started thinking about this guy I knew when I was a lot younger, and I'm beginning to think he was ISTp (for various reasons.) I'm not sure what it was, but I was drawn to him, we hung out a lot (usually on my initiative, haha) became good friends, etc. until he moved away. Now I'm wishing I still had that instinct to be drawn to my dual that I seem to have had as a child, lol.

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Are there any strategies that anybody knows of for finding duals? Is it type specific?
Make a whole bunch of friends, hang out with them, try to find their type, and if you haven't found your duals yet, say to the ones you are uncertain of, "Hey, wanna take a really awesome test?" :P (disclaimer: this is far easier said than done.)

On a slightly more serious note: I find that as an E, it is often bothersome to me when people I am acquainted with start up chats with me online, call me, etc, as I'd prefer to choose which people I start chats with or call. But concerning the two ISTp's I know, from time to time they'd start a chat with me online or something. This never bothered me as it can with other people. (even before I knew their type, it did not bother me.) Or when I would be in the same general area with them (youth conference, college campus, etc), one of them, would just sort of happen to meander in my general direction, or the other would just sort of happen to be standing right behind me when I turned around. Little clues that said they wanted to be friends with me but were, for the most part, waiting for me to actively initiate things. But it would often take me a while to a) notice them, and start paying attention to them, and b) catch on to the fact that this is what they wanted.
All that to say, try to figure out which people it seems want to hang around you but that you barely even notice, even though there's nothing in particular you dislike about them. That could help, at least.
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  #13  
Old 08/04/2010, 07:21 AM
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Originally Posted by ENTroP View Post
Are there any strategies that anybody knows of for finding duals? Is it type specific?
I've never been in a close dual relationship, duals tend to overlook each other really easily. I guess you just read up on your dual' behaviors and interests so you can identify them as duals rather than overlook them.
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So this one time me an' my bes' frien' Stan, we went to a church service. That preacher was talkin' 'bout hell. So Stan leans over to me an' he says, "I bet hell is like a PoLR hit every day."

An' I says, "Stan, you prolly right."
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  #14  
Old 08/04/2010, 10:33 AM
Cyclops Cyclops is offline
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Have you dated your dual?
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Originally Posted by ENTroP View Post
Are there any strategies that anybody knows of for finding duals? Is it type specific?
Re this and some of the other stuff being discussed.

Eh, I am no dating expert, but I have dated some duals in my time.

So, anyway, no expert, but based on what i've gathered, to get together with a dual, what I personally find works is to get them on their own. I've found i'm generally less likely to be acknowledged when in a group of people, maybe something to do with the E finding the I uninteresting at first, as is mentioned in this sites duality description.

When I get them on their own, they soon realise i'm pretty cool, and it's like "wow, look at the insights this persons got, how he's so easy going, and he's like relaxed and making sure we're cozy with drinks, comfy chairs, w/e it is we are doing, or he's kinda aloof but cool with it etc, easy to talk to, listens, understands, maybe even is funny [lol]" ... w/e it is.

Anyway, I think it's getting their attention in first place.

I don't know if that works for E's, i'd have to think about it somemore, maybe someone will have some insight.

I suppose all I can think of for E's is to learn to recognise your dual more. I do think that once the initial connections been made it is a cool relationship.

Activities are easier to approach in a group, the energy levels of the I make it more even, probably why it is easier to start, or at least one of reasons.

I just had a rather attractive activator filly pass by here, as I write this :-D
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Old 09/04/2010, 03:11 AM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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You know, for me, the E to I thing I think is sort of reversed... I seem like this goofy guy, and I think that SEI (especially the attractive ones, being pretty seems to be part of being an SEI lol), thinks of me as a clown, or a nerdy science guy... ESEs eat it up, but I don't know if SEI finds it attractive.

I'm think ESEs find me attractive because my wit and joviality lets them have someone to not be constrained and proper with, someone that they can just let loose with.. I don't think that my mode of flirting and joking around is nearly as effective with SEIs... Makes no sense.
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Old 09/04/2010, 11:57 AM
Cyclops Cyclops is offline
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You know, for me, the E to I thing I think is sort of reversed... I seem like this goofy guy, and I think that SEI (especially the attractive ones, being pretty seems to be part of being an SEI lol), thinks of me as a clown, or a nerdy science guy... ESEs eat it up, but I don't know if SEI finds it attractive.

I'm think ESEs find me attractive because my wit and joviality lets them have someone to not be constrained and proper with, someone that they can just let loose with.. I don't think that my mode of flirting and joking around is nearly as effective with SEIs... Makes no sense.
Eh, I kinda like the goofyness of Ne dominants, so .... hmmmmm.

I've heard some ENFp's say that they kinda feel self-concious of it, so maybe it's some sort of Ne dominant thing which you are imagining isn't so good, or could be other stuff.

I'd recommend - that you could perhaps PM mihai_m, he's ENTp and has posted a few times (pics and words) about his relationship, he is currently dating SEI. Maybe he could give you some pointers about it.
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Old 09/04/2010, 03:59 PM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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Eh, I kinda like the goofyness of Ne dominants, so .... hmmmmm.

I've heard some ENFp's say that they kinda feel self-concious of it, so maybe it's some sort of Ne dominant thing which you are imagining isn't so good, or could be other stuff.

I'd recommend - that you could perhaps PM mihai_m, he's ENTp and has posted a few times (pics and words) about his relationship, he is currently dating SEI. Maybe he could give you some pointers about it.
Hmm. I think I'll do that!
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