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  #1  
Old 28/01/2010, 11:16 AM
Cyclops Cyclops is offline
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Default Question about ESFj's

Maybe more applicable to the alpha's (NT's) here, but anyone can answer.

There's an ESFj I work with and there's a few people off today and I think she sort of sees herself in charge.

She keeps coming over and moving my stuff about, asking me what i've done, like super micro-managing. I left my desk for 10 mins and came back to find the entire thing re-arranged, everything moved, stuff at right angles.

It's really annoying and i'm close to saying something, but I keep telling myself, she's trying to help and just ride it for a day.

Then after all that crap she goes and starts talking for 15 minutes about some people that she lives with and how they're behaving incorrectly and they are difficult to live with, idle talking and stuff.

It's like, everythings running fine no need to get so worked up about stuff, it worked ok yesterday and it will work ok tomorrow, then after all this to spend 15 minutes chatting!

Kinda reminds me of ESFj's i've known who clean up the house and throw everything out without permission.

Not saying they're all like that. FWIW this person is normally quite fun and pleasant. I think she balanced sub type or slight Fe side.

Anyway, i've seen her behave like this once before, and it kind a gives me an insight what she is like to live with.

Is it just me or do you find all this sort of stuff really irritating? I just keep going REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM
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Old 28/01/2010, 12:38 PM
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Banter Banter is offline
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Ugh! I'd tell her "EY! What the hell .... HANDS OFF! It's MY stuff, MY place! If you wanna rearrange something do it elsewhere!" (and if she ignores that I were way less friendly next time ) Doesn't matter if she's normally quite fun and pleasant.
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Old 29/01/2010, 09:40 AM
mihai_m mihai_m is offline
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I'd say the same, except "it's mine". I think it's a bad approach for Fe types. If she asks why, which I doubt, you just tell her that you don't like it.

Yes, ESFj's do that, in my experience, my mother was cleaning that we (me and bro) were freaking out. She thrown away a lot of emotionally valuable things for us - stamp collections, albums with our drawings, my mummified embryos (one was a nice, black, detailed turtle!). Now I talk about them from the memory .

I had an ESFj at a workplace (some project supervisor?), she was not moving things around, but when she was coming to me she was asking different questions about my things: we should clean the coffee marks on your desk or clean your monitor, or she was arranging my T-shirt, or asking why don't I ask my gf to iron my clothes. I was answering her "I'll do that", "I'll clean later" or "I'm busy now". I was indeed busy, I think she didn't know what moments to choose.

The ISFp's are a bit similar, it happens to me to freak out on my gf on the phone, when she's away and I can't find my stuff - because I usually ask her where's everything. The good part is that she understands my wish to not throw anything away without my knowledge, even if it seems unimportant. But when she's making order or clean, she usually doesn't force a time, she announces her intention and start from somewhere else, I keep in mind that I have to finish my task and don't start something else until she comes and finish hers.

IMO, it's very hard to live with an ESFj, as a Delta Irrational, my recommendation is - don't do it.
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Old 29/01/2010, 12:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mihai_m View Post
I'd say the same, except "it's mine". I think it's a bad approach for Fe types.
LOL. Except that I'm not a Fe type, that's for sure.
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Old 29/01/2010, 06:11 PM
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stanprollyright stanprollyright is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Banter View Post
LOL. Except that I'm not a Fe type, that's for sure.
But the ESFj is...
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An' I says, "Stan, you prolly right."
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Old 29/01/2010, 06:15 PM
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Kanerou Kanerou is offline
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The big property issue we have with my ESE mother is concerning food and drink left around (for me, it's been drink). I tend to make two glasses of coffee at once because I like lots of milk in it, and I've gotten to where I let her know that the coffee I just put down is mine; otherwise I might not see it again. My general view of things was that even if she didn't know whose it was, she did know it wasn't hers. Anyway, she says she's gotten better about it.

I haven't noticed the other stuff from her, but then, there's a lot I don't notice anyway.
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Old 29/01/2010, 06:16 PM
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Quote:
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But the ESFj is...
I know. .............................
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Old 29/01/2010, 08:01 PM
Kittykat Kittykat is offline
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Out of curiosity, why do ESE's do this? Does anyone know?
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Old 30/01/2010, 10:01 PM
Koba Koba is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kittykat View Post
Out of curiosity, why do ESE's do this? Does anyone know?
ESTJs are the same way, they do it for the reason that they want an organized environment and anything that seems "out of place", needs to be thrown away! If it has no purpose, such as a small item laying around, it needs to be thrown away as well. For sure, I'm an SJ, and I'm the same way. I'd rather live alone than have a roommate with their stuff scattered around the room and their items and collectibles on my bed, not acceptable.
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Old 18/02/2010, 08:12 PM
Pathnine Pathnine is offline
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Default ESFJ's and INTP's are conflicting types

This is another reason why I know you're an INTP... ESFJ's are your conflicting type, so no wonder you find her so aggravating sometimes. I'm an INTJ, and one of my roommates is an ESFJ. Doesn't bother me at all that he moves things around without asking. ESFJ's bring out the best in people. You're an INTP... -Daniel
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  #11  
Old 18/02/2010, 08:32 PM
ENTroP ENTroP is offline
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Yea, I've noticed that alpha quadra NT's are mostly disinterested in organizational details as long as the end result is an organizational structure that works (although LII are organized, its mostly just so they don't lose the things they have, and know where they are. They aren't neat). The SF's in alpha quadra take care of these details for us.
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Old 18/02/2010, 10:05 PM
Pathnine Pathnine is offline
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Cyclops, I mixed you up with Brian from a different thread... sorry about the misunderstanding. I'll try to be more careful next time. I still stand behind my feedback about your own situation though -Daniel
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