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Old 29/06/2012, 09:02 PM
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nahbee1235 nahbee1235 is offline
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Default Type my Grandma

*sigh*

I have never met a person in my life who drove me as bat shit crazy as this lady, well, except for my ex-MIL (they have similar personalities). I didn't get the opportunity to know my grandmother when I was growing up because we always lived so far from her.

Then she came and stayed with me and my family for 4 months this year. Initially we got along, but little by little, her personality and way of being started to get to me, and she drove me insane!

She was/is a very noisy person. She is constantly talking, constantly moving, there is hardly any rest with her, or in her. But none of it seems to have a purpose, at least imo. If I could describe her in whole, I would say she was "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Okay, let's get to some examples. One time, she, I, and my daughter were in my car, waiting for another lady to arrive. The lady was giving my daughter dancing lessons once a week for an upcoming event that my daughter was participating in. My grandmother was with me because I offered to take her to Wal-Mart after I had dropped my daughter. We're sitting there, and my grandmother asks what time she's supposed to be here. I say 6. One minute after 6, and she asks me, with bitterness in her voice, who is this lady. I tell her she's a friend of the family, she dresses really well, she's really nice to my daughter. I point to where the lady lives, and tell her it's at least a 10 minute drive from where we are. And she goes "hmph". I don't understand my grandma's irritation. I'm feeling relaxed, there's nowhere I HAVE to be, nowhere where she HAS to be either (wal-mart's 24-7). So I continue to sit and wait while talking to my daughter, letting her play with the steering wheel. My daughter says something a little rude, and I tell her "that's not nice to say". Then my grandma, who'd been quiet otherwise, says "You need to think about how your words can hurt other people". I was shocked, spooked even, because word for word, she spoke the exact same words I had said to my daughter the day before. Mind you though, my grandma said it with the same bitterness as she had posed her earlier question, and, I also detected the smallest bit of mockery in her voice. Anyway, I saw this time waiting for the lady as an opportunity to get to know my grandma better, so I made some small talk about our family and about the upcoming event. I could see her relax a little, and she would smile and say oh that's wonderful or oh, that's nice. Then I made a causal remark about the time (it had been maybe 10 minutes after 6), and then she was angry, saying "can you believe that lady?! Who does she think she is, making us wait!". I didn't know what to do, so I shrugged and said with a nervous smile, "that's just her". I guess that was my way of explaining that she was just a person who wasn't always on time, and not to take it personally. I also began to sense she was also irritated at me, though she didn't say anything, because I wouldn't take any action against this "crime" of being late, wouldn't take charge of what she perceived to be a problem. And so I continued to wait, and she continued to rant about this woman she had never met, but apparently felt the need to vilify. Finally, with some regret, I called mother to find out if she had heard from the lady (they're best friends), that we had been waiting for about 15 mins, and that if she didn't show up soon, to just cancel the lesson. I regretted it because *I* didn't have any problem with her being late and I was only doing it appease my grandmother. I told my grandma that my mom would call and find out what was going on, to which my grandmother replied "good".

Anyway, the lady shows up and I leave my daughter with her. As I drive my Grandma to Wal-mart, she seems to be in a better mood and chatty, too. She asks if I have any plans for the evening, am i going out, going to be doing this thing or that thing, to which I reply, no, 'cause I didn't. Then she kind of slumps down in her seat, seems to get depressed, doesn't talk for awhile. I thought that was weird, who gets depressed about another person not having plans?

At wal-mart, she's talkative again, I don't really remember much that happened there, but I do remember feeling fatigued because she NEVER stopped talking. That and I was still bothered by the incident in the car.

After, wal-mart, it was time to pick my daughter up. I leave my grandma in the car, and go inside to get her. The lady apologizes over and over again, to which I respond stiffly, "don't worry about it". I feel tense. Under normal circumstances I would be cheerfully saying not to worry, etc, or actually, she wouldn't even be apologizing. Anyway, she can tell that I'm not in a good mood, so she offers to help get my daughters stuff in the car. She's still apologizing as she helps load the stuff in. I'm trying to ignore her, because I feel bad about my own actions. After I get in the car, and start driving, my grandma stays silent for awhile, then turns to look at me. She smiles at me with a sinister smile, but also somehow manages to look pleased at me, and says, I could tell you were upset at that lady. And that was all she said for the rest of the car ride. Not only did she stay silent, but she seemed contented. Like now we were on the same team.

I felt so sick at her. It was like that whole incident in the car wasn't because she was truly upset at the lady being late, it was to get me to feel something that I personally didn't want to feel. I felt nauseous. Who was this lady sitting next me? What kind of sick trick was this? After that incident, I began pulling away from her. I couldn't be close to someone derived some sick pleasure at making people feel a certain way, at making them angry towards another.
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Last edited by nahbee1235; 29/06/2012 at 09:02 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 01/07/2012, 07:23 AM
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nahbee1235 nahbee1235 is offline
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*sigh* I suppose I shouldn't be so harsh towards my grandma, she does have some redeeming qualities. It's just that living with her was extremely difficult.

Other things about her:

She seemed resentful that she had to eat healthy food, even after a heart attack and multiple strokes.

She put dirty dishes where clean dishes were supposed to go (yes I had a place to put clean dishes to dry next to the sink, and she would pile the dirty dishes there, wash them, and then put them back there to dry -omg- that drove me insane) also, a lot of the time the clean dishes were not clean enough, at least to my standards : thin films of grease on them, dried bits of food left on most of the plates... I mention this b/c my ex-MIL would do the same thing

She would comment, probably every other day, about how trim my dad had been in his 20's and then she would exclaim "oh, but look at you now! oh, how much you eat! oh, S_____, you used to look so good!" and every single time we ate together as a family she would comment on the his portion sizes. my mom would just shrug and say "well, that's what he likes. He's a big boy, he likes to eat a lot" and the grandma would go on "oh, you have to stop it! That's terrible! How can you eat all that? Is that good for you? That can't be good for you! You know who else used to eat like that? Remember ______? Remember what happened to him? Oh! Ack!", and so on, and on, and on, and on... she just wouldn't give up. I remember once, as she was doing her oh my god, I can't believe you eat so much schpeel, she asked him " are you going to eat all that?" his response " well, no, now that you said all that". The funny thing is, my dad and grandma got along FABULOUSLY. In fact, he seemed to change for the better during her stay.

She would comment on everything, and she would do it with such emotion! Once, after I had taken her to Wal-mart, so she could pick up a couple of things, she proceeded to tell everyone about this very ordinary, routine sort of trip, except if you heard her tell it, it was like some grand adventure. with lots of "oh, ah!" the people were like this, and we saw this thing, and this happened, and "oh, ah!" the lady at the register was so wonderful, and I had a question and "oh, ah!" she was so helpful, and on, and on, and on. To me it was just a mundane drive to wal-mart, get some things, get grandma back to the house. And she's been to wal-mart before, it wasn't some new experience. But I learned that day, that she had an ability to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary just by the way she told it. I consider it a gift, I suppose.

Whatever little money she had, she spent. She never seemed to give any serious thought about saving any. Her health was failing, she was being kicked out of her home for over 20 yrs (b/c of an unfortunate circumstance) and yet she spent. It wasn't that she spent it on expensive things, but rather, she spent a little here, and a little there, and the little things added up to well, a lot. And she had a way of trying to convince others to spend their money on her wants. And using up other people's resources too, without thinking of what it all cost them. My ex-MIL was like that too, especially the last part. But in fairness, neither one of them had a problem spending their money on other people. They both spent a considerable amount of their (very limited income) on gifts for family members.

Finally, though I could probably write more, there was the lottery ticket incident. My grandma also spends money on lottery tickets, if not daily, than at least weekly, hoping to get "the one". Anyway, it was at a really high amount, I don't recall exactly, but my dad was hyping it up. Like "hey, did you hear how much it's at? It's crazy! It's $ ____! Oh, man!" all excited and such. And my grandma was "what? really? that much?! oh I better go and buy some!" and my dad is "I know! I know!" my grandma "oh, what I would do with that money, S_____. Oh, I could pay this off and pay that off, and I'd never have to worry about those collectors. of course give some to the family. Yes, yes. I would give some to ____, and then some to ____, and" my dad "You know what I would do with that money, huh? Huh? I'd buy a house in ________. And I would eat at all these great restaurants. And I'd take a vacation. And you know what else, huh? Huh? I'd never have to work again, in my life!" my grandma "oh, ah, ha, ha, ha, but I'd make sure to give some of my money to the family. What about your wife? You could buy her some nice jewelry?" my dad "yeah, yeah, I know! I'd be on the sand, living it up in _______! Oh man!" Anyway, this continued for a good half hour at least, the both of them going back and forth planning what they'd do if they got the numbers right. And I mean serious planning, at least on my grandmother's part. She was trying to recall all of the people in her extended family, how much she should give to each, what she would buy for her children. I could tell that there were some family members she wanted to exclude, and would probably would have said it out loud, just not in front of me & my mom.... But back to the point, I watched them, being both baffled and annoyed by them. It was late in the day, and there is a cut off time for buying lottery tickets, but neither one seemed too concerned that they might not get there before that time. They just sat there, in a state of rapture, going over all they things they could do with money they a)didn't have and b) had an enormously high chance of not having.

And did I mention that she talked a lot? 'cause she did.
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  #3  
Old 05/09/2012, 06:28 AM
EIE EIE is offline
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Default ESTp

Se: (1st) She is quick to act, talk, and comment on just about everything going on

Fe: (6th) ESTp's hidden agenda is to pass of their emotions in positive ways. Unfortunately they do this in ways that come off more as overwhelming

Te: (8th) Te just adds to the talking description. Te sees the need to tell everyone what they are doing.

ESTp is a ball of energy that sometimes cant shut up. Sounds like grandma

What really sold me was the lotto ticket thing. Unable to see the meaning (Ni) that they are searching for, your grandma keeps thinking that this time will be the big hit and cant seem to see the big picture of her actions.

Also the fact of spending money. ESTp is all about the materials, so why would they save when they could by something they wanted right now!!!
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